Im not excited with announcement of the first grandchild

I am also curious about this too.

I don't think abortion has been mentioned by the OP, or indeed by anyone. Or that the OP has mentioned wanting to go on cruises. She's still working full time to pay for all this, after all.

The DD could always have a baby when they can actually support it

This sounds perfectly reasonable.

So at least one of the children was born several years into them living with you?

That is awful and I imagine the OP is concerned about this kind of scenario

So you're very needy,not everyone is.

Wow. Projecting much?

Did you miss the bit where the OP is going to have to shoulder some of the burden?

You’re right. Tell DD to abort the baby and to try again in September 2028 when she has gone on a few cruises and is ready to be a grandparent.

Your right I did say I’d go and I should have I’m not really sure why I didn’t. Frankly I’m not sure I “flounced” I just found it depressing some of the responses. Anyway over and out.
Good luck to you OP 💐

Clearly you didn’t read the post! OP’s daughter has a term time job so when their child reaches school age there won’t be a need for care in school holidays! It also sounds like her daughter has not long been in her current job so won’t be entitled to occupational maternity leave pay!

You are a saint.

@Fromyonfarcountryblows

I’m sorry I cba to read your latest. OP is not over the moon. This doesn’t mean she doesn’t love her kids; won’t care about her gc; that she’s not a loving/compassionate person - it just means she doesn’t want to do this right now.

I have had my son and his 3 children living with me for 7 years, it’s a nightmare, I love those kids but my son is as messy as hell. The two year old cry’s all the time. I wear earplugs every night now. He’s bought a do up house ( across the fecking road 🙄) and I’m counting down the days for him to go so at the ripe old age of 60 I can have peace and quiet and a clean house, not to mention all my bills dropping.

I understand how you feel. My brother and SIL had pretty much the same thing. The reality for a couple with no money and limited prospects in their very early 20s is that implicitly they are (probably rightly) assuming that they can live with mum, experience limited bills and have child minding on tap. In some cases the vast majority of work falls to the GP. For most of us there would be little alternative other than to mostly accept this hard reality. I would not throw a pregnant daughter out on the streets, and I suspect they would really struggle to find and fund accommodation. So, I think you are right to be upset and wary of the life changes this will bring. The only thing you can do is to encourage your DD to develop an exit strategy and to look to stand on her own two feet. However, with a baby in toe in the current climate that will be hard.

I’m surprised you’re still here, TBH. You literally flounced upthread.

I’m not sure why you are so unpleasant the point of whole MN is to offer a POV I’m assuming this is why the OP started this thread. Many believe the OP should literally chuck her daughter onto the street either heavily pregnant or postpartum or she should simply terminate the pregnancy, separate the child from their father or make them live in temporary accommodation these are all valid arguments and I’m assuming these people genuinely mean it they are not just saying this for the sake of it.
But I feel a need to offer an alternative perspective. Im a similiarish age to the OP and have youngish adult children so I like everyone else am free to am put my own option forward even if it appears to go against the majority. I have acknowledged up thread that she’s not over the moon and suggested how to deal with it but also pointed out a possible consequences. I’m sure the OP has thought about this but it does not harm to point out consequences of our actions when making difficult decisions.
Ive been told that I might have a different perspective if I was 50 + and post menopausal with declining oestrogen/caring hormone so it seemed fair to point out that I’m 60+ don’t know about declining hormones and a baby boomer apparently we never wanted children.
We are all different and have different views and life experiences this is an open forum and people I’m assuming start threads like this for advise support and to hear others views and experiences so I am as entitled to give mine as you are although I don’t feel a need to resort to unpleasantness to people who don’t agree with me. Maybe this comes with maturity 🤣

This thread is fascinating. Feels like it falls into two camps:

1. people who prioritise independence, autonomy, standing on your own two feet
2. people who see family (biological or ‘found’) as a mutually dependent collective, members of whom are entitled to draw on collective resources according to need.

Both camps see their position as deeply moral, and both see it as a way of expressing love. Both find the other camp inexplicable and a bit morally gross.

I’m firmly in the second camp. I absolutely see it as my moral responsibility to help close family when they need it. I also find it joyful and fulfilling, much more so (for me) than any retirement cruise could be. Any genuinely surplus resources I have (including time and affection) would be offered to my kids/dad/in-laws/best friends if they needed them (the last have never needed it but I would offer if they did). I’m not ‘rich’, but do have a spare bedroom. The idea of turning away a pregnant daughter (or son with pregnant partner) is absolutely, genuinely astonishing to me. (Deliberately making a pregnant woman homeless is not my idea of feminism.)

I suppose the corollary of this is that I would expect them to do the same for me. When I was pregnant and had tiny kids my parents threw open their doors and wallets and prioritised me and the kids completely. Now my dad has Alzheimer’s and I’m returning the favour. I wouldn’t change a thing (other than my dad having dementia, that can get to fuck.) It’s a privilege to be able to show him the same love and care he showed me.

I reckon maybe these two types map onto two opposing sets of fundamental values, and we choose to hang out with people who share values with us, which is why this thread is such an eye-opener. I don’t think I have a single friend who wouldn’t welcome their child and their child’s partner in these circumstances. (I’m white British, if we’re doing cultural analysis.) One of my best mates has had her slightly lost adult son living with her for ten years (he’s in his 30s), and is currently also putting up her adult daughter and daughter’s BF. For her, that’s just family, and the fact I don’t raise an eyebrow about it is one of the reasons we’re friends.

How is it that they didn’t want to become parents? They were the first generation to have access to birth control pills and legalised abortion. They were the first generation who actually did get to choose when to become parents—Gen X were born to the first generation where women could choose.

So you’re extrapolating from one poster. OK.

Support doesnt mean enabling your kids to make poor, life altering decisions. My boomer mum supported me to get an education and have kids only when I could support them. Forever grateful to her.

Well quite clearly you didn’t if you would refuse to support them past 18.

No criticism from me. That's great for your family. I don't mean this sarcastically at all. I do a lot for my family- I don't take rent because I don't need it- that others think is foolish.

But we all get to draw our own boundaries and OP can draw hers, after a lifetime of child rearing.

^^This.

Do stop wittering on about yourself. This thread is about the OP, she’s not over the moon, ok.

Many of them didn’t, to be fair. Whilst the tide was turning, people were starting to have children and a career, I think there was still pressure to have them.