Im not excited with announcement of the first grandchild

Well, maybe it is something they should have considered before deciding to have a baby or if it wasn't planned, maybe thinking a bit more about if it is the right time rather than turning up to OP grinning from ear to ear expecting her to magically fix everything.

Maybe OP's DD needs to have a shorter maternity leave to help pay any bills or take a 2nd job during school holidays if she's term time only
Maybe the boyfriend needs to halt his self employed plans and work 1-2 jobs
Maybe they need to claim UC so they can receive childcare help

OP has bills to pay too. What is she supposed to do?

It’s perfectly reasonable to go NC if your parents refuse to house you, your boyfriend, and your baby, to facilitate your self-employment aspirations. and to provide unlimited free childcare, no?

Ok even if he gets a full time job. How much would he be paid at 21? It's unlikely to cover all - given they need to cover rent, other bills, food, the new baby etc.

What will happen after OP's daughter finishes her maternity leave? How will they pay for the nursery considering it's not free?

But how?.. I mean my DH and I are finding it tough even with sensibly paid jobs (we are not young) as we don't have any grandparents help.

Surely OP wants her daughter to do well and she has to somehow step in? I can't imagine how a couple in their position would manage in current economic situation.

The boyfriend can give up his self employed plans and get a job. Can his parents not help?

Is OP the only option?

Well, that’s not true. Women have been having children at this age throughout human history but you’re saying none of them had anything to offer whatsoever?

They have 21 years more life experience than the child they gave birth to and circumstances vary. Not sure why you couldn’t have a job, either.

This is something that OP's daughter and her boyfriend will need to work out. OP works full time so won't be able to provide any childcare.

OP, realistically how is it all going to work for your daughter? They are both very young and don't earn much. Without your help with childcare and/or money for childcare, it seems they would struggle, no?

They need to take responsibility for their own choices - why choose to have a baby with no solid jobs or even a home?!

Indeed! 😉 I was joking as a number of posters have threatened the OP with no contact.

@CharlotteRumpling That might be difficult as they live in the same house.

Agree. That would show at least some effort.
But no doubt if OP raises it, they will go no contact!

@LBFseBromJust wondering what you think the “efforts” should be? I see another poster agrees with you but the dad is self employed and has recently stated this. So what is his income? Probably cannot prove it and might be cash in hand! He needs a job but even that means he’s no employment record. DD does term time only but won’t get maternity pay. Therefore, essentially, she’s part time. What effort can they possibly make in the short term to get a place of their own? As for the op - what should she do? Beg for a flat for them? Pay for one? What effort do you envisage? Her dd is clearly not making any effort with work or standing in her own two feet with her boyfriend. They have a child on the way probably 5 years too early. The op has the problem whichever way you look at it. If it was easy, it would have been solved before the pregnancy.

The dad of this child will have to sacrifice his want to go self employed and stick with a job with an employer.

@PinkTonic@HoppingPavlovaSensible voices on this thread .

21 is NO age at all to be having a baby- no financial security, job, life experience or anything to offer themselves let alone a child.
It was also drummed into me to not even dare think of a baby before I had life sorted out first. I’m SO glad my dp’s were so hard on us, because looking back I had nothing to offer a child at 21.
i will be drumming it into my dc too. Education first and foremost. A good job, live life a lot and then settle down with children.

This. At 21 they’re throwing their lives away. They have absolutely nothing to fall back on - no proper job, living arrangements, just nothing. Just because you can fall pregnant doesn’t mean that you must have a baby. They sound far from responsible people let alone parents to be. I can understand your upset, I would be so very disappointed too

That only applies to missing years required for the state pension.

If OP wants to take her pension at 60 it must be a private pension, so will need however many years of contributions that private scheme requires. That in itself presumably means she won't be available in the working week for any childcare as she needs to work herself.

If you end up doing child care of grandchild so they can work:

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/apply-for-specified-adult-childcare-credits

Well they should have thought of that

And that is up to you. Can you not see how the OP has just got her life back and doesn’t want to have to shoulder the burden for two irresponsible people?

Less incentive for him to move out. Mums of babies do significantly more childcare than the dads anyway. He needs to find somewhere asap whilst living with his family.

my ds and ddil live with us and have done since lockdown . We now also have our first dgd living here and it’s a blessing . The best thing ever being able to be so involve in her life is amazing . You maybe surprised and love having your grandchild under your roof

He does when it suits him but of course the excuse is he has to do his new house up. It’s totally my fault for enabling this behaviour.

Yes, the boys are from a different mum but he has full custody as she is nuts. The last one is from his now partner who has her own home but stays over a lot.

A very reasonable post.