To ask you to please help me learn how to drive?

I passed last Summer, a week after my 56th birthday. I learnt manual as there aren’t many automatic instructors in the area where we’re living plus I had a car ready on the drive for practice and for me to use for when I passed which was manual. It means I can drive any car though and I’m not restricted to just automatic.

I used the instructor who had taught both of our sons. He was incredibly calm and patient which was necessary as I found lessons very stressful, although he said I hid it very well.
I’m still not sure how I passed as the pressure I was under to pass was immense, we were due to complete on a house move to a different area a few weeks after my test and if I failed it’d mean finding a new instructor that I was comfortable with and I was really stressing about that, to the point that I even wanted to delay putting our house on the market until I had my licence.

Get working on your theory, I recommend the official DVSA app. It’s not difficult to pass if you put the work in. I passed first time and then had to redo it as it expired and I passed again.

Practicing in your own/family car outside of lessons helps a lot, I’d go out most weekends with my husband supervising but the month before my test I was out every night and the more I was driving the more I felt my confidence increasing.

You are overthinking it. Just find a local instructor and give it a go.

My DM didn’t learn until she was in her 40s, and was always a very anxious, worry-guts type anyway. She only finally gave her car up at around 80.
Believe me, if she could do it…

You will certainly need a very good ‘fit’ for an instructor - someone very patient who will not try to rush you. If you don’t click with the first, do find another. Believe it or not, and I’m sure it will take time, but one day you may well find you have driven from A to B, without even consciously thinking of the actual process.

My kids are learning in manual as they want to do jobs when they might need them eg army but for you just automatic and if you aren’t feeling it or get creepy vibes stop. Never pay upfront for a lesson. 2 hour lesson.

I have just passed age 44. I did loans of theory tests on line, then I did two lessons a week for a few months, then a one week intensive before my test. I passed first time and I never believed I would be able to drive. Also just to automatic.

When you learn, choose a female instructor. I’ve heard of a few dodgy male driving instructors, and my first one wasn’t perfect.

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=uk.co.tso.ctt

I'd recommend the Official DVSA theory test app. Practice until you're getting all the questions right. DD2 is autistic and she went from nothing to a 49/50 pass of her theory test in 10 days, so you can do it quite quickly.

You need an instructor who can give you 2 hours of driving lessons per week if you live rurally - you need time to get out to the test centre area, practice, and get home.

Automatic for sure.

You can do it!

Look at the Theory test website, you can’t book a practical test without passing that and there may be a long wait for dates. Ask on a local fb group for recommendations of instructors. Worth having a few lessons to get you comfortable and started then to prepare for the test itself.

I lived in big cities my entire life and didn't learn to drive till we moved semi-rurally. I was 38. My aunt had a dream of buying a farm and so started to learn in her late 40s. She passed her test at 49. She is still a nervous driver but can poodle around the countryside without issues. I was quite timid for the first couple of years but had to drive up and down the country at one point for a few months and now have absolutely no issues tackling tricky routes, motorways and my parallel parking came on leaps and bounds 😅

With instructors, you may not have a lot of choice. They are pretty busy so don't delay looking for one. I would avoid big schools and find a local chap near retirement. They seem to be the best. I had two different ones as my lessons were broken up by lockdown and we moved to a different area. They were both brilliant.

For learning theory, I used https://theorytest.org.uk/ Passed the first time and found it surprisingly easy. But I had a lot of years under my belt as a passenger and also rode a 125cc for a number of years in my 30s.

As to the number of lessons, it takes as long as it takes. I probably had in excess of 50 altogether but that was because I never practices with my partner - he was awfully jittery and I couldn't focus as I had to manage his nerves more than the vehicle. I also spent at least 40 lessons learning manual. Then covid hit, I had a long break and needed license ASAP. Switched to automatic, we drove test routes for 10 lessons and then I passed.

id watch youtube, or do what sheldon cooper did and have a driving simulator setup

Main thing is just to get behind the wheel. No matter how you feel at the start almost anybody can learn with enough time. I failed first time (had a grumpy examiner who my instructor had already warned me about and stalled at the lights despite making no other big mistakes). I now drive trucks and heavy plant for a living!

I know someone who took a weeks intensive course and passed her test.

I passed aged 45, a few months ago. I could only afford one lesson per week (2 hours), with a few extra in the run up to the test. You will need the highway code for reference but I did all my other theory learning and practice on apps, which also offered mock tests including hazard perception. I just kept practicing until I was passing the mock tests regularly. My teacher recommended some YouTube accounts to watch but I didn't find them that helpful. I think I had close to 50 hours tuition (I was a nervous learner, and am neurodivergent), plus maybe 20 hours private practice between April and November and I passed with one minor fault. You can do it, get your lessons started, book your theory and go for it! Oh, and I learnt in a manual so I'd be able to drive any car in future but if automatic works for you, that's fine of course. I understand it does make it a lot easier. 🙂

It will be such a boon to be able to do it. And I believe you can. There are different dimensions to it, learning what to look for and how to apply the rules of the road in different situations, you can start that now as a passenger in conjunction with looking up bits of the highway code. Then there's what to do with your feet which manual makes much easier. And then there's how to steer and manoeuvre in different situations. And then putting it all together. If you are nervous and want to get it done quickly driving an automatic is probably the way to go. What car do you have now as that's something to factor in. I learnt on a manual but have had two automatic cars and now electric so probably won't drive a manual again.

I did not end up passing but I took lessons a few years ago, I was similarly terrified.

My main advice would be don't look up too much about the theory before you start. Just go and have that first lesson. A decent instructor will start you off in a deserted car park so you can see for miles around, there are no hazards to navigate and you can get the hang of the basic controls.

Once I'd done a couple of lessons I was hooked and I drunk in all the theory stuff. Yes I did read the highway code cover to cover! And I did the practice apps. I also downloaded loads of parking games to practice and watched other people having driving lessons on youtube.

I passed the theory test first time with no bother at all. The practical was the bit where I struggled. I will finish it off some time.

I'd say learning in an automatic is way easier, as you've not got to do gears, an extra pedal, etc. As long as you think you won't ever need to drive a manual (vans, etc, are usually all manual.)

I've got a couple of friends who learned later in life. One at 35 (who is one of the best drivers I know), and another who is learning in her 50s. I'm so proud of them both for doing it, as I swear it's harder when you're older. Learning at 17, you think you're invincible (well, I did...)

Go with a driving instructor you get good reports about; and regular driving practice between lessons is the key, I think. I know I passed relatively quickly, because my Mum took me out 3 or 4 times a week. Meant I passed in 12 lessons. Pals who didn't have that, took much longer. So, if your husband is patient, do that - even if it's just dropping the kids off, or driving to the supermarket. Good luck!

If you can dance, you can drive.

Both are a set of coordinated moves (with your hands, feet and vehicle) whilst not bumping into others.

I passed first time a couple of months ago aged 45, I learned manual as that’s what the instructor I wanted taught in.
I was very anxious and tbh I still am but am so pleased I did it.
I had therapy before I started lessons to help with the anxiety.
I didn’t tell anyone except my therapist I was having lessons. Not having the pressure of people waiting for me to pass or asking about how it was going really helped, the downside of this was I could only drive in lessons and not with anyone in between.
I watched videos of roundabouts I struggled with and also of test routes.
On my test day I did a meditation class in the morning and just told myself repeatedly how well I’d done to even get to the stage where I was taking the test and if I failed it was good practice.
If I can do it anyone can, just go for it!

One of my female friends passed her motorcycle test (which is much more intense and stressful than an automatic car test) at the age of 70. You're not old, you'll be fine ❤️

good luck OP! I am 36 this year and about 50% of the way there with practical AND i have two small kids as the motivating factor! Also lived in london so avoided all driving until i moved to midlands. I too believed i couldn’t learn any new skills but i was wrong. If you can learn to parent you can defo learn to drive. 100000% go automatic. I wasted so much time and money on a bat shit manual instructor because my dh wanted me to drive our manual car but it wasn’t worth the stress and extra cost. And we are soon buying an automatic anyway THANK GOD. I feel like i’m way more confident in the auto car and my instructor is nice and calm. You can do this!!

Word of mouth is good for finding an instructor used to working with older, anxious people. However, lots of pp are suggesting 2 hr lessons. I would be guided by your instructor.
My youngest DS has just passed, first time, but for months didn’t do more than hour long lessons, often in a car park or industrial estate because he found driving at more than 10mph so scary!
Once he learnt to drive, then his instructor increased his lessons to 2 hrs, but until you can actually drive, there is only so much you can do and an hour is usually fine to begin with.

Try FB or similar for recommendations of local instructors. Given you are in your 40s, have you got friends or colleagues with teens of driving age you could ask? My DD1 is young in her year, so we found an instructor based on recommendations from friends who had already started driving.

Automatic takes away some of the technical side of driving so you can just concentrate in the road and your speed. For any new drivers who can afford an automatic, there is probably little reason to learn in manual now. DD did learn in a manual because we had 2 manual cars at that point, plus as a teenager, her budget when she chooses to buy a car may well be limited. I have an EV now, and I love driving it compared to manuals - even though I have over 25 years experience of driving them.

I probably would stay away from 1 week intensive courses as you mention a lack of confidence. That’s not something you can fully overcome in a week, in my opinion. If you chose an instructor, maybe just have an initial lesson, that way if you don’t get on with their teaching style, you’re not stuck hating it for 10 lessons. I’d do single lessons to begin with, but once your theory test is nailed, consider the benefit of doubles.
Also, when you’re in the car as a passenger, stay off your phone and start to observe more. Look at road signs & test yourself. Ask DH to also ‘test’ you. My parents done this with us growing up, which was beyond helpful as there was less to ‘learn’. That said, there’ll be apps available these days to help take things in in bite size chunks. I would also suggest following Big Jobber’s liability reviews. Don’t be overwhelmed that he’s assessing liability on accidents, but you learn so much. Even as an experienced driver I’ve picked up great tips. There’s also some driving instructors on Instagram which share clips of common mistakes etc.
You’ve got this - you’re only 43! So many great road trips lie ahead for you!

I agree that in your situation you might as well learn on an automatic.

I would suggest saving up for a few months, then having 2 or 3 lessons a week - so not a full on week of intensive driving, but longer sessions close together.
Definitely book lessons that are 90mins or 2 hours. That will also (as you get more confident) give time in a lesson to get to different places / different types of roads (so to big, fast dual carriageways with filter lanes similar to motorways; or out onto some windy country roads if you are a City dweller; or into a high street / driving in busy traffic or more complicated and a variety of junctions / busier roundabouts. Just more and better experience than you might be limited to if you need to stay within 20 mins of your home.

In terms of who - there is nothing like a personal recommendation - ask around colleagues, friends, neighbours, other parents, etc, or, failing that, on your local Facebook group.