Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel irritated by MIL’s barbed comments about gardening?

30 replies

letsmowthelawn · 22/03/2026 13:38

I always thought I got on reasonably well with MIL but I’m not so sure now. Lately there have been a number of comments which feel a bit barbed and I’m starting to feel a bit irritated, so that’s the context.

This morning DH was mowing the lawn and MIL started tittering and said ‘oh now … when you bought this house I remember asking who would do the gardening and you said YOU’D do it!’ She was tittering and giggling to herself all the way through this and I’m honestly not sure whether I was supposed to be amused by my slovenly gardening ways or what.

I am not going to say anything; we don’t see a lot of them so I don’t want to cause a ruckus and besides it’s not a big deal I suppose. But I’m wondering if others would have been a bit irritated or am I a bit prickly at the moment?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Original poster
letsmowthelawn · 22/03/2026 18:37

I didn’t realise he was going to: I took the children out and came back and he was doing it. I’ve no real plans for the garden and wouldn’t involve the kids if I did tbh.

OP posts:
BoarBrush · 22/03/2026 18:35

letsmowthelawn · 22/03/2026 14:20

And she’s right in a sense; I don’t do any gardening but with two young children I don’t have much free time. In the future things might be different. I just feel she doesn’t like me much and looks down on me but maybe I’m being a bit paranoid.

You get the children involved, kids LOVE gardening.

And re mri, I presume it's his back? You should be doing the lawn in this case, that's sheer decency and respect for your partner.

5128gap · 22/03/2026 17:12

"Ah yes, MiL, but in the run up to mothers day, he said he'd get you a present. So he owes me one"

Cherrysoup · 22/03/2026 17:10

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 22/03/2026 14:17

’Oh, he’s great at doing the lawn - he leaves the actual gardening to me. Just as well, since he barely knows a buttercup from a cauliflower.’

(that last would be true of my dh!)

Same here. Every flower is a ‘lupin’, not sure he knows any others! I do the design, my DH does the mowing more often than me and fences off bits to protect them from dogs etc, eg the veg patch was fenced off, but i designed it, planted and grew everything in there.

If mil has form, I’d be challenging every comment until she got bored then asking her why she keeps making shitty comments.

Original poster
letsmowthelawn · 22/03/2026 16:57

In fairness @SarahAndQuack while there was always the odd one I thought it was thoughtlessness rather than meanness but yesterday did feel so very pointed …

DH is in a lot of pain at the moment; MRI has yielded nothing untoward and I know she’s worried but I can’t do much else. And I feel like I’m being somehow blamed for it or maybe they think I should make him lie down and rest all the time or something ?

OP posts:
Tryanalogue · 22/03/2026 16:50

You don’t do the mowing. You deal with the big picture.

farmerboy · 22/03/2026 16:49

Gardening is just outdoor housework as far as I’m concerned. Suggest she takes it on if it bothers her that much.

SarahAndQuack · 22/03/2026 16:48

TheCurious0range · 22/03/2026 16:35

It's just a passing comment surely? When they asked who would be doing the garden when you moved in, you said you and now you don't do any gardening.
When we moved in here the garden was beautiful the previous owner was a widowed retired man. We now just about mow the grass, it has a swing and a little tykes castle in it and I will do a few pots and fruit/veg in the summer. I had grand plans but life changes, I wouldn't be offended by someone acknowledging that

Edited

She points out in the OP that her MIL has form for comments; she's just giving this one as an example.

TheCurious0range · 22/03/2026 16:35

It's just a passing comment surely? When they asked who would be doing the garden when you moved in, you said you and now you don't do any gardening.
When we moved in here the garden was beautiful the previous owner was a widowed retired man. We now just about mow the grass, it has a swing and a little tykes castle in it and I will do a few pots and fruit/veg in the summer. I had grand plans but life changes, I wouldn't be offended by someone acknowledging that

rosycheex · 22/03/2026 15:11

It’s not you that’s wrong it’s the beloved son slaving away, mowing the lawn whilst you chat to DGM,
she’s biased and possibly also against DD a bit -ignore

Original poster
letsmowthelawn · 22/03/2026 15:03

I was kind of loath to post it because of comments like that.

My own mum is dead (as is my dad) so I’ve no dog in the race. I’ve always sent MIL and FIL loads of photos of the grandchildren and they’ve been as involved as they want to be (not much but that’s fine; it’s their choice) and when MIL wants to organise a family thing or whatever she messages me not DH. I’m not prone to overreacting and I assumed I was but I actually don’t think I am after yesterday. I think one of the issues is MIL doesn’t like our DD much, she is going through a difficult stage but I’m not going to just go along with that.

OP posts:
MrsFaustus · 22/03/2026 14:55

Yet another MIL one…giggling and tittering sounds like Frankie Howard (I’m old enough to remember him). Honestly this sounds so unimportant, yet we poor MILs can’t do anything right on MN.

pestowithwalnuts · 22/03/2026 14:47

I think I'd be tempted to look at her in disbelief and say.. " what's so funny ?"

Alouest · 22/03/2026 14:40

Whether or not you garden is not a moral judgment! If she thinks it is then more fool her.

Parsleyforme · 22/03/2026 14:35

Unless it would add fuel to the fire I would say I was planning to but don’t get much time with young children so hopefully will do more when they’re older. But as PPs said, I wouldn’t class maintenance like mowing and hedge trimming as gardening really

Original poster
letsmowthelawn · 22/03/2026 14:20

And she’s right in a sense; I don’t do any gardening but with two young children I don’t have much free time. In the future things might be different. I just feel she doesn’t like me much and looks down on me but maybe I’m being a bit paranoid.

OP posts:
Original poster
letsmowthelawn · 22/03/2026 14:19

Thanks. I probably do need some comebacks but I never think of them in the moment and we don’t see them all that often so it barely feels worth raising it. I was wondering whether to mention to DH or not but probably isn’t worth it.

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 22/03/2026 14:17

’Oh, he’s great at doing the lawn - he leaves the actual gardening to me. Just as well, since he barely knows a buttercup from a cauliflower.’

(that last would be true of my dh!)

mumofoneAloneandwell · 22/03/2026 14:07

You need pre prepared comebacks.

'Yes he does, hes a damned good husband', before kissing him and walking away

If you can, never let her digs go by without:

  1. A reponse
  2. A clear lack of being offended by her

I'm sure others will be along with clever retorts

Yanbu x

Sugargliderwombat · 22/03/2026 14:04

Urgh. Sounds irritating someone keeping track of what's been said and trying to throw something pathetically small back in your face.

I can see how annoying it would be if it happens a lot.

Nicecatneighbour · 22/03/2026 13:47

Here's where you employ the old eye rolls, OP. 🙄
Smile, bite your tongue, maybe say a positive as PP suggests " oh I love watching DH do the mowing, MIL, want a small sherry, I'm having one?"

LindorDoubleChoc · 22/03/2026 13:46

Yes, I would find it very irritating, especially the giggling. I'd have to say something like "Is it funny? lawn mowing makes up about a 50th of what needs doing in the house every week so he doesn't mind doing that".

TonTonMacoute · 22/03/2026 13:44

Ignore.

I do the gardening, DH mows the lawn.

LizzieSiddal · 22/03/2026 13:43

She seems to be gleeful about scoring a point against you. She doesn’t sound very nice.

When my MIL annoys me, which she does a lot, I leave the room and find something which needs doing. I also restrict how much I see her and that suits me very well.

Minniliscious · 22/03/2026 13:43

Why do in laws always have to comment? Just come up for a cuppa and be nice!!