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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think some posters get way too invested in threads?

59 replies

catchingup1 · 22/03/2026 11:10

Genuine question because I’ve noticed this a lot lately. You’ll have an OP come on asking for advice or just sharing a situation and within a few replies some posters seem to take it very personally.

They start demanding answers from the OP, picking apart every single thing they’ve said, quoting line by line and then getting annoyed or even angry if the OP doesn’t respond to them specifically. Then it escalates into “what do you actually want from this thread?” as if the OP has to justify posting at all.
It’s like the thread stops being about helping and turns into some kind of interrogation or point scoring exercise.

I get that people are giving their time and opinions but the OP isn’t obliged to reply to every comment or explain themselves to strangers on the internet.
Sometimes it feels like people forget there’s an actual person behind the post, not just a debate to win.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
NovemberMorn · 25/03/2026 11:46

pictoosh · 23/03/2026 17:04

Yes there are some arrogant, self-congratulatory and cruel posters here.
"And you had children with this man, why?"
Just fuck off.

Yes, yes, YES.....I don't normally write swear words, but those condescending know alls...JUST fUCK Off.

FinalFinalFile · 23/03/2026 19:04

I agree with you, except I think they do know there’s a real person behind it, they get a kick out of it.

Pluto46 · 23/03/2026 17:09

The 'legal' and 'employment' advice posted by idiots with no caveat that they have not a clue what they are talking about. Dangerous, particularly if it validates what the equally clueless OP wants to hear. There are always one or two, obviously qualified, posters trying to give accurate advice but its often fighting the tide.

Pastit12 · 23/03/2026 17:09

Peachmarmalade · 22/03/2026 12:53

Yes I have noticed this. I am on a thread now where someone keeps coming back obsessively to defend one particular specific point of view and I find it bizarre and quite emotionally unhealthy. At first I thought it was just me they were arguing with but nope, they have been arguing with many people on the thread over one particular specific point like its their job.

I feel really sad for people like that, they must not have much in their lives.

You’re not on the same thread as me are you 😂

pictoosh · 23/03/2026 17:04

Yes there are some arrogant, self-congratulatory and cruel posters here.
"And you had children with this man, why?"
Just fuck off.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 23/03/2026 17:00

Janeaway · 23/03/2026 08:32

I don't like the sort of posters who are wise after the event: 'why did you marry him before he turned out to be an axe murderer?' Those sort. Or, 'I would never have married an axe murderer, even if I hadn't known at the time'. Sanctimonious and pompous.

yes, the victim blaming is vile.
I think people don't think, or don't care, that a post on MN might be a person's first step to get advice and an outside view.

Chapsticks · 23/03/2026 16:59

Mumtobabyhavoc · 23/03/2026 16:56

Was it the AIBU for having a bear post? Didn't read, but saw title. 💐

Show quote history

No it was about a lady that had severe anxiety, asking for help.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 23/03/2026 16:56

Chapsticks · 23/03/2026 09:24

Ive had it a few times on MN.
Even last night one poster said she has no words, because I was an adult that owns a toy bear.
And what dose this bear do.
She was quite rude to others as well.

Was it the AIBU for having a bear post? Didn't read, but saw title. 💐

Mumtobabyhavoc · 23/03/2026 16:54

GreyCarpet · 23/03/2026 08:31

The ones that get me are where a week or so after the thread has died down, someone will come on just to post, "Hi, OP, I just wondered how you're doing now?"

No. No, you didn't wonder how that complete stranger was doing now. You were just sitting down with a cup of tea and no other thread caught your fancy or you were feeling a bit bored/nosy and just wanted someone to come and entertain you for a while.

Show quote history

I have to disagree. Sometimes an OP has a situation that seems really dire etc and a sincere check-up is kind. It re-establishes a bit of humanity.

Safetoreply · 23/03/2026 09:49

I also notice posters get angry if you don't take their advice. If posters haven't lived that life or been in that situation they either think it couldn't have happend or the answer is easy. When the op explains that can't work the poster starts having a go at the op because that poster wants everything neat and tidy. When theres not a neat and tidy answer they get uncomfortable. Because its out it their comfort zone. Its like they want to be seen as having the answer..
I have even seen posters advice someone in a dv situation to be honest with the violent person when op explained that would put them at risk. The poster started arguing.

Weeverbeaver · 23/03/2026 09:24

"Why would you move there? Nobody is friendly"

imagine thinking you know that 9 million people are unfriendly and then stating it like it's fact as if you've met each and every one of them

😁

Chapsticks · 23/03/2026 09:24

Ive had it a few times on MN.
Even last night one poster said she has no words, because I was an adult that owns a toy bear.
And what dose this bear do.
She was quite rude to others as well.

Weeverbeaver · 23/03/2026 09:02

YANBU I am reading two threads this morning and watching people argue, disagree and get all emotional.

It's a bit much. One is about relocating and the other is about eating out and affordability

Original poster
catchingup1 · 23/03/2026 08:55

Janeaway · 23/03/2026 08:32

I don't like the sort of posters who are wise after the event: 'why did you marry him before he turned out to be an axe murderer?' Those sort. Or, 'I would never have married an axe murderer, even if I hadn't known at the time'. Sanctimonious and pompous.

I always see this kind of thing on the step parenting threads. People saying they would never be with anyone who had children and people who do should have known what they were getting into.

OP posts:
Original poster
catchingup1 · 23/03/2026 08:54

Homer28 · 23/03/2026 08:28

People do really invest in threads. I had a thread about a birthday party last year and there were people really invested in the story however..is this sort of the point of mumsnet and engaging in a thread?

I find it far more baffling the posters that come on and say 'really? 15 pages about a party? I'm glad i have more going on in my life!'

What is the point in those posters?

Edited

This is really annoying. They say this and yet they are on the thread. If you have so much more going on in your life, get on with it!

OP posts:
Janeaway · 23/03/2026 08:32

I don't like the sort of posters who are wise after the event: 'why did you marry him before he turned out to be an axe murderer?' Those sort. Or, 'I would never have married an axe murderer, even if I hadn't known at the time'. Sanctimonious and pompous.

GreyCarpet · 23/03/2026 08:31

Homer28 · 23/03/2026 08:28

People do really invest in threads. I had a thread about a birthday party last year and there were people really invested in the story however..is this sort of the point of mumsnet and engaging in a thread?

I find it far more baffling the posters that come on and say 'really? 15 pages about a party? I'm glad i have more going on in my life!'

What is the point in those posters?

Edited

The ones that get me are where a week or so after the thread has died down, someone will come on just to post, "Hi, OP, I just wondered how you're doing now?"

No. No, you didn't wonder how that complete stranger was doing now. You were just sitting down with a cup of tea and no other thread caught your fancy or you were feeling a bit bored/nosy and just wanted someone to come and entertain you for a while.

Homer28 · 23/03/2026 08:28

People do really invest in threads. I had a thread about a birthday party last year and there were people really invested in the story however..is this sort of the point of mumsnet and engaging in a thread?

I find it far more baffling the posters that come on and say 'really? 15 pages about a party? I'm glad i have more going on in my life!'

What is the point in those posters?

PacificOpal · 23/03/2026 08:24

Farewelltothatid · 22/03/2026 11:24

I used to get over invested in threads . I didn't used to interrogate the OP in the manner you describe and I hope I always remembered it was a real life situation. But I used to Watch a lot of threads and get realky emotionally involved and upset by them.

I made a conscious decision to stop watching threads. Sometimes I will revisit them further down the line to see what is happening to the OP.

However I still get notifications if anyone quotes any of my posts or tags me on a thread and I still have a problem with returning to the thread and answering the person who quotes me. So my next step is to stop the notifications and try and let things go.

So yes I really recognise what you are saying. I live a socially isolated life and I know how easy it is to get too sucked into the MN world. I do get very annoyed by the people who treat the OP and their problems as some sort of soap opera there for entertainment.

Yes, I dont get notifications like that as I changed the setting

GloiredeDijon · 23/03/2026 08:23

LumpyandBumps · 22/03/2026 13:10

I’ve noticed threads where one poster will have a whole succession of posts deleted, and think to myself ‘why don’t they take the hint?
I also dislike threads where 2 posters will have long drawn out arguments between themselves, often barely relevant to the original post.

That infuriates me too. I scroll past their playground bickering but it is ridiculous behaviour.

I will reply to one comment if somebody quotes me and is being argumentative but if they carry on trying to pick a fight I ignore them.

Original poster
catchingup1 · 23/03/2026 07:19

Mumtobabyhavoc · 22/03/2026 23:54

You've missed the part that they do a deep dive into the person's previous posts and point out contradictions or info they feel was inappropriately omitted in a "gotcha" move and then other's chiming in that the uncovered info changes everything and that their previous supportive post no longer applies.
🤦‍♀️

Show quote history

That is so true! Well articulated.

OP posts:
Mumtobabyhavoc · 22/03/2026 23:54

catchingup1 · 22/03/2026 11:10

Genuine question because I’ve noticed this a lot lately. You’ll have an OP come on asking for advice or just sharing a situation and within a few replies some posters seem to take it very personally.

They start demanding answers from the OP, picking apart every single thing they’ve said, quoting line by line and then getting annoyed or even angry if the OP doesn’t respond to them specifically. Then it escalates into “what do you actually want from this thread?” as if the OP has to justify posting at all.
It’s like the thread stops being about helping and turns into some kind of interrogation or point scoring exercise.

I get that people are giving their time and opinions but the OP isn’t obliged to reply to every comment or explain themselves to strangers on the internet.
Sometimes it feels like people forget there’s an actual person behind the post, not just a debate to win.

You've missed the part that they do a deep dive into the person's previous posts and point out contradictions or info they feel was inappropriately omitted in a "gotcha" move and then other's chiming in that the uncovered info changes everything and that their previous supportive post no longer applies.
🤦‍♀️

PennySweeet · 22/03/2026 16:22

catchingup1 · 22/03/2026 15:47

Sometimes the discrepancy is because the OP changed a few details for anonymity. I have done this.

Show quote history

Yeah, sometimes they change small details and people pick on that.

But for the most part it's glaring discrepancies that cause the rows.

EmeraldRoulette · 22/03/2026 15:50

KarmenPQZ · 22/03/2026 12:47

I came on here after noticing an adjacent post titled thread 26 of the salt path and assumed it was about that. Seriously I read the book and assumed it was fiction and I’m relatively interested but 26 threads 😂

I cannot believe that

I keep thinking something else must've happened.

Original poster
catchingup1 · 22/03/2026 15:47

TwistedWonder · 22/03/2026 14:20

Agree with this. Sometimes a quick reference to an OPs previous threads can give a bit more context (and sometimes point out blatant discrepancies)

If it is done in the right way, then I don’t see an issue

Show quote history

Sometimes the discrepancy is because the OP changed a few details for anonymity. I have done this.

OP posts: