Man I’m seeing has just told me he has genital herpes.

Plenty of husbands cheat and lie, even after years of marriage 🤷

Your argument means that if you don't use a condom and your husband cheats and gives you an STI, then you're responsible for it, as you're responsible for your own body and no one else is.

Or maybe women shouldn't be blamed for being trusting when men lie convincingly to them, or withhold information.

Tell him that your morals don’t align and that if you had GHs you would have told him before having sex and for that reason he’s fired

She knew him for 2 months and they had STI testing. They discussed it and probably being exclusive. He lied to her about his STI status instead of telling her right then.

She's not responsible for him lying to her. That's completely on him. She has acted responsibly here in having the talk and testing. She was acting in good faith. He wasn't.

It is a probity issue and you could report him to the GMC for it.

Indefensible behaviour and I’m sorry that you were treated that way.

Also, there’s this to peruse

https://www.cps.gov.uk/prosecution-guidance/intentional-or-reckless-sexual-transmission-infection

How it is victim blaming to say use condoms

The op knew the man for 2 months i am not debating anything else

Why not just answer the question. You are victim blaming.

There is no contraception/protection that is 100%effective against herpes.

eta, Oh, I’ve just seen your username. I shall ignore you as I usually do.

Why is it any different if you're married? Your husband could be lying to you about his STI status, or cheating.

To be fair, 7 out of 10 will have HSV1, and mostly on their mouth not their vulva or penis, and once a variety has infected the lips, it only very rarely infects the genitals on the same person - it doesn't spread that way, afaik. So I do think that's a very different situation.

Although I do think that people should disclose that too, due to the potential for infection via oral sex.

It's a life-long, incurable condition that can be exceedingly painful from what I've heard, and which can reoccur very frequently for some people. It's quite serious, given that.

I am saying i am responsible for ensuring, if I was not married, to only having sex with a condom and other form of protection

He knowingly exposed you to an STI without disclosure.

That's pretty horrific. For a doctor, he's 🤮.

I don't know about the legal consequences of nondisclosure where you are. But he certainly had a moral and ethical duty to disclose and was negligent in not doing so. If you test positive, he's caused you personal harm. Just having the stress of this is causing you harm.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. He violated you when he decided he would rather have sex without a condom and not tell you he had a STI and let you decide. I hope you test -.

That's why I said I do agree, otherwise.

But condoms do not eliminate risk altogether. And to be fair, one is not an idiot to not use condoms if one is on another form of contraception, and believes that their sexual partner is being honest in regards to disclosing STIs.

It's a shame that two months in, this fellow was lying to OP by omission, but I don't think she's an idiot for trusting him.

How do you end it?

You end it by telling him you no longer want to continue a relationship with someone who didn't give you full information about their sexual health before having sex with you i.e. he deceived you.

I don't know how you could ever trust him again.

Are you saying it’s ok that he didn’t disclose then?

If you discussed sti,s and risk etc before having unprotected sex and he didn't disclose this, then it is non consensual sex imo.
You must be in shock, op. It's not your fault.

Being a female i am responsible for my own body no one else is

I agree it's very shoddy of him not to have told you. If the information would've stopped you having sex, then he's violated your consent. I'm not going to tell you how strongly to feel about that.

However ... I have it. I've never had a full outbreak, just a small sore spot when I'm run down. And I've had a fairly serious fatigue condition for decades, which still hasn't resulted in an outbreak (🤞)

From the info site linked above:

1. Genital herpes is caused by a herpes simplex virus (type 1 or type 2) – nearly everyone will catch at least one type, sooner or later. This means 7 out of 10 by age 25.
2. Most don’t know they have it. Only 1 in 3 will have symptoms and get diagnosed. Two out of three have such mild symptoms, they don’t get diagnosed – or they have no symptoms at all.

There are really only selfish reasons for only telling you after you've had sex

Just tell him that

That's not a reason not to use a condom. Condoms don't eliminate the risk of pregnancy either ( DD is proof of this). You still be an idiot not to use them though.

Oh good lord - why do women always think it is their fault? What craziness is this?

Condoms only reduce the risk, not eliminate it. But yes, otherwise I agree.

Should you use condoms regardless

You should have used a condom, but even if you had, he should still have disclosed before you ever had sex.

Dump him, and let him know exactly why, he doesn't deserve better.

What a lying bastard he is, OP. That's disgusting, to take away your ability to give informed consent. How dare he??

I think if he's on antivirals you should be okay – there's always a chance, even when someone isn't showing symptoms, but I imagine on antivirals it's a very small risk. I wouldn't worry myself sick, but I would get tested, if I were you.

I'd be ropeable and tell him exactly what I thought of him, tricking someone into sex and lying by omission – barely a step up from rape – and then I'd ditch him. The prick.