Man I’m seeing has just told me he has genital herpes.

And she took the normal steps before stopping using a condom. They discussed it and had testing. He lied to her. He knew and that is provable because he's on antivirals as a suppressive regimen.

He was willing to lie and cause her personal injury and harm so he could go condom free. He didn't care about her right to know before she consented to unprotected sex. He took that informed consent away from her.

And he did that deliberately.

He doesn't care about the consequences to her. That's reckless and intentional disregard for her safety. This guy shouldn't be practicing medicine if he's capable of such unethical and risky behaviour.

It can be very serious though - some people (as they've said on this thread) can be plagued by regular bouts of painful, debilitating sores on their genitals. It also means that you need to disclose it to people prior to sex, which might put a lot of them off, and it creates a background worry that you could transmit the infection to others even despite taking preventative measures.

And it's incurable.

That all seems like something that most people would very, very much rather avoid! (Incidentally, I do have HSV1 on my lip, having contracted it as a child sharing drink bottles, I think, and it's something I take very seriously even though I've only had four outbreaks in my life).

I’m not sure why you think it’s funny.

Although for many people it can be managed and they have few outbreaks, I know someone that has had an awful time with it. Even with taking medication, she has had multiple outbreaks over 2 years since first catching it and she found has found it hard to function due to the symptoms which for her have been very bad.

Condoms don’t prevent herpes so don’t beat yourself up over that.

Having the exclusive chat, getting tested and not using condoms is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. You are not at fault in this. At all.

He should have told you before having sex with you at all because condoms don’t protect from herpes. He’ll likely use the excuse that so many people have them, but that’s a shit excuse and doesn’t make it ok.

Condoms wouldn't prevent a spread of herpes so don't beat yourself up. You don't owe him a reason but if you want to give one just say you are not happy he knowingly exposed you to a risk of illness (even if it is a low risk due to the medication) without your consent

Its not 'very serious', relax. Loads of people have it and live normal lives. Its not a death sentence 🤣
However i do think if you know you have it you should always say before sex. Wrong not to.

I agree

What a callow man.

A quick google suggests that a UK doctor knowing and withholding this information is very serious and potentially career ending.

The OP has evidence that he knew before they had sex and didnt tell her so what she chooses to do with that information, especially for his next victim(s), is up to her.

Because it's your body and no-one is going to care about your body and health as much as you. It's not a 'women always thinking they're at fault' thing, it's about every individual making sure they take steps to protect themselves and not rely on others to have their best interests at heart, regardless of the genders involved.

Is this not illegal? Sleeping with someone while knowingly having an std, and a doctor aswell? Vile.

Are you sure he is a real Doctor?
He has taken a huge risk in ruining his career for this. If he was stupid enough to have unprotected sex but then admit that he possibly infected you with a very serious lifelong virus, surely that would be detrimental to his career.
Book yourself in for a full STI screening.

I am so angry on your behalf. Also on behalf of my younger self who didn't know to trust her reactions on this sort of thing.

I think we can safely assume that he was keen to go ahead and have sex without a condom, and he would know there was a chance OP would not agree to that had she known in advance of having sex that he had genital herpes.

He should have told you first. You are unlikely to catch it when he hasn’t got a breakout.
Lesson learned, use a condom until you have the sexual history discussion.
I caught genital warts 25 years ago. Only had one breakout, never transferred them to DH in 20 years.

He wanted bareback and knew he wouldnt get it if she knew. Betcha.

It’s not your fault. Obvs it’s unwise not to use condoms due to risks from other STI but you can still catch Herpes even when using condoms.

I wouldn’t get tied up in what to say to him. Just block and move on, he doesn’t deserve an explanation.

What was his reason for not telling you?

I recently contracted genital herpes. I would never sleep with anyone without disclosing it first. And I’d never forgive a partner - a doctor! - who didn’t tell me they had it before accepting unprotected sex. There’s no excuse. It smacks of bad character.

Oh the "Coulda/Woulda/Shoulda"'s are out in force I see.

@Sarah24x Hindsight is 20/20 but the fact is that at some point most people stop using condoms, you had checks and are using contraception, so dont flay yourself for that.

He knew before you had sex, that is dishonest and disrespectful so the message I would send is

"I think you knew I wouldnt have had sex with you, or at least not without barrier protection, had you told me of your STI. You chose to withhold that information, presumably so that I would sleep with you without a condom, so you removed my right to give informed consent. I find that disgusting, dishonourable and down right cruel. As a doctor you will be aware that no Herpes treatment 100% prevents transmission and you had no right to put me at risk like that.

I do not want to be in a relationship with someone who would play fast and loose with someone elses sexual health, especially someone who is supposed to be a health care professional. You disgust me."

I think you tell him that you think he has lied by omission - which he has - about a serious infection that could affect you, should you catch it from him, for the rest of your life. Which, as a doctor, he would be aware of. And should have the morals and ethics to have informed you of before having sex with you, while leading you to believe his STD tests were all clear. It is a dreadful breach of trust.

End things however you like. It's appalling behaviour, especially from a doctor.

I caught this from my ex whilst pregnant and was horrifically ill with it. I knew my ex had it (he disclosed very late though and wasn't transparent!) and he got it so mildly he could hardly tell. He didn't have the courtesy to check himself regularly.
Initial outbreak was awful, and was really ill and off work for 2 weeks. Dr was quite worried at the time as had racing heart and high temp (let alone struggled to go to the loo because of the pain and was given numbing gel and told to wee in the bath for comfort 😣
I have a very weak immune system, and 11 years later, probably breakout at least 5-6 times a year. When I'm ill or stressed I breakout, and even get patches of it under my arms too. I'm currently getting over a virus, and inevitably broke out as my body is low, its like adding insult to injury.
It can effect people VERY differently, so although he hardly breaks out, if you caught it, it could be another story.
It's really effected my life and I've been single since the break up (10 yrs ago!)
He definitely should of been honest, can't believe a Dr would be this deceitful!

And he's a doctor.

He did this to you, and he's a doctor.

I just can't get past that. It's awful behaviour. What a creep. Don't blame yourself.