Man I’m seeing has just told me he has genital herpes.

With regard to your friend’s situation regarding risk, if he was on medication with an undetectable viral load the risk to your friend would have been zero (not low). This has been proven for quite a few years now and is endorsed by all major world health organisations.

I don't think that's true that most people have herpes

In the UK they don't serotype because there's no clinical reason to do so because symptomatically they can both manifest exactly the same things.

I know it is upsetting psychologically for some people not to be able to "other" those with the genital manifestation but that's just the way it is. Almost everyone is infected but most people are fortunate enough never to realise.

Maybe stop giving advice through the prism of your own neurosis 🤷🏻

You said it. Or sort of said it.

Please stop trying to hijack OP's thread about deception and disappointment with your "it ain't all that bad" and "youse are all so ignorant about herpes" thing.

It is pretty startling to learn how some people still are about sexual health. I suppose it is a complicated area.

Did he explain why he didn't tell you before you had sex with him?
Even if the element of risk is small with antivirals and lack of symptoms its deceptive not to have told you before intimacy.
Deception breaches trust and that is difficult to get over.
He had unprotected sex with you knowing he had HSV (regardless of how much risk of transmission in his individual circumstances ) he should have told you before intimacy so you could decide how you want ed to proceed.
I had a friend in your situation only the infection was HIV (he was HIV positive,on medication and asymptomatic with low viral load) he didnt tell my friend until after they had sex (unprotected) even though she knew the risk was very small she felt unable to trust him and this ended the relationship.

In the UK they don't serotype because there's no clinical reason to do so because symptomatically they can both manifest exactly the same things.

I know it is upsetting psychologically for some people not to be able to "other" those with the genital manifestation but that's just the way it is. Almost everyone is infected but most people are fortunate enough never to realise.

Need his own lab...

I don't know what the NHS does or doesn't test for, but in other countries there is a swab test. A quick online search showed me multiple hospital trusts in the UK offering PCR viral swab testing for HSV strains, though.

The NHS doesn't test for it normally so he'd probably need his own lab?

I would think, as a doctor, he would have the nous to do a simple swab test on a lesion the first time it occurred. This would be sent to pathology and tell him if he has HCV1 or 2 or both. It's not that complicated.

He wouldn’t know unless he paid for a private blood test. An assumption would usually be made based on symptoms but the NHS don’t usually test to find out which strain. I don’t think doctors get special treatment at STD clinics.

Please look at the Herpes Virus Association website given in the first post, it makes my heart sink when it's referred to as 'a lifelong STD', it's a virus that can lie dormant, even when you have an outbreak it lasts about 5 days, the first outbreaks are usually the worst, they decrease over time and are much milder, so mild that you may not realise you are having an outbreak, and unless you are immunosuppressed it won't cause long term harm.
The stigma around this virus is much worse than the actions of the virus itself imo.

I'm ignorant about it!

You think, as a doctor, that he would be ignorant about his own diagnosis?

That's because you're ignorant about it. Some people do have bad cases of 1 and some have 2 and don't know. There's very little serological testing because in the vast majority of cases nobody cares and least said soonest mended.

I would suggest what with him being a doctor and on antivirals, and describing what he has (after having slept with OP without a condom) as genital herpes, that he has HSV-2.

Because if you have HSV-1 (the type people usually have orally) you can pass it on to people’s genitals during oral sex and most people who have it on the genitals don’t actually know if they have HSV-1 or HSV-2. Only a blood test would reveal that, which isn’t carried out as standard.

Now OP is saying she’s had cold sores in the past so she must already have one of the strains herself!

If people with GH must disclose then so should anyone who’s ever had a cold sore on the mouth as they also risk passing it on even if there’s no sore due to asymptomatic shredding.

Get checked and and use contraception i cant beleive you need to be told