Why are people trying to downplay how awful this is?

What makes you say she’s not grieving? Has she not been told of the direness of her mother’s predicament?

When one knows a close relative is going to die, the grief often starts well before the actual death.

How do you know that they dont know what that person is going through?

Death is death, it is the only thing the whole of humanity has in common; grief has no place for competitiveness.

I lost my only sibling as a child. I wish they’d lived till they were 23 - for their sake, not mine (though they’d still have been very young).

My mum died when I was in my 30s, very suddenly and in circumstances that was quite traumatic. If I follow the OP’s logic, it would have been better had she died when I was in my 40s or 50, so we would have had more time.

I’m not sure I agree with that. I’m glad I didn’t have to deal with a sudden, traumatic death whilst going though peri-menopause and/or menopause at the same time.

Although losing someone at a young age ie terrible, young people tend to be more forward-facing than people in their 50s and beyond. They’re also less likely to have to try to juggle grief alongside caring for young children, elderly relatives, menopause and other illnesses. Those things on top of grief can really take their toll.

Well obviously no two situations are ever exactly the same so no one knows exactly what anyone else is going through.
But grief is grief and all your colleagues are doing is sharing their experience of grief. And the feeling of loss can be just as strong if you lose someone you love when you are 20 or when you are 50.

What you are saying is that people who lost a loved one at an older age are not entitled to the same level of empathy as someone who loses a loved one at an earlier age

So why make a bloody thread about it then? If you’re so certain that you’re right to be disgusted at their attempts at empathy and compassion, why come on here? You alright know you’re right, right?

The vast, vast majority of posters are telling you that you’re wrong. That grief can be just as difficult and devastating irrespective of age and relation. You seem incapable of grasping that. So, please, if you’re not going to even briefly reconsider your position on this then just fuck off. It’s as infuriating as it is embarrassing now.

And for heaven’s sake stop talking about this poor woman at work. Allow her some dignity.

Me too and the parent was only 40.

If we are comparing how bad the impact of a parent's death is depending on the age of the child, would it also be affected by the age of the parent? For example, is it worse for a 23 year old to lose a parent who is only 45, than if they were 65, which is still younger than average, but not young?

But my kids lost their dad aged 6 and 9 so I can’t feel the same kind of empathy for someone in their 20s. My point is it is all relative and people deal with grief different. That uncle you said of your college could have been a father figure to her. I don’t know why you seem to think it matters just let people be.

I don’t think people mean it in an unkind way, I think they are trying to relate and express that they sympathise with your colleagues family. I wouldn’t take this badly if it were me. However if someone compared the loss of a pet then I might start to get annoyed (and I say that as someone who has pets who I care for dearly).

My clousin and I were joined at the hip from day one.
She was a flake.
I was a rock.
I’m thinking she was the only real narcissist I ever met in my life, and I’m thinking her mum made her that way.
The minute she graduated high school, she left town.
I went to uni close to home and worked close to home.
At one point, she even left the country.
But we always picked right up where we left off. We talked but we didn’t have to talk.
She came to me once and said “I have breast cancer.”
For the first and only time in my life, I panicked - because life without her was unimaginable.

”Are you gonna did?”
”Everybody dies, Dream.”

We lost her and my life has never been the same.
There has not been one single solitary day since 2005 that iI have not thought about her.

It sucks when somebody you love dies.
Age doesn’t matter.

I wish cancer got cancer and died.

Now now dear.

I've read and understood everything up to this point and disagreed with everything you've written.

You seem adamant that you're one of the rare few blessed with the ability to treat other people's tragedies in an appropriately sensitive way.

Good for you OP. Well done.

My DF lost her Mum at 23. She went from having a carefree time travelling in Asia on a gap year to a terminal cancer diagnosis 2 weeks after she got home. Less than a month later she was gone and she was supporting her Dad through the related administration of the death and estate whilst moving to a new city to begin her graduate job as there was no flexibility in her start date. It was absolutely brutal and I think changed her forever.

I’ve had my fair share on cancer experiences in the family. Lost 3/4 grandparents and dMum had breast cancer but later got an all clear. It’s been hard in it’s own way but I would never ever dream of comparing it to DFriend’s experience. The shock and intensity of it was completely brutal and decades later I still see the impact.

We found that when my parent-in-laws passed away, that other people mentioned their experiences. We were never sure whether they were trying to be empathetic , or whether it was a why if offloading their grief. For most parts, I don’t think it was grief top trumps.

This is one of those times people criticise something about others but can't see they are actually just as bad.