Why are people trying to downplay how awful this is?

Everyone's grief is personal to themselves. There is no ranking system.
There isnt a league table of who's grief is worse than someone elses
YAUBVU

I agree.

Have a word with YOURself! You're the one posting in an internet site, about the bad news if a family you claim to be close to & a colleague who didn't say exactly the right thing, who was just showing some empathy when out on the spot by the office judgey pants..

I could post losses to see where you think they fit in your weird grief scheme, but they are unique to me & I don't actually give a fuck what you think about how I should feel about each one.

You sound like you’re projecting, why so invested? Yes it’s very sad and by all means empathise, but there’s no need to get angry that other people don’t react the way you think they ought to. You’re not the grief police.

What?! You wouldn’t want to say goodbye to your mother/father/sister? That is by far the strangest thing on this thread.
A very close relative of mine is dying slowly. The closest person to me by a long way. We speak daily. Multiple times a day and my biggest fear is her dying without me being able to say goodbye

And perhaps whe was extremely close to her grandparent some people are closer to their grandparents than to their parents.

You can’t compare or measure grief, you’re being very unreasonable OP. Focus on supporting your colleague and that’s it.

I lost my Dad to cancer when I was 24, so I totally know how she feels but while you feel awful for her, I think you downplaying their grief is worse, you don't know how close these people were to their grandfather or uncle. Everyone has different relationships and feel grief in different ways. Losing a parent is hard but you can't assume that someone whi hasn't lost a parent hadn't experienced their own grief.

It’s definitely not a competition. I agree, losing a parent at 23 would be devastating. I lost a parent suddenly, with no goodbyes at age 35. My husband lost a parent at age 29 to a slow painful death. Equally both as painful in their own ways. One thing I have learned is that you don’t compare grief with others.

Thank you so much for those kind words. I honestly wouldn't have dreamt of saying that to someone else. She also knew that both my parents were dead too, so it wasn't as if I hadn't known that grief either.

That's exactly what I'm saying - you're making it too simplistic because absolutely everyone's experience is different. How long you are with someone and how that relationship all had an impact on how difficult it is for you, both positively and negatively.

Ultimately everyone has a different experience and to think there is a simple hierarchy to grief is wrong.

I'm sorry but you can't quantify grief or predict how people will feel or how they should feel
I lost one parent when I was in my 20s and the other when I was in my 50s. The latter took me much longer to get over.
Every situation is different.
Every bereavement is terrible and knocks you for 6.

Or you could take a leaf from Jefferson Fisher’s book and say “I see it differently” rather than have a direct confrontation. He also has some great advice about what not to say to someone who is grieving eg “I know how you feel…..”

I also don't think they're trying to downplay anything. They're saying that what they went through with their parent dying was awful, and you're downplaying their experiences

I get what you mean, I think for the majority of people it would be harder to cope with the loss of a parent if you were early 20s and likely still finding your feet. I can’t imagine how I personally would have managed.

I think in these conversations however I would just internally think like this and say nothing. Some people come out with all sorts of rubbish when they can’t think of anything sensible to say. And obviously everyone copes differently. I’ve known a couple of people in their 50s and older who have never recovered from losing a parent.

I think it's a relative, there are so many different variables and it just depends on the circumstances. Surely a sudden death is worse? You don't get to say goodbye.

What attention are they getting though? It doesn't make sense

You are getting more attention from this than anyone. Why does it matter to you this much that they are wrong?