Wanting to have a ffm threesome with my boyfriend but worried I'll get jealous

I think you should go for it. You clearly really want it and have thought about it a lot.

It isn’t half as exciting, it isn’t half as alluring, and it isn’t a one tenth as sexy as it’s portrayed on porn.
Sonebody always gets left out or all of a sudden somebody finds it gross or somebody gets jealous.
Your fantasies are getting the better of you.

But go right ahead. Find out for yourself when your boyfriend and this woman are attracted to one another and you end up being the third wheel - watching them from the sidelines.

Having had a fair bit of experience with the swinging scene in my past, I echo what others are saying about the fact you’re looking for a unicorn. I know you’re talking to someone, there’s a lot of talk talked on swinging sites but it rarely manifests. If you did find someone, you’d have to be offering her ideal situation, otherwise she’ll keep looking. And her ideal situation probably means you being sure it’s what you want to do, which I don’t think you are.

Maybe an easier way to find out would be to go to a swingers club and talk to people, it may or may not lead to any action so to speak, but just being there will probably answer a lot of your questions, in a no pressure environment.

WRT to the question in your OP, I know that I could never share a partner so it’s not something I’ve done, but I have been the OW in a ffm and it was weird. I was a lot younger, they were a married couple. It was their first time and you could tell she was getting really uncomfortable about him touching me, so told him to stop, which was a shite deal for me, so don’t be that person 😂.

What I have far more experience of is being in a relationship where we had MMF threesomes, on a regular basis. My ex was totally into that. We did it for years but eventually it’s what broke us up. One of the men I slept with (a few times), I just had the most amazing sexual chemistry with him and although I knew I didn’t want to be with him, I realised that sexual chemistry was completely lacking with my actual partner, and I ended things. So that’s a danger, there is a possibility your partner may have a similar awakening!

Its one of those things you can't reverse once it's done. Can tmyou test the water with some sort of non sexual flirting together with someone in a social setting like a bar or something first before you go into sex. At least youll know if you get angry and jealous or if you feel relaxed and enjoy sharing.
Where are you hoping to find the person as well?

Nobody else can tell you how you will feel about it.

I have done it, and also had other varieties of threesome.

It doesn't necessarily wreck your relationship, but it obviously can cause jealousy. That will entirely depend on the people involved, how you all feel and behave towards each other etc.

You need to be up front with each other, agree boundaries from the start, and keep the lines of communication open too. And if at any point anybody wants to stop, as with all sex that should happen that instant and with no recommendations afterwards.....

It's not that easy finding another woman willing to do this either - there are sites specifically designed for facilitating it but they tend to be swamped with single males and couples - single women on there are few and far between.

Going to a sex club might be a good starting point for you, alternatively.

But if you have any reservations at all, I would probably advise against it. Though obviously, I'd and when it works well it can be great.

One idea could be to choose a woman with whom you have strong chemistry - then just enjoy each other, leaving DP to self-indulge.

I imagine this would end up as sadly as your threesome idea, but I'm fed up with men wanting a faux lesbian sideshow so they can shag two women. May as well be selfish on your own behalf.

Personally I'd steer clear of introducing threesomes in previously monogamous, committed relationships - they're best left to casual hook-ups or situationships, where no one will be that upset if it all falls apart. Or relationships that start off as open, I suppose.

I think that otherwise they create too much instability and potential for jealousy, infatuation, and relationship breakup - and the fact that you're already worried doesn't bode well.

I would agree that going to a club, where you could get an idea of what you do and don’t want to do and what your comfort levels are, would be a better idea than just going straight for a private threesome.

I know this might come as a surprise to a lot of Mumsnetters, but some people do actually really enjoy sex and find it a good way to spend their time. There’s nothing wrong or weird about the pursuit of pleasure. If you’d rather have a cup of tea or a trip to B&Q, that’s fine. But surely you must realise that for a lot of people, sex is intensely enjoyable and fun and absolutely worth spending time doing and thinking about?

To be fair sex is a pretty big part of many people’s lives. Nothing wrong with that.

I wouldn’t only because you said you might get jealous.

My sister was a unicorn for a couple and it was great until she realized she wanted the relationship they had with each other.

But the other woman would be a willing participant. Unless the OP is planning on paying a sex worker, the other woman would be someone who wants the experience just as much as the couple does and is actively looking for a no-strings attached sexual experience. There’s no exploitation involved. It’s three people having a fully consensual sexual encounter.

OP, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having a threesome if you really want one, but if you’re worried about being jealous… I think you almost certainly will be jealous. Ignore the people being judgemental and unpleasant; it’s perfectly OK for consenting adults to do whatever they want with whoever they want in bed and if you had no misgivings I’d be telling you to get on and enjoy yourself. But I don’t think it’s something that will work out if you have any doubts whatsoever, and you obviously do have some doubts.

My friends did this and initially raved about how amazing it was and how much closer it made them. After 15 years of marriage they were divorced within the year.

If you think you might be jealous then there's your answer. You could ruin your relationship. You have to have an incredibly strong relationship without any insecurities for it to work. I couldn't do it from that point alone but each to their own.

Agree with all of this. The negotiation / logistics can feel like a shopping list but it’s really helpful to work out your boundaries and ensure everyone knows what they are.

I’d say the main question is whether you trust your partner to prioritise your feelings in the way they participate and communicate before, during and after.

Talk about what you’d like / find hot and why, and anything you’d prefer not to have happen. Like if you think kissing should just be for you then say so. Work out how you will manage things in the moment. You could have a traffic light system, or have it so that you control the scene by making the suggestions.

I’ve had FFM but my partner is the woman so it’s a bit different.

There’s something really lovely about seeing someone you care about have an amazing time, and enjoying yourself in the process.

I think if you are worried about jealousy coming into it, then don't do it. I would have a threesome only if I had no emotional connection to either of the people I am having sex with, it's not something I could do if I loved one of the people as I'd be jealous.

There’s quite a few around if your on the right sites. You would be surprised!

Not sure that would be too difficult to make happen. The world is your oyster if you want this.

I'm not going to get drawn into a discussion of OP's posting history.
But the point is she has one which goes back at least 6 months.

She is not, as frequently happens, someone who has registered with MN and straight away starts a thread about sex or something controversial. Because that is the only reason they registered.

If you think she is not genuine then report this thread rather than troll hunt.

This is going to end so badly

I don’t know why you are getting criticism for thinking of you would be jealous or not. It’s a perfectly reasonable question to raise and you never know it might actually be your partner who is jealous or you will have a bloody lovely time! I’m interested in 3sums but haven’t tried and have also thought will I be jealous, it’s a common response. There are some great swingers accounts on insta and they talk about jealousy might be worth a watch. I would set your boundaries with your partner and also the person who is your third and also had a word which your all aware is I’m not comfortable.

plan how you want to reconnect with your partner after as well

Most people answering on here are repulsed by the idea, which is fine, but the OP is actually asking for responses from people who have experienced it. Just because it's not for you doesn't mean it's morally wrong or not for the OP. OP, I know what you mean re preferring FFM - not done it myself, but being the only female in the MMF scenario strikes me as being quite hard work 🤣

They only seem to post referral links for websites/cashback.

Peep show s3e5 Mugged.
The Threesome: The "threesome" occurs between Jeremy, Michelle, and her friend Rae.
The Reality: In classic Peep Show fashion, it isn't the rockstar experience Jeremy hoped for. It’s incredibly awkward, and Jeremy ends up feeling more like a "human prop" than a participant.

If you're going to make this a reality you and your partner need to be extremely emotional intelligent.

The fantasy in your head and how it plays out more than likely will not match up. Seeing your partner kissing another woman can be a trigger for jealousy because it is actually quite an intimate act. There is also a high chance the shiny new woman would get more attention from your partner. Or he could do things with her that he doesn't do to you.

Are you comfortable in your own skin OP? Do you want the other woman to be in the same age bracket as you? Have you discussed with your partner what type of woman you would both find attractive?

I appreciate all the logistics suddenly turn a fantasy into a mission, but it really does have to be well thought out if you want the relationship to survive the reality of said fantasy.

I'm not sure why people would want to watch their respective partner have sex with another woman/man. Seeing them going down on the other one would be very odd, especially if you had a sudden vision of the fact that's what your partner looked like doing it to you. 😳😒😕

As pp said, it sounds all rather seedy and a bit weird. If it is kept hidden as a fantasy in the mind, it makes it a lot more appealing. In reality, it might be rather more disturbing than kinky 😳