AIBU not to attend brother-in-law’s wedding 500 miles away due to cost and lack of relationship with them?

I feel for you OP, had a similar situation ourselves last summer. BIL got married in europe, husband said it cost us over a grand for flights, parking at airport and car hire, petrol. Not including expensive wedding gift. I economised by wearing a dress i already had, and I borrowed another from my sister for the second day. Husband splashed out on a linen suit. We had to travel with a toddler aswell who did really well but wouldn't sit through the ceremony obviously and was very hungry and bored bless him as the speeches took too long. BIL had 3 best men, but my hubby wasn't one of them, despite them supposedly being close...It was a massive ball ache and very stressful. I agree with other posters that there could be repercussions and heat from your inlaws but it'll be hardwork if you decide to go. Good luck whatever you decide.

It sounds like you might be more than a little bit bitter that people didn’t want to do this for you.

If it’s in the summer as I assume from your post you find a campsite. Go camping. Whilst doing that attend the ceremony bit of the wedding only then get back to your camping holiday.

that way you spend the £1000 (it should be less if no accommodation) for a weeks holiday in Scotland at a campsite with your toddler. You take standard clothes you already own and wear that.

if not just stay at home with toddler and your DH goes.

He does need to attend a siblings wedding for family dynamics to not worsen.

Absolutely dont go unless you can do a trip somewhere on the way way back to make it bearable travel wise. Your toddler will hate it it will be so stressful. I would make up an excuse. In a very similar situation with my brother and sister in law and it is really shit and it makes me really sad but you have to prioritise your family

I was responding to a poster who talked about driving for 2 day. Some if the journey can be done by train

I think we need to know which island it is, or at least is it Shetland, Orkney, Outer or Inner Hebrides. £200 a night sounds very expensive for the island I'm familiar with but I know it varies.

I suppose it depends what you class as remote. A lot of people not from Scotland would think islands like Arran, Mull, Skye etc are remote, but they are actually really well connected to public transport and have very varied accomodation options.

The smaller islands can actually sometimes be cheaper than the big popular ones for accommodation. Coll and Tiree were very cheap air bnb when we went recently. Ferries decent too although I've never looked into flights as not needed to. Lots of the islands have cheap glamping type accomodation that would be great fun with a toddler.

I’d hazard a guess a remote island probably doesn’t have many hotels so they’d most likely have to stay in the wedding party one which will hike the price up accordingly, they always do.

Still stand by it being a selfish thing to do. I completely understand people wanting to get married abroad for cultural reasons or even a better climate but deciding to get married in your home country, just a casual 500 miles away from where you live is nuts.

I don't think the OP has said which island it is, so I don't it is possble to guess how much fares and accommodation costs.

I've spent a lot of time on scottish islands. I've never paid anywhere near 200 a night for accomodation. Nor have I paid anywhere near the equivalent of the cost of fly to new York to get there. It's nonsense.

Oooh another thought. If the bride and her family are from the wedding destination, would there be any opportunity of staying with friends/family for a couple of nights? I've done it for folks travelling for weddings here. In fact, for my sister's wedding, I ended up with a camp bed in the spare room, for a couple with a child; and then another pal on the sofa!

I live almost in Scotland and just thought of the drive and knowing how unreliable the ferries can be even if no storms makes me want to weep at the thought and I don’t have kids to take with me!

They’re not necessarily the same people opining.

ETA: even within the same family. And on MN. People are weird.

Especially when they live in the same town for the first birthday (which is basically as family get together) and the wedding is costly and miles away. One is for most people very easy and cheap to do and the other very expensive and logistically awkward- yet look at which one some people are saying you must not miss.

I'm guessing the wedding is somewhere like Skye or Mull. They can be super pricey in the high season. However, you might find that you can get a caravan or B&B a bit cheaper. Alternatively, if it's Skye, and you're near the bridge end of the island, you could look at Kyle or Plockton to stay on the mainland. Obviously you'd have to drive there, and it might not be suitable, but we've noticed it's a fair bit cheaper.
On Lewis, you can be cheaper staying down nearer the Harris end sometimes. I've found some ace Air B&Bs in Stornoway too.

Just to back you up on the 500 miles thing, and it taking a while. I can take 4.5 hours to drive to Skye, and it's just over 200 miles from me on the outskirts of Edinburgh. The roads can be windy, and not fast to get through. Obviously, that adds to any ferry schedule, etc.

Indeed.

I find the lack of geographical knowledge on here astonishing. I am pretty familiar with the single track A roads with passing places you get in the highlands of Scotland and the lack of regular public transport, and just how expensive train travel is on some of the routes.

DH has family in Inverness, and even with a senior railcard the return fare is £140 from South Yorkshire. Times that by two and we are looking at the best part of £300 on train fares alone. National Express is not much cheaper, but can you imagine a 13 hour coach trip with toddlers? Then there is the ferry and accommodation on top of that.

Not when it's a family member you don't have much of a relationship with, who you rarely see, and who has chosen to have the wedding 500 miles away in the arse end of nowhere. The OP's brother-in-law clearly doesn't give a shiny shite how difficult and expensive and inconvenient it's going to be for the wedding guests to get there, and all the logistics and expense and time involved for them, so why should the OP (or anyone else) care about attending?

Just a random thought: these days technology is so good, the 'happy couple' could have a picture of the OP's child digitally added to the wedding pictures....

Also, those who are saying 'family is important, family weddings are important ' may have missed the corker of a thread on bad behaviour at weddings recently. Not all bad behaviour was relatives but a lot was and shows that tensions can explode at a wedding. (I am not sure if this is a reason to stay away or a reason to go!).

I also don't get the logic of it's ok to not care about a child's 1st birthday but it's outrageous not to care about a family wedding.

There's a saying often used on Mumsnet: 'it's an invite not a summons'.
If you and your DH are happy with, or able to live with, the consequences of not going: don't go!
Travel to remote parts of the UK is exhausting even when you want to do it, let alone for something or someone you are not keen on.
You may be getting flamed here for not wanting to go, but only you know the full story, family history, and can work out what the consequences would be for either attending or not attending.
You could do a 'pros and cons' list if it helps.
Good luck!

The usual bonkers responses from Mumsnet! Do people really think there is a cheap travel lodge or Premier Inn in every single part of the UK? Of course a journey like London- Skye (not saying it’s there but as an example) is over 500 miles…Friends did it late last year and stopped in Carlisle on the way up for the night, it’s hours and ours of driving! Outside of the Scottish cities there are not many chain hotels (I can’t think of any) like Premier Inn.

Yet the happy-couple-to-be want the OP's children for their photographs.

No one finds your children as interesting or as important to them as you.

I do think you should go - but can see why it’s expensive. We went to Hs best mates wedding in Scotland with our toddler many years ago and it cost us about that for 3 nights. H was best man though to be fair. I have to say it was hard work so I’d probably send H alone if we had to do it again - it certainly was inconvenient. I was unreasonably still annoyed about it when the couple divorced!

Could you not hire a private jet and private helicopter?