AIBU not to attend brother-in-law’s wedding 500 miles away due to cost and lack of relationship with them?

I would have thought so but she didn’t mention a 10 hour drive either so it got me thinking.

It’s your husbands brother. You all or at least your husband should go. These things matter

I think she'd have said if a flight was involved surely.

You are better off sending DH with toddler if possible since you obviously don’t want to go.

You not going will likely not be as big of an issue as your DH and toddler not attending his brother’s wedding.

Is the wedding abroad?

If they are hang a wedding 500miles from where they live there’s likely to be quite a few not attending.

No. You don’t need to jump through hoops for people who do little for you. I would tell DH you aren’t going, but he’s welcome to.

Another vote for DH going alone, I only went to the ceremony and the meal of my SIL’s wedding with 2 under 5 year olds, I did the photos and then took them home (thankfully it was only 40 mins away). I skipped out with them before the speeches and DH stayed with his family for the rest of the afternoon and evening do.
He came home the next day, he said no one had said anything negative about us going early and people had been surprised and complimentary at how well the little ones had sat for the few hours we had been there.
Had the wedding been 500 miles away there is absolutely no way I would have gone, with a toddler in tow.
DH would have gone on his own and stayed in a travel lodge and caught up with his family.

I didn’t attend my nephew’s wedding as I didn’t feel I could justify the time and expense. My brother and SIL didn’t attend my wedding for similar reasons and we’re all still close.

If your family is the sort to hold petty grudges, then they’re really not worth bothering with in the first place.

Do you want a closer relationship? If yes, then keep the option open by attending. I imagine things may change if they have children.

If you are happy to let the relationship stay slack then send the husband or none of you attend.

Have you ever communicated your upset at lack of effort?

Obvious solution is to let dh go alone.: I think it would be bad form to miss a siblings wedding .

I think not having the money is quite black and white. No one would miss paying their rent or go without food to pay for a wedding

but let’s be honest, for more people they’d just rather not spend it. It would mean using savings or a credit card. They could go though.

its also though- how cheap to do you expect a wedding to be? You could easily sink £100 at the bar at a crap wedding in the rugby club done the road.

DH’s brother so as others have said, he should decide and it would be easier for him to go alone by the sound of things. Utterly baffling that a person would have a wedding in the same country but 500 miles away from home. I understand weddings abroad (different weather, culture etc) but to do this in the same country is just selfish.

DH should go alone, say it's too expensive and difficult with toddler for you to attend

You clearly don’t want to go but it’s also your child’s family! Your child’s uncle, cousins, grandparents etc. i’m sure you can find a cheaper solution than 1k for 2 nights away. I understand that DH doesn’t want to miss his brother’s wedding. Also I think you are expecting a bit much re relationship with your toddler. If you don’t go to the wedding, it will be even worse.

Can't believe the replies here, oh it's only a grand, can't be that far, can't cost that much, you must be mistaken. London to Edinburgh is easily 500 miles, then 2 nights hotel and all the other expenses, hitting a grand is very easy to do. No, fuck that OP, you're right to say not happening. That's more than a month of rent or mortgage payment for most people. No fucking way would I be doing that. Because I simply don't have the money.

500 miles within the UK is perfectly plausible. It’s over 500 from my house to Cornwall, and it’s not inconceivable that folk from the Home Counties would fancy a highland castle wedding (if you start in Shetland you can travel 500 miles and not leave Scotland…)

I think I’d send your DH alone. Much easier to go for cheaper options when you are not factoring in a toddler.

It's your husband's brother, of course he has to go. You should probably go too unless you really are financially struggling. The fact they have little interest in your child I'm presuming is because they are childless. Some people without kids tend not to be interested until they have kids themselves and then they realise it was bad form (not everyone but I had little interest in my niece and nephews in my 20s until I had my own kids). Unless there's a huge backstory of abuse or something then it's one of those family obligations where you have to put them first. You might even have fun.

*874 miles by road, that is.

I'm a little puzzled by this post. Given that it's 874 miles from Lands End to John O'Groats, it's quite possible to be travelling this distance in this country?

Ah, yeah, good point! Thanks.

The bride’s family and friends all may live in the area they are getting married.

We don’t see our siblings often, we all have busy lives and arranging time to catch up is a nightmare however we wouldn’t miss a wedding or a party . We don’t all live nearby but make an effort for special occasions,

Why do people get married so far away from their base, their family and their friends then expect them all to go? Ridiculous tbh. Don't go OP if you don't want to, you don't sound close at all.