AIBU not to attend brother-in-law’s wedding 500 miles away due to cost and lack of relationship with them?

Get a train as far as you can?

Hi OP, I'm curious- what did you decide to do in the end - did you all go to the wedding?!

Eta - I didn't think you had to, btw.

Why do people always feel guilty about not doing something you don't want to do. No one should have to do anything they don't want to. Tell DH to grow a pair and tell them you are not going. End of. What they gonna do ??????????????

Too many posters not bothering to read the OP's updates.

Amazing that you know how much this will cost without knowing the location or dates. It thought Mystic Meg was dead!

Stay at a B&B …

• Budget/Mid-range (£60–£110/night): Small guesthouses or private rooms in very remote locations …

Absolutely bloody not! Aside from costs, I wouldn’t want my baby on the roads for 500 miles for the risk element, not to mention how awful it would be for the baby, even with lots of breaks. No thanks! Tell them we simply cannot afford it. Nobody can be angry with you or your DH if you don’t have the money! I think if the wedding was 100/200 miles away then yes it would cause a rift to not go, but I’m pretty sure everyone would understand you not being able to afford £1k+ along with dragging a baby 500 miles, given that this is essentially a destination wedding. If they were getting married in New Zealand and some family members couldn’t afford it, I’m pretty sure they’d understand!

Having read the OPs responses. I think the whole thing sounds like a massive PITA .
If someone is going to have a wedding in a remote / difficult to access location then they must realise some guests will not be able to get there easily without spending a fortune .
If a wedding is held some distance away BUT there are reasonably priced flights or train tickets and a number of less expensive hotels then it’d be easier for guests to go .
I had my wedding nearer where most of our relatives lived , only a few had to travel further.
Even then it was an easily accessible location with numerous hotels to choose from for different budgets .

Just be honest "due to costs we will not be able to attend." "Its out of our budget and not financially viable." Don't explain any further than that.

I would politely decline. It's a lot of money and could be better spent on something you'd enjoy. Weddings are about the cementing of a relationship and not a burden for others unless its something you would absolutely love.

I suppose it depends really. I was never close close (if you know what I mean) to my brother, although there was no animosity at all. And my husband was the same with his brother. I honestly wouldn't have expected either of them to be regular visitors. Grandparents, yes, but not brothers particularly. And at the risk of sounding sexist, I think perhaps sisters might be more inclined to want to see a baby/toddler. Maybe it would be different if the brothers also had young children so the counsins could play together, but just like the OP's BIL, they didn't have kids.

3 months in 18 months when that includes the child being born and live 15 minutes away is pretty crap. I mean surely the point about families and trying to maintain relationships is that you do things you might not always want to or aren’t that interested in. Or is it only the OP that’s expected to do that?

I'm wondering @SunnyEgg123 , whether you even invited DH's sibling to your wedding? Not being included in the 12 people, may go some way to explaining why they are not close to you and why DH's parents didn't attend your wedding.

Do you have any siblings, OP?

I love a wedding

Yes Alternatives!

You realise that everyone has to make these kind of decisions to attend weddings @SunnyEgg123 . You do have to put yourself out for other people sometimes. It is a bit hypocritical to not bother with the people you would like to bother more with you.

A big family wedding for a sibling is not really one you can back out of, but it might be worth checking whether the couple or DH's parents would contribute to the costs of you attending. If DH wants to go, you would be so unreasonable to put obstacles in his way. He presumably earns enough that he can spend £1k on an important, rare family event.

I know the train was laughed at earlier but if your husband did decide to go alone, the Caledonian sleeper a fair chunk of the way there as a seated passenger is one of the cheapest ways to do it. London to Glasgow for example is £59 and you don't need to use as many days annual leave.

Not the comfiest option and not if there are three of you but for a single person it would be okay and it reduces the nights required in hotels. Obviously you still have to get to the ferry but you are arriving first thing. Being a foot passenger is much cheaper than taking a car and a relative might be able to collect him on the island if others are driving.

If you don't want to say which island, can you tell us the destination for the ferry? Oban, mallaig, ullapool, scrabster??

No, I was answering a question about where the guests lived and saying lots of people did travel very long distances to our wedding. That was decades ago though when people took it for granted that a wedding would be in the bride's childhood home and a 'destination wedding' was unheard of. I have travelled to other countries for weddings when the bride is from that country.

I'm just surprised that so many people on this thread are so critical of the BIL and his fiancée for having a wedding on a Scottish island when all we are hearing is the viewpoint of the OP who clearly doesn't like them. Maybe @SunnyEgg123 could confirm if the wedding is in the bride's childhood home or if the bride and groom have just taken a notion to get married somewhere 'remote' (surely in that case you'd choose somewhere warm rather than somewhere in Scotland). Because that does make a difference to how selfish they are being.

this! I am currently abroad (11 hours flight away) from London at my siblings wedding with a 16 month old!!! Arrived a few days earlier got the energy out/got her settled with time difference and the onslaught of attention and am now enjoying the festivities of a wedding…
i don’t see my sister everyday - we only lived together briefly until we both went away to school. And then on to university and then travelled a bit for work. She has no children yet so I don’t expect a fuss (she has set up a playroom in her house for her only niece) and ensured the wedding venue has some baby things (the gardens have outdoor climbing frame) and a swimming pool) dining areas kid friendly
not all families are close none the less you are family so don’t be that person.. I wouldn’t cut of my nose to spite my face you never know how things could pan out in the future. It should be your husbands call if he attends or not.

I enjoy going camping but it's the last thing I'd want to combine with getting dressed up for a formal wedding.

I don't imagine camping in Scotland in summer is on most people's bucket lists.

Midges are a nightmare.
If the OP doesn't own any camping equipment then that will be a big expense.
I imagine if it was camping or don't go I would rather stay home and so would most people.

Read the OP's updates. There aren't any premier Inns/cheap accommodation on the remote Scottish island. The cost of fuel for a 1000 mile round trip and taking the car on the ferry will easily be a three figure sum alone.

Now you've said it's on a Scottish island I've changed my mind, what an absolute ballache. You're not being unreasonable and I imagine other invitees will think the same and won't attend.

Your husband at least should definitely go , where did you get £1000 wouldn’t cost anywhere near that, premier inn, or travel lodge, even a B&B
Using a birthday is ridiculous and no excuse for not attending a wedding never heard such nonsense…Be lovely put on a pretty dress and just go and enjoy yourself .

Ditto for your wedding.