AIBU to expect DH to do screen-free mornings with toddler?

Dh would have got very short shrift from me if he tried telling me what to do with my time with dd. You're both equally parents and as long as he's not doing anything harmful you need to let him find his own way.

(tips for how to explain this to him would be helpful; I've tried showing him articles and he queries whether anyone has scientific evidence for my claim). @Waheymum

Do I understand this correctly that he won't take YOUR word for how tiring pregnancy is, he needs scientific evidence?
If that's the case, I would be questioning the relationship.
You should be able to say "hey this pregnancy is exhausting, can you do xyz" without needing to back it up with scientific papers.

He worked late, is working the weekend, he got up early and he deals with her a bit differently than you do.

You're micromanaging him when he's really putting himself out here.

I think you're overstimulating your kid at 5 AM. Fun, educational activities starting then, you are making the rod for your own back and it's unreasonable to expect a working parent trying to get ready for work to do that while getting ready for work.

It's Sesame Street. Chill.

Sorry op but you’re probably both exhausted- you even said he worked last night and is on over the weekend- he can’t get up extra early after that to shower etc then be bright and bushy tailed for a toddler! Yes he should do some screen free time but I would have had peppa pig on by a certain time myself because it’s all so exhausting!!! You both have it difficult!!

I don't know how I'm going to manage to continue fun, educational activities from 5am with DD1 when I have a (breastfed) newborn who will need me.

You are not going to be able to. TV time will be with you and then DH will have to be interacting with DD1.

Toilet/shower you’re both going to have to take turns with DD1 to accomplish this. We switched to evening showers for everyone to make the mornings easier.

He should be giving you more chances to rest. It is tough being pregnant and with a toddler. I remember it well.

I call screen time on ipads and phones nothing wrong with programs like sesame Street on TV.

I just read an interesting summary that suggested various ways to simulate pregnancy... Some of the take aways were to consider wearing a weighted jacket to the average weight of a pregnancy (it didn't mention it but here's where I think you should probably figure out how much extra you weigh and calculate that percentage as a proportion of his bodyweight?!), get him to wear that and a "snug band" (to limit lung capacity like the growing uterus does) and get him to do lots of cardio to raise heart rate because pregnant mums have to live with that all the time regardless of exercise (you can't really mimic the amount of extra blood you need to pump) and also to get him out of breath because apparently in the third trimester there a a 50% increase in air inhaled and exhaled compared to non pregnant women. Worth a shot?

I think some screen time is fine but I think it’s a bit rubbish for the parent who is NOT growing a human inside them to use it all up.

And this is really shitty re disputing that growing another human, particularly at the end of pregnancy, is exhausting. How can he possibly imagine it wouldn’t be? (Probably because not in his selfish interests to believe it)

I’m sorry, but good luck permanently entertaining a toddler without screens when the baby is here. Speaking as a mum of a toddler and a 6 month old.

Getting up at 5am to read books, sing songs, play with toys and sticker books is a bit much. It’s just not possible to play with toddlers and do educational activities all day every day and certainly not starting at 5am.
A bit of telly is not going to harm her. My children are grown up in their 20s and i didn’t restrict screens, ok iPads and phones didn’t exist but they watched plenty of tv and had other gadgets as the became available and they all grew into intelligent, well rounded adults all at university and interested in socialising and sports.

Well first up you both need to stop letting your toddler get up at 5am!!!
Its not morning. 6am at the earliest - if she wakes at 5am you need to say to her it's still night time, it's not time to get up yet. Try getting a gro clock and point out that Mrs sunshine isn't up yet so she needs to snuggle down in bed and rest quietly.
Second up you have to accept you can't always impose ultra high parenting standards on everyone. When you have a new baby I can guarantee you there are going to be some times you just bung on the TV for your toddler to buy you some peace and quiet, and you can't insist your husband never does that.

We dont do screentime in the morning, but If my kid was waking at 5am, they're getting screen time, no doubt about it!

He is "querying" how tired you are at 8 months pregnant? Is he a fucking moron or just a selfish prick? Ask him that. Ask him is he thick or just a cunt

OP you need to massively adjust your expectations.
When does your toddler nap etc first id try and change the 5am wake up. Playing toys and singing songs will only reinforce the early wake up.
Screens are not all the same, he's not shoving an ipad under her nose and leaving her for hours.

He's letting her watch Sesame Street not Coronation Street.

Activities at 5am is giving the wrong message . It is not daytime or playtime yet . It is sleep time or quiet time .
Lastly you are not the boss of him.

Don't feel too bad like everyone is slagging you off . It is a confusing time and a physically difficult time . Team up with your DH instead of pulling against . You will need to rely on other people that might not do everything the way you think it should be done . It might not be your way but not necessarily the wrong way .
💐

Fuck me, singing songs at 5am. More fool you. Put your child back to sleep and go back to bed. Sheesh

In a similar position with DD3, DS6 months is breastfed and we co sleep so DH gets up with 3 year old every morning. He does give her the tablet for a while. Im not thrilled about it but I can’t exactly dictate his parenting when I’m not there, accept that it’s not actually a massive deal in the grand scheme of things and that toddlers don’t need constant entertaining from the second they wake up.

also, when you have your second you will need to unclench a bit. I’ve learned this recently. I do see where you’re coming from but you need to pick your battles.

There are screens and screens. Phones and iPads are totally unnecessary and harmful but Sesame Street is fine.

Why are you doing “educational activities” at 5am? Jeez if ever there was a need for quiet tv watching it’s at that godforsaken time.

I was more like your DH. Children don’t need constant parental entertainment. They need to know that they’re safe and loved, but parents need to crack on with stuff too.

YABU

5am?! Am I heck doing fun educational activities with either of my kids at 5am. If they are up and really won’t go back to sleep then you bet I’m sticking on the TV and snoozing on the sofa. I’d relax about it or you will be utterly burned and exhausted with a newborn trying to do educational activities at 5am. 7am is when ‘proper parenting’ starts here. Anything before that is whatever goes to get through!

I think you are somewhat unrealistic and verging on insane. One, why are you allowing a child up at 5am? Two, why do they then need educational activities at this time and Three, why is your husband not allowed to parent his own child? Is this stressful weekend regime going to continue when the little one arrives?

I think my issue would be the fact a grown man doesn’t believe being heavily pregnant could be exhausting. He sounds like a moron

Why are you making things so much harder for yourself?! And trying to dictate what your husband does with his child?

You're pregnant and tired. He's working and tired.

Its ok now to have a bit of downtime every now and then, especially early morning

I have 2 with 18 months between them.

Early morning was not "fun and educational activities" it was snuggled on the settee with Disney channel on tv whilst I breastfed a newborn. The rest of the day was fun activities for the toddler...lots of toddler group, messy play, singing library time and fresh air with baby in a sling but tv also had its purpose at times.

You sound very rigid and uptight. Your kid is absolutely fine to watch Sesame Street for a bit. It’s not going to have a detrimental effect on her development and, with the best will in the world, even a toddler doesn’t necessarily want to be singing songs and playing games and doing activities during every waking hour. A bit of down time with a pleasant (and educational!) TV programme is probably really nice for her.

Also, when you said you explained to your husband what you’d been doing so he could ‘follow your lead’ I really cringed. He’s the child’s other parent, not your apprentice. He doesn’t need training.

At 5 am I would either go into toddlers room to sleep, or expect DH to do so.

A mattress on the floor, telling toddler very firmly it is still night time, keep them in the room until 7am while you lie there with your eyes shut.
If they really won't stay in bed, they can play with toys or books (make sure no noisy toys are kept in the room), but you still lie there with your eyes shut.
I assume their room is totally childproof and they can't open the door (fit a small slide bolt way up high if necessary).

Teach him to recognise the number 7 on the clock. Bedtime lasts until 7.
You need to train them not to get up so early.

As a mum of two, there is no way you'll be doing educational activities with a toddler at 5am when you've been up all night with a newborn. Why are you making it hard for yourself? Put Sesame Street on and have a snooze.