AIBU to expect DH to do screen-free mornings with toddler?

I think once baby #2 is here, op, you’re going to embark on a very steep learning curve which will teach you the futility of trying to be dogmatic about raising children!

Haven't rtft but mine were early risers.

We got DS a Gro Clock so he had a visual to tell when it was 'properly' morning.

We toddler proofed his room and put a stair gate on it so he couldnt come in to us.

Bit of TV doesn't hurt.

And I also agree to not entertaining your child at 5am. I was quite pfb and still wouldn’t do it. It is so unsustainable, especially with two.

I’ve been in your position and when I look back I realise I was being utterly purist for no reason. Thankfully I copped on to myself before I drove DH totally mad. DS had never watched tv until he was 2.5 and I was exhausted.

I’ve had to learn to relax and compromise with DH, as well as bringing him on board. So instead of a blanket ‘no screens’ I’d suggest he watch something with DS, even if just the first ten mins before popping off to do something. And encouraging fun stuff that’s isn’t screens, but no overdoing it.

When they get older, bringing them on the journey works. DH was ok with You Tube, I wasn’t so I let DS watch a bit and would then show DH a Mr Beast video or something equally crap and ask DH what he thought/should we block the channel. I had to compromise on a couple, but after a short while DH agreed that You Tube was toxic and unnecessary.

But kids need downtime too, especially in this hectic world, and even programs that aren’t strictly educational can spark interesting conversations.

Is the issue that she’s watching TV, or that he’s using it to get downtime, which you can’t then have unless you give more tv? If it’s that, agree who will have the ‘tv time’ session in advance.

I don’t agree you need to be entertaining your child at 5 am in the morning , they need to go back to sleep . It’s a habit that won’t break if you are going to do it constantly. No one is Mary Poppins in real life . And you don’t need to micromanage your husband..

Sums it up brilliantly. YABVU.

ETA - I’m not young, as in my early tv viewing childhood was before Sesame Street was even released. However, we were ‘lucky’ in that we had a tv, was black/white obviously, but many didn’t. Anyway, I remember that’s how mum got her essential morning cleaning/activities done. We were made to sit on the lounge, tv turned on, meant to be child friendly program but boring, nothing like Sesame Street, we couldn’t move until mum finished what she needed to do. We all did well at school, went to uni and got good jobs. That compulsory morning tv didn’t hurt anyone. We did the same with our kids, and likewise they have done well in life despite the morning tv. So, you are being ridiculous.

Umm no; you dont jump up at 5 am you say go back to bed and if not then sesame street on quietly is fine
No toddler needs didactic entertainment at 5cam

Oh @Waheymum these are exactly the circumstances where screen time is the right choice. He's right. You're wrong.

Pop something nice and calming on the iPad and send her back to bed at 5am. Then you can do songs and stories while DH has his shower etc and then he can take over.

There is no value in being a martyr.

Wait what- your husband is telling you that being heavily pregnant is not exhausting ?!!
This is outrageous !

i actually found that when baby arrived things were easier because I wasn’t pregnant any more. I would sit breastfeeding baby on the sofa and the other children would cuddle and snuggle in either side of me. (I have 3 boys) We had quiet time, or chats, or I just put on a movie or cartoons for us all. I did a lot of babywearing as I didn’t have any husband or family help. Baby gets comfort and contact with you, but you have your hands free for looking after the others.
good luck !

Honestly, you sound hard work.
When my kids woke up at 5am, Peppa pig on the iPad gave me another hour in bed and saved me from being a grumpy ogre for the rest of the day. Oldest is now 14 and he’s managed to grow up an intelligent, articulate and well adjusted boy so I don’t think it did any harm.

I had a 5am waker.
I used to plonk him on the floor and tell him to play quietly while I tried to doze on the sofa. Sometimes he even did.
You don't have to be doing "improving" activities constantly. It will actually be impossible when you have to look after a baby as well.

You've all been up since 5am, you're pregnant, ill & fasting while he's worked later last night and will be working again over the weekend. If there's ever a time for sesame Street, this is it!

Really, half an hour of TV while he drinks a coffee and has a shower won't harm her, and if it gives you both enough slack that you don't get burnt out, could be the best option.

Out of curiosity how old are your kids?

Gosh there's a lot of parents on here that give their kids screen time it seems. I completely understand you on this one, people have repeatedly said the TV does no harm but many studies have shown that it DOES. Babies and toddlers should have no screen time at all but that's for you and Dad to decide and you need to be on the same page in that regard.

But you do need to teach your toddler that they can't get up at 5am. They need to go back to sleep or play quietly until 7am. If they know they're getting TV time at 5am then they're going to forever wake up at 5am expecting it...

My one parenting rule has been that anything before 6.30am earliest is night time, and we are in bed lying down.
Don't make life hard for yourself.

Here what seems reasonable:

• asking your DH to get up earlier so that he is ready to take over childcare when you need a break, not sod off to the shower etc at that time
• discussing with him and agreeing that you both want your child to have X amount of screen time but then making clear that he doesn’t just get to use it all! had this very same discussion with my husband - it’s not fair if you agree the little one should have eg half an hour a day but he then uses all of that so you can’t put any on. (I understand many aren’t strict about time but many are esp when children are very small.)

Here’s what you can’t do - unilaterally decide something about parenting your child if your husband doesn’t agree to it.

My solution to this would be first to suggest audiobooks, a cardboard box and a crayon (to listen to and to sit in and scribble).

And then if you really want to change his parenting then you're going to have to whisper near his phone things that will change his algorithm to show him parenting tips.

This. Honestly you need to adjust your expectations. I would be providing no activities or entertainment at 5am. This is sleeping time..not playtime. All this will be so unsustainable with a newborn. You need to find an agreement on how all this will work. Cbeebies is great for when u need some tv.

Eek maybe I’m a terrible mom but when I’m up with my toddler early (partner and I alternate between the toddler and baby), I LOVE snuggling up on the sofa with him and watching CBeebies! We chatter about the shows and typically find the same bits funny 😂 sorry OP but absolutely no way would I be singing and sticker-booking with him first thing in the morning, all that waits until after breakfast!

I think you need to relax a little with the ‘perfect parenting’

educational activities at 5am is just bizarre (sorry)

sometimes you just have to make life easier for yourself, those times are days like today when you are heavily pregnant & don’t have the energy & when hubby also is tired from working.

have you had your parents take your daughter because he won’t parent your way or you don’t trust him too? Thats massively controlling & is a huge issue, esp given you are having another child with a man you don’t trust.

relax, not everything needs to be perfect & teaching child to keep self happy in bed for an hr or two would be more helpful than educational activities at 5am

Oh OP, I feel for you - I was the same with my babies. Very strict on no screen time, especially first thing in the morning, no sugar, endless books, wooden toys, the whole thing! And actually I do reject the idea it is impossible with two, as I did it (17 months apart).

But what I did have to realise was that I could have all those high intensity goals, and I could curate this lovely wholesome day structure - but what I couldn't do was impose that same level of expectation on someone else. Because it is very intense and it is not really necessary. I'm not saying give it up, I was very stubborn about it myself! But anyone else who looks after your child, even your husband, may not have the same parenting goals

Who appointed you as the arbiter of what your child can and cannot do. Is your H not an equal parent with an equal right to decide how to care for his child? Why does he need to follow the standards and the approach that you have determined rather than doing what feels right to him?

Have you both agreed your toddler should be screen free? If so, YANBU. My husband and I agreed no screen time and I'd be annoyed if he therefore did it, as would he with me.

I wouldn’t have been singing songs and crafting at 5am either and would absolutely resort to the tv at that time.

screen free activities in the house are difficult enough with toddlers. Because it’s either role play, baking, crafting, singing and who the fuck wants to do that first thing!? (Or at any time really but that’s besides the point)

Genuine question, how do people that have constant activities for their children not run out of ideas?! I think screen time is good for some ‘downtime’
I hear all the time that kids that don’t have screen time have lots of other activities to occupy them, do people really do that for 12ish hours?
A sticker book or educational activities when they’ve first woken up (at 5am) seems way too much.