AIBU to expect DH to do screen-free mornings with toddler?

It's great that you are wary of screens, but I think there is a difference bewteen hand held and TV screens.

Educational TV designed for children is amazing. If you actively watch together, pointing out new words, singing songs, predicting, critiqueing, it's great to do. I loved watching cbeebies with my kids and singing and dancing along.

Maybe adjust your expectations a little to include some screen time.

Please continue to avoid the hand held stuff: work of the devil and will reduce your child's intellect, permanently.

It’s really not as easy as ‘just make them go back to sleep’ at 5am for some kids. That’s like the people who say ‘just make them eat what you eat and if they don’t want it they’ll have it later when hungry’. That’s great if you don’t have a child who would just starve themselves.

i was very pregnant with my 2 year old and they used to come into my bed and watch Charlie and Lola and Hey Duggie when they were up very early.

Im sorry you’re having a rough time. My kids have always been early risers too - though it’s taken a massive shift this year as my daughter is a teenager! I think you sound exhausted, as does he. It will be exhausting for a while yet so I agree with most here to suggest you try to give both of you some grace here. You can’t possibly be fun and educational for 12 hours ever - certainly not while hugely pregnant or working late or with a newborn in the house. I remember that time well. I had lots of feelings about screen time until about your time and then I just focussed on choosing screen time that worked for me. There’s plenty of lovely, calm and educational television out there - octonauts comes to mind but there’s lots. And you’ll need some peace when you can find it.

Your husband should understand growing a person is hard work, but it sounds like he’s working hard too and you don’t sound particularly kind about it. You have to be a team. And find ways to work on this early morning wake up - keep things super boring and quiet until 7, maybe stop naps, look at bedtime, etc.

This. It’s like takeaway- sure it’s ok sometimes but if it’s daddy’s go to when he has to cook then he is loading all the responsibility for healthy meals onto the mums because he only keeps his child alive while it’s mums job to keep them healthy and nurture their development. But we don’t know if the ops dh falls in this basket, although the not understanding how tiring pregnancy is makes me want to chop him up with a rusty spoon.

Some children just don't sleep later despite all your efforts though. We considered we'd turned a corner when DS slept to 5.30am, and another when he was old enough to amuse himself without an adult
He didn't start waking later until he was 12 and hormones kicked in.

But I agree they don't get "rewarded" for waking early.

But if OP has a child like mine, then she has years of this to come and needs to be adopting management techniques.

Nah. A cheerful sing along and craft session before dawn is the work of the devil whatever sex you are.

Screen time is the devil - unless it's a poor wee dad that needs to make use of it. Mumsnet eh.

I love that you’re aiming for reduced screen time - but to spend all morning doing screen-free activities and then want more - you need to be a little more realistic if he’s working late and about to go to work.
as long as it’s not his constant go to - plus Sesame Street is quite educational - it’s not like you DC is on that vile YT app!

The thing I hate about fathers chucking their kids on screens is that it means it's a tool less available to mothers for a break. Mothers are the ones usually trying to manage the screen time and the ones that are judged for it. A lot of fathers take the easy option with screens, do fuck all parenting, and minimise the use mothers can make of them. So YANBU to expect him to take a more balanced approach with his OWN child.

Yes YABVU

Sticker books, singing and no tv at 5am makes you sound a little unhinged.

I was very pfb. I actually was a better mum you know 🤣 but then I had an early riser and 2 under 2. We didn't even have tv available then (cbeebies didn't used to start till 6.30 or something) so I used dvds. I used to have a pillow and blanket and tuck us up on the sofa and I would be able to snooze for a bit longer. Button Moon is really quite trippy when you're already out of your mind with tiredness.

Your DH is also really tired. He is working and getting up early too. He isn't and can't be pregnancy tired. He literally can't do that for you. You dont need him to understand the science, you just need him (and you) to know that you are both working really hard and both feel exhausted. This feels really hard because it is really hard. You need your goal to shift to surviving it as best you can and supporting each other to get through it. Not scoring points, not blaming each each other, not playing 'who has it worst'.

2 under 2 nearly killed us, and our marriage. The only way we made it through was to relax standards and pull together.

FWIW, my dc are teens now. Have never had an ipad, delayed phones and limited apps still. I'm still a bit pfb! But I do not feel bad at all about the probably hours of early morning tv we used at all. They're high achieving all rounders and lovely teens and early hours Button Moon has had no ill effects. In fact it was a tool to get us through that bit and survive.

Don't make life any harder than it already is!

I don’t know. If all the DH does when he’s in charge of the toddler is stick the TV on, then I can see why she’s annoyed. It means she can’t do the same when it’s her turn because it’ll add up to a lot of hours.

Plus if it goes on at 5am and they’re not ready to start the day until something like 8 or 9am, that’s 3-4 hours of TV. He needs to have something else in his parenting repertoire.

I think there's too much unspoken assumption happening and not enough actual communication.

You say "I explained everything we'd done thus far so he could follow my lead" but you are assuming that he took that as instructions to carry on with the same kind of thing rather than making his own decision, you are assuming he sees you as "leader/manager/in charge", and you say "he could fit his caffeine, toileting, and shower routine into the hour plus I'm looking after our child so he isn't just leaving her in the care of a screen when he 'takes over'" but have you actually had a conversation with him about the benefits of screen free time and is this a decision you made together or did you read up on it and decide solo?

What should have happened is that he has had as much opportunity to understand why it's a good idea to likit toddler screen time and agrees, and that when you get up you say out loud "are you ok to be showered and coffed by 6:30 to take over as I don't think I can last much longer than that" because you seem to be seething in resentment tharhe didn't deduce that this was your expectation when his head is fuzzy with insufficient sleep. .... OR ... that you discuss the options like grownups and agree that it's ok fir both of you to be a little kinder to yourselves and use the electronic babysitter a little more.

Top tip op and you will hate this but you need to do nothing at 5am with her or her brain will keep on thinking it's awake time. Keep it dark, keep it quiet, no screens, no toys, no stimulating activities. If she is a real nightmare, put a calm audiobook on & lie in bed (in the dark) with her. No lights at all until at least 6am. Ideally you wouldn't go into her at all for a bit.

Your biggest issue here is your toddler waking too early. I've been there, i know its the hardest nut to crack but if you keep it dark & quiet etc you will eventually get it where she doesn't wake til 6 & that extra hour is key.

Routine needs a re jig too, 5am is too early to be starting the day, shorten the nap would be my suggestion

I don’t actively parent ttil
6.30am! Before that imo isn’t time for playing they should be asleep but if they a rent then it’s a calm tv programme and some warm milk. Your dh sounds a tit for not understanding pregnancy is huge on our bodies but you also sound like abit of a martyr.

He worked late and is working all weekend. Some screen time is fine. If you want to do things differently then you do it.

Wouldn’t DH been at work?

My eldest was notoriously an early waker, all the way up until 14/15. He’s 16 now and a great kid- highly intelligent, no MH issues, well grounded etc. I definitely did not get up and do sticker books and sing songs when he was up every day at 5am. He got the TV.

You are continuing a style of parenting that will be unachievable when #2 comes along. Your husband’s slightly lazier approach might reduce the resentment #1 feels as your way might mean a harsher change in experience.

Oh there's a lot of people trying to make you feel bad for parenting your child.

Yes, toddlers wake up at 5am full of beans and are not going back to sleep. Sometimes you can settle back to sleep (as OP tried) but often they're just awake. Because they're a toddler. Sometimes the day just starts at 5am. It's 5am not 2am. Lots of people are up at this time for work, the gym, children.

Instead of giving this poor lady grief for actually parenting her child, maybe acknowledge she's doing amazingly for managing whilst 8-9 months pregnant without sticking the TV on. There are times when the electronic babysitter is vital to sanity but this isn't the first resort so you can get on with your day. Encouraging independence is great, but that isn't ever done by the TV especially with a toddler. Yes she should be reading, singing, playing. It's called parenting a toddler who is already up for the day, she's not encouraging them to wake early. They wake early because they're a toddler and their body clocks are different to that of an older child, teenager or adult.
If she can do it I'm sure her husband can, especially as it's obviously important to her.
Probably a very unpopular view.

If your toddler wakes up at 5am, ypu don't want to reward them with attention and entertainment! If they sre doing it regularly then thry need to go to bed later or sleep less in tne day.

I don’t know why you are getting a hard time, OP, about the singing and entertainment without tv. You do what is best for your family. I had such a fussy toddler at that age that tv didn’t do anything at the time, so it was more in-person entertainment which was exhausting. The idea that my DC would go back to bed and wait patiently for another hour is ludicrous. Not unless I had the best earplugs on the planet.

But of your toddler can watch tv without fuss, I can’t see the problem if this is a way to get through some hard hours. With another child on the way, you probably will need to use the tv a little bit more. I wouldn’t worry about it too much.

(Mine is now 3.5 and very different and has a few favourite tv shows now).

How old is this toddler?

I would be working on getting her to sleep later

you do not want to be up at 5am entertaining a toddler and sorting out a newborn at same time

make it boring. Singing and stickers are fun.

equally screens will get you through this time

only have a second so not addressing the main question.

i recommend movibg your fasting med to a 3am wake-up while dealing with your newborn. I kept mine right on my nightstand. It made managing the medication routine with parenting much easier to just take it in the middle of the night.

Also, I’m afraid to say no matter how tired you get growing another human, it’s as nothing, compared to how tired you will get juggling a toddler and a baby. A little screen time now and again will be your friend, believe me!