To realise I'm a "pick me girl" and to ask how to change?

This
Well said

I don't think that's really being a 'pick me' girl. It's just basic human nature, isn't it?

So. Much. This.

See also the supposed feminists who assume every poster who doesn’t agree with them on all things, especially anything related to sex and relationships, must be a man.

Absolutely this. I can’t bear grown women being called girls - stop infantilising us.

I’m 50, a professional woman with two children. I am no one’s girl

Never heard of this phrase can someone explain it

It’s pretty dull either way if this is how get your kicks.

I’m like this, but I am not trying to fix it. I think it’s perfectly fine for a red-blooded heterosexual woman in her 30s (as I am) to thrive off attention from attractive heterosexual men. Life would be pretty dull if we only sought attention from our husbands.

It’s about as useful a label as “ boomer” and “ Karen”. It’s just one more lazy ‘ let’s be vile about fellow humans’ meme.

Get off Instagram.

I personally think that anybody using derogatory misogynistic insults like "pick me girls" and all the "hand maiden " and "aunt Lydia" shit you see on the FWR board here can't actually call themselves feminists. They're just a different flavour of misogynists who think a woman only deserves respect if she agrees with them otherwise they are a "useful idiot" or "getting on their knees for the patriarchy". Disgusting language and definitely not respectful of women or feminist in any way whatsoever.

Stop getting your ‘psychology’ from Instagram, OP. I guarantee you it will massively improve your life.

Eh? Do you hate other women, struggle with female friendships, lean into the guys at the expense of forming connections with other women?

I can't really see anything "pick me" about what you wrote. Being mildly flirty/enjoying banter does not a pick me make.

Also f that phrase. It's so dumb.

The term ‘pick me girl’, like ‘cool wife’, is just more misogynist bollocks made up to make women feel shit about themselves.

You don’t need approval from women any more than you need it from men. Sounds from this like you’re jus switching your approval seeking from your male colleagues to your female ones. I think you need to stop seeking external validation full stop. Try counselling?

Why do women continue to use such derogatory language about themselves?
The very term " pick me girls" is just gross.

Yes I recognise the problem of seeking male approval. But surely the first step in addressing this is by accepting women over 18 are no longer girls but are actually adults? And perhaps by accepting they are adults it be a first step in realising they don't need approval from random men.

The longer women buy into society labelling them as children - as they do by calling themselves girls- the longer it perpetuates their treatment of them as such.

I always thought a “pick me girl” had to put other girls down to make herself seem more attractive. “I’m not like other girls” “I don’t like ballet I like football, girls are lame, boys are more fun, I love boys etc. etc.”
if you don’t do that then you’re not a pick me.
Complimenting other women, boosting other women’s confidence, admiring other women whether they’re feminine or not, not trying to be better even subtly is how you stop being a “pick me”.
it’s ok to prefer men’s company if that’s how you really feel but don’t brag about it like it’s a great quality to have as a woman. Ideally you’d be better if you could be friends with men and women but not everyone is wired the same. Just keep it to yourself and get along with the men as you do, but not at anyone else’s expense.

I suppose it's essentially about valuing yourself for who you are and your characteristics, and not for your attractiveness in the eyes of men. It must stem from some kind of deep insecurity that you need external validation from men. Maybe some counselling would help you get to bottom of it.