All men should be aware of this

"When I go out in a dress I tend to avoid men actively, and clutch my handbag a bit tighter in certain situations."

but

"actually classifying us all as threatening is a bit unreasonable"

I'm confused, Feelingthebreeze.

Yep I've taught my son's the same thing. That dosent stop certain women of accusing them wrongly of things

I agree. Which I always tell my boys to be vigilant about women who follow them and get out of the situation by allowing the women to pass. Which is exactly what the man in the OP did.

You can tell the weaker arguments and position by the hyperbole.

OP acknowledges, "it could’ve been totally benign". Confusedbydating? describes it as an "uncomfortable vibe that harms no one". Meanwhile, Laser represents the same as "accusing an innocent just because he is a man" with the potential to "ruin lives".

OP suggests men "should be aware and conscious of how their behaviour may impact". InconvenientlyMaterial offers an interesting observation about "gut instincts" and "research on the different ways women and men navigate public spaces". Yet Th30G describes it as: "men can’t go about their business now without being accused of being a predator".

OP reflects, understatedly, "It took a while to shake the feeling". Meanwhile, PPs are engaging in bizarre allusions to knives, logs and woodchippers! I mean...

There's a kind of hysteria in these reactions that is absolutely fascinating (And deeply ironic, in that this is exactly what these posters are accusing OP of. To them, our words on a chat forum are inducing a far more disproportionate response than OP's instinctive reaction, on getting a bad vibe, to change direction and "speedwalk" past someone on a woodland path).

I've seen this strength of feeling before in contexts like this - this determination to reframe regrettable truths about physical difference as a perverse kind of sexism (an attack on men / a misrepresentation of women as weak). But I've rarely seen it expressed to such an extreme degree we're seeing here. It really does show how complex and difficult to address sexism is. Women are the only oppressed group bound to - who love - their "oppressor"*, and it creates such a difficult, distressing dynamic in conversations about it. Absolutely bloody fascinating.

*To attempt to preempt the inevitable accusations... you'll only prove my point if you home in on this term. It's entirely apt in the context of our having had the vote for less than 100 years, freedom from marital rape for about 30, and still being injured 70% more in car accidents because the design ignores our physical differences. (And that's before we even get into other countries. We see it most clearly in Afghanistan - dynamics which would be seen as slavery or apartheid in any other demographic - the kind of dynamics a war was fought to end in the US and global campaigns changed in South Africa - are in the large part quietly ignored by our leaders and media: man and wife, innit?)

No one is calling our sons predators!

I have two adult sons, both of whom are sensible enough to know that women feel vulnerable when walking somewhere quiet with a lone man and to act accordingly. They were taught this by their dad.

I have - many times my little dumpling 💛 I think we just interpret things very differently.
lets jsut agree to disagree now

Reread the OP- sweetie!

You are so fixated on this bloody rucksack. Sweetie, its not about the bloody rucksack. Its not even really about this bloody man. Youre just dismissing her testimony and fixating on his rights. In a discussion about feminism. Do you identify as a feminist? Do you have daughters? Please fgs if a woman discloses something in real life just say ‘I love you and I believe you. How can I help you?’

it’s not hard

Always, always follow your instinct.

Men being told they can’t look in rucksacks is not going to help that in any way at all.

Yes it's true that women are more likely to be hurt by a known male. But it's really important to understand the logic of this statistic. It's a fact that gets used against women as a reason why they ought to let their guard down or for why single sex spaces aren't important for safety.

The men that know you are the ones who have the easiest access to you: by sharing your home or a different space; by having a relationship with you (personal or professional); by knowing your routines. A wholesale relaxation of safeguarding against unknown men would simply even out that statistic by giving abusive males easier access to vulnerable women they don't already know.

Men who go on to hurt strangers - through rape, murder, terrorism - tend to have committed domestic violence in the past. Unfortunately DV is historically dismissed as a less important crime, so many opportunities to stop the progression of male pattern violence are missed.

Absolutely women deserve to live free of fear. For those who have already experienced violence from men the threat they feel isn't hypothetical or within conscious awareness. Traumatic reactions keep one living in the past to some extent. Dismissal of concerns and social pressure doesn't change these women's reality. Psychotherapy and EMDR can. But they're bloody expensive. Perhaps some of the posters here would like to start a support fund?

So people can’t look in rucksacks- okaaay.You can not like it but you can’t demand others don’t do it. That is what is crazy.

She was following him and he looked in his rucksack. Word of advice if you find people looking in rucksacks traumatic -don’t follow them.

So she’s crazy for asking other human beings who are capable of it to be considerate of her needs as another human who has to share the planet?

give over. Entitled maybe but not crazy

She got called crazy by saying all men have to behave in a certain way to make women feel better and looking in a rucksack when being followed needs to be banned and is worthy of being berated and accused of creepy behaviour.

He made her feel uncomfortable. That’s all she said. How is this going to ruin his life??

some things are facts. On your logic we no longer need seperate sexes in sports then, because hey men and women are equal. Well guess what if we did that? There would be no women in sports. Because we’re not equal.

i know that children are more vulnerable and adapt my behaviour. It’s not anti child or detrimental to them. I can do the same for women without being sexist

And the man in question in the op did what exactly?

I’ll tell you what sexism is. It’s telling all women they’re all the fairer weaker sex and they can’t go anywhere without being handled in a certain way by men, that they can’t protect or look out for themselves and are reliant on men making decisions.

Then there is all the men are predators and up to no good by default bullshit.

Yeah it’s sexism alright.

Op didn’t make any false accusations, she accused a man of making her feel uncomfortable.
and got called crazy.

And accusing an innocent man is also sexism. Accusing him just because he is a man and in the wrong place at the wrong time and comes across a women with Spidey senses that are false, like in thecOP. Of course I have all my sympathy for people who are actually raped. But accusing an innocent just because he is a man is also sexism. Just the other way around

You need me to explain what’s happening here?
sexism, it is pure and simple sexism. It’s also what happens when a woman discloses abuse: everything from her actions to her mental health is ripped apart. She’s told to shut up because it could ruin his life. She’s accused of hating men. People say they believe and support women. But even an uncomfortable vibe that harms no one isn’t believed.

This is why victims don’t speak up, recant when they do.

false accusations do not ruin lives. My rapist was publicly accused. Guess what happened? This. He was defended and I was labelled as the crazy one. Despite the overwhelming evidence and my innocence and rights.

it is called sexism and misogyny my dear. One thing you will learn when you are a victim of male violence is that there are only a few real feminists out there. I’d rather believe a liar than protect a rapist. But unfortunately most people would rather the latter.

its just pure and utter sexism

Actually I think it's more about encouraging women to lead full lives that aren't controlled by unnecessary suspicion and paranoid fear.

If you asked for a headcount of how many women on this site have been assaulted or abused, I'd bet everything I own that the majority will have been by someone they know.

Yeah, but all means, be aware of your surroundings and possible dangers, but writing a thread on some guy getting something out of his backpack in broad daylight? Honestly. What do you think it was? A woodchipper to feed her body through?

I assume he was pretending to get something out of his bag to let the op pass him as she was behaving so strangely.

A few people on this thread a centimetre away for blaming him for having long hair as a predatory tactic to throw women off balance.

This site is so odd sometimes.

People who are neurodivergent can be massively disadvantaged in our society. They can also be predators. I say that as a neurodivergent parent to neurodivergent kids who also works with neurodivergent people. Not all men are predators. Some are. Dangerous men don't wear a label so the point is women usually don't know, until too late.

Of course not all safe men will have the capacity to understand the request that they consider how they impact women in the world. But many do, including some who are neurodivergent . It's a reasonable request. Like asking someone to consider the environment, their neighbours, or behaving a certain way in a religious place.

Women ought to listen to their gut instincts in situations but of course they can rationalise with conscious thought too. The degree to which that rationalisation is successful is likely dependant on the amount of prior trauma a woman has experienced at the hands of men.

There is also social pressure to rationalise oneself into overriding gut feelings eg the strong social pressure to believe a transwoman has a different inherent threat to a man.

Gut instincts are interoception: Signals from your internal organs that send messages to your brain more quickly than your brain's ability to have conscious thought about what you are seeing/ hearing. There's loads of research on this. Also on what trauma does to the brain and traumatic reactions. There is also research on the different ways women and men navigate public spaces.

When these men are being accused of being a predator when they are totally innocent yes I will think of the men lots of us have sons. How you would you feel if your son was being accused of being a predator when he was complete innocent? I've had enough of hearing about innocent men being accused just because a women has Spidey senses. It ruins lives.