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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

All men should be aware of this

914 replies

mildlysweaty · 20/03/2026 21:08

I went for a walk in the sunshine around the back of my child’s school before pickup today. Usually the odd dog walker passes by but it’s pretty remote/foresty. I do this walk often but never go fully into the woods bit alone - because I’m female.

I was walking towards the woods and a person with long hair was walking my way - wrongly assumed it was a woman but when I passed them I realised it was a man in his 30s. I’ve passed plenty of men before walking their dogs, generally they give a nod and carry on. I started to feel a bit uneasy so rather than continue in that direction, I stopped a little further then turned around and started walking back (same way bloke was going).

I was a few feet behind him when he looked back over his shoulder back at me, then he stopped (with his back to me) and started opening his backpack. I felt bad vibes, there was no one else around. I managed to speed walk past him and pretended to phone my husband and had my car key ready to use if needed but all was okay in the end, I then passed some women walking.

In all honesty it could’ve been totally benign but any decent man should know that this sort of behaviour is intimidating for a woman, who’s alone, especially with nobody else around.

To get to my point: ALL men should understand how women need to be programmed to be wary of them, and how they can help is by ensuring they aren’t doing anything that could feel intimidating. They don’t know what it’s like to be a woman, but any decent man should be aware and conscious of how their behaviour may impact. I have reminded my husband of this today. It took a while to shake the feeling from this afternoon.

if voting I guess YABU = men don’t need to know this
YANBU = yes they do need to know this, it’s a way they can help

OP posts:
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ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 20/03/2026 22:11

Maybe he was going in his backpack to get out his phone because he wanted to call his husband to say, "There is a creepy woman who walked past me in the woods, and then changed direction to follow me and is now staring at me."

He has done nothing wrong, but it sounds like you have some issues that you should talk to someone about. And also, stop following men around the woods.

oviraptor21 · 20/03/2026 22:10

I'm with you OP.
For your safety you had no choice but to turn back towards the populated area.
You kept your distance behind the man. If he'd had an ounce of awareness, when he turned round and saw you behind him, he would have kept on going to maintain the distance.
Boys need to be taught this in schools.

rainbowunicorn · 20/03/2026 22:09

Moveoverdarlin · 20/03/2026 22:00

I think he stopped and fiddled with his back back to show he wasn’t following you. I think he was trying to do exactly what you wanted. He stopped so he was no longer following you and then you turned and over took him.

There was never a point wherever man was following her. He walked past her going in the opposite direction. OP the decided to turn around and follow him. Then she came on here whinging because he stopped to get something from his back pack.

greyweek · 20/03/2026 22:09

I think the way you’ve written your post is a bit confusing and that’s why you are getting sarcy responses.
This has been discussed many times before on here but of course not many men come here to read what women think. Many posters will tell you their dh/ds will cross the road consciously as to not intimidate the females… Many men in real life-don't. But they are just dog walking and nodding and it’s fine…

I was out for a run today. A bloke came out of the woods/trees in a park next to the road where I was and startled me. He didn’t follow me - he actually crossed the road! Then a few mins later a short man in painter trousers appeared opposite me. He was taking up all the pavement, staring at me… I had to go on the grass, as far from him as possible, and sped as much as I could.

Pricks will be pricks - they are ‘aware’ of intimidating you and they don’t mind. I think a lot of it is due to testosterone and the need to prove themselves as important, and small brains have no chance to keep that under control.

ohyesido · 20/03/2026 22:08

What did he do wrong except be male? You were the one changed direction

LittleMyLabyrinth · 20/03/2026 22:07

I understand your feelings. I've felt the same. It is sad that we have to be aware of these things as women, and men do need more understanding of this. Not sure this was a good example though. My first thought was that he stopped right away in order to put you at ease, i.e. let you get past and ahead of him without having to speed up or walk parallel. I don't think he did anything wrong.

Happyjoe · 20/03/2026 22:06

abracadabra1980 · 20/03/2026 22:01

I am 100% with you on this. I walk around the fields and local bridles a lot with my two dogs and if I see a man who is not walking a dog or with a bike or clear hiking gear, I feel wary. I have a very large dog at the moment and feel safe enough to go anywhere but when I had smaller breeds I would avoid wooded areas and bridleways. I sometimes promise myself I shall have a large breed for ever as I love the dewing of protection she gives me-it's awesome, but physically I find it challenging now I'm getting on a bit.

My mum had a streaker approach her in the woods years back, and our German Shep cross snarled at him until he turned away and ran, the dog had never snarled before or since. Dogs are amazing.

Moonmelodies · 20/03/2026 22:04

A man is at a far greater risk of violent crime so maybe he was reaching for his pepper spray or something. People walking near them ought to be aware of this.

Catza · 20/03/2026 22:04

Angelicake · 20/03/2026 21:27

I know exactly what you mean OP. It's hard to explain though. Whenever my brothers or dh are walking at night and see a woman alone they will cross to the opposite side of the road to avoid walking behind or towards her. I thought this was fairly commonly known by most men.

Except that it was OP who decided to turn around and follow him. If imagine there is nowhere to cross on a woodland path and if he just stopped dead when first encountering OP so as not to walk past her, shed find it similarly terrifying. From where I am standing, he didn't have any choice but to stop and pretend he needed something from his bag to let the OP pass him. I'd do the same if someone turned around to follow me - man or woman.

TooManyAnimals94 · 20/03/2026 22:03

Maybe my opinion is biased by growing up rural and feeling far more comfortable in the woods on my own than a crowded city but I genuinely do not understand the risk assessment that goes on in some people's heads.

How likely is it that the suburban woods are going to be teaming with axe murderers on a sunny afternoon???

stichguru · 20/03/2026 22:01

So men aren't allowed to get anything - a snack, medication, a drink, a map out of their backpack when they need it, because a woman might feel uncomfortable? Yeah, no no one has to prioritise you feeling safe over their own basic needs.

abracadabra1980 · 20/03/2026 22:01

I am 100% with you on this. I walk around the fields and local bridles a lot with my two dogs and if I see a man who is not walking a dog or with a bike or clear hiking gear, I feel wary. I have a very large dog at the moment and feel safe enough to go anywhere but when I had smaller breeds I would avoid wooded areas and bridleways. I sometimes promise myself I shall have a large breed for ever as I love the dewing of protection she gives me-it's awesome, but physically I find it challenging now I'm getting on a bit.

2026Y · 20/03/2026 22:00

I’m sure there are genuine cases where men have acted thoughtlessly and unintentionally intimidated a woman but this ain’t it as far as I can see. You followed him and seem perturbed that he had the audacity to get something out of his bag in your presence.

Moveoverdarlin · 20/03/2026 22:00

I think he stopped and fiddled with his back back to show he wasn’t following you. I think he was trying to do exactly what you wanted. He stopped so he was no longer following you and then you turned and over took him.

newmenewwhatever · 20/03/2026 21:59

@mildlysweaty I have read the post!
you started following him and he stopped to get something out of his bag ?!?!

Fends · 20/03/2026 21:59

I also agree in principle that men should be aware of the wider issues women face because of male violence. Therefore I’ve voted YANBU even though you are slightly here

However, this particular example is not a good one. You turned to follow him and he’s not allowed to stop?

Weegielassie · 20/03/2026 21:58

Christ on a bike… seems men can’t walk anywhere now without raising suspicion. If I was wary of someone I certainly wouldn’t turn and follow them.

Notabarbie · 20/03/2026 21:58

People struggle to act normally when they're trying to look normal. Yes, men should cross to the other side of the road on a dark night and not walk up quietly behind a woman but I can't think how he was supposed to know that opening his back pack would be a problem. What if he was looking behind him to check he wasn't holding anyone up before taking a drink? Was he supposed to stride forward robotically for the rest of the walk lest someone imagine there was something more sinister in his backpack? I'm sure if that happened the next thing would be another person saying he was striding too stridently or something. Not to make light of the very real problem and fear at the heart of this but no, this is not the way forward.

JLou08 · 20/03/2026 21:57

A man can't look back at a woman who changed direction to follow him? Seems like a natural response to me.
A man can't get a drink out of his back in case some extremely anxious woman who has decided to follow him finds it dodgy.
This post is bonkers.

Parky04 · 20/03/2026 21:57

mildlysweaty · 20/03/2026 21:33

Yes this is what I mean - I tell my husband when he’s out for a run etc, if a girl or woman is alone (we are rural) to give a wide enough berth and just keep going as some (clearly not all lol) might feel intimidated

You turned around and started following him! You're the weirdo!

Happyjoe · 20/03/2026 21:56

DeftWasp · 20/03/2026 21:36

Why would he just not say "good morning" "good evening" or some such with a smile and carry on, that's what I do, not only is it friendly, it also breaks any tension someone may have.

Because he's really not friendly and would actually find that much harder than just waiting or crossing the road. He doesn't 'do' people, fair enough.

Angelic999 · 20/03/2026 21:56

Pollqueen · 20/03/2026 21:18

I'm sorry. A man was walking and you came across him but think he shouldn't have been walking because he had long hair and could be mistaken for a woman?

😂😂😂

tachetastic · 20/03/2026 21:55

As a man I am aware of how women feel, and if I am behind a woman on a quiet street then I will cross the road or slow down to let her get some distance between us.

However, in this case, the man did nothing wrong. In fact, if anything, he was probably worried why this complete stranger looked straight at him as they passed, and then clearly changed direction to walk just several feet behind him.

greenteaandlimes · 20/03/2026 21:55

You turned around and followed him, then he stopped to get something from his backpack; and HE’S done something wrong? I am all for men being aware of women’s reasonable fears, but this certainly doesn’t seem to fit that category at all OP!

TheRealLillyAllenVerifiedAccount · 20/03/2026 21:55

I've had to train my husband not to walk behind lone women in empty places eg cross the road and stay where they can see him etc. It just wasn't even on his radar which surprised me.

However, in this situation I'm not sure what the man actually did?