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AIBU?

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All men should be aware of this

914 replies

mildlysweaty · 20/03/2026 21:08

I went for a walk in the sunshine around the back of my child’s school before pickup today. Usually the odd dog walker passes by but it’s pretty remote/foresty. I do this walk often but never go fully into the woods bit alone - because I’m female.

I was walking towards the woods and a person with long hair was walking my way - wrongly assumed it was a woman but when I passed them I realised it was a man in his 30s. I’ve passed plenty of men before walking their dogs, generally they give a nod and carry on. I started to feel a bit uneasy so rather than continue in that direction, I stopped a little further then turned around and started walking back (same way bloke was going).

I was a few feet behind him when he looked back over his shoulder back at me, then he stopped (with his back to me) and started opening his backpack. I felt bad vibes, there was no one else around. I managed to speed walk past him and pretended to phone my husband and had my car key ready to use if needed but all was okay in the end, I then passed some women walking.

In all honesty it could’ve been totally benign but any decent man should know that this sort of behaviour is intimidating for a woman, who’s alone, especially with nobody else around.

To get to my point: ALL men should understand how women need to be programmed to be wary of them, and how they can help is by ensuring they aren’t doing anything that could feel intimidating. They don’t know what it’s like to be a woman, but any decent man should be aware and conscious of how their behaviour may impact. I have reminded my husband of this today. It took a while to shake the feeling from this afternoon.

if voting I guess YABU = men don’t need to know this
YANBU = yes they do need to know this, it’s a way they can help

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
MoFadaCromulent · 20/03/2026 23:55

"I understand what you mean, OP. I hate a man walking behind me at night"

But how does that relate to the OP costing to walk mere feet behind a strange man in the daylight?

"the amount of times ive slowed down to allow them to pass and they don't or do so very relunctantly."

Like the random man enjoying his walk did here

OneLimeDuck · 20/03/2026 23:48

YANBU in thinking that men should be aware of how their actions and behaviours could be perceived as threatening. The obvious one being following a lone woman.

I also don't think you are necessarily being unreasonable to have been anxious in the particular case in your OP. You can only describe what you saw and did, you cannot describe those inner things, the ones that set off the 'what is he doing' thoughts.

RhaenysRocks · 20/03/2026 23:43

wfhwfh · 20/03/2026 23:32

I understand what you mean, OP. I hate a man walking behind me at night and the amount of times ive slowed down to allow them to pass and they don't or do so very relunctantly.

These are men who I am sure have no ill intentions - but they are wholly lacking in awareness that a woman on her own may feel unsafe with a man behind her who she can hear but not see. I often end up stopping and some of the men actually appear irritated that they have to pass and walk ahead of me.

It was gratifying to read some posts about women teaching their sons to cross the road rather than tail-gate a woman.

So what should this man have done in this scenario? Magically cease to exist?

LondonPapa · 20/03/2026 23:39

@mildlysweaty so I understand this. You went for a walk, a person you presumed was a woman but was a man walked by, you walked further before turning around. As you approached him, he looked over his shoulder, stopped and started getting something from his bag, you walked on?

Did you ever think that you gave off weird vibes and he was stopping to pay attention to what you’re doing in-case he is under a random attack?

Seriously, you’re the weird and dodgy one here, not him. Also, all women are programmed to be wary of men is nonsense. See a therapist.

Spottyblobby · 20/03/2026 23:38

Remember running at night once about 9:30pm in winter so very dark & as I approached a man on the path coming the other way he stood so far wide towards the other side of the path to me in a “I mean you no harm” type way & I wish he knew how much I appreciated that. I bet he has daughters.

user1492757084 · 20/03/2026 23:35

I think he was stopping to open the back back as an excuse to stop behind you so that you wouldn't feel that he was walking too closely behind you.

wfhwfh · 20/03/2026 23:32

I understand what you mean, OP. I hate a man walking behind me at night and the amount of times ive slowed down to allow them to pass and they don't or do so very relunctantly.

These are men who I am sure have no ill intentions - but they are wholly lacking in awareness that a woman on her own may feel unsafe with a man behind her who she can hear but not see. I often end up stopping and some of the men actually appear irritated that they have to pass and walk ahead of me.

It was gratifying to read some posts about women teaching their sons to cross the road rather than tail-gate a woman.

BarbiesDreamHome · 20/03/2026 23:32

He stopped to let you past.

  1. He walked past you.
  2. He didn't even know you had doubled back until you were close to him.

I really can't understand why, if you felt you were in danger and doubled back, you didn't watch and walk behind him for as long as possible and already have your keys ready.

MinglyMadly · 20/03/2026 23:30

I totally get it OP. Really the responses on here are quite bizarre. I frequently walk alone in the country and a. hugely aware of any man walking solo particularly when they have no dog,

Totally get why you were nervous.

Stressedoutmummyof3 · 20/03/2026 23:25

Angelicake · 20/03/2026 21:27

I know exactly what you mean OP. It's hard to explain though. Whenever my brothers or dh are walking at night and see a woman alone they will cross to the opposite side of the road to avoid walking behind or towards her. I thought this was fairly commonly known by most men.

But this wasn't at night. It was in the early afternoon. Would they cross over at any time of day?
I know my DH would do the same at night but in the day with other people around it probably wouldn't even occur to him.
I don't know. OP was following him so I don't think he did anything wrong.

SnowFrogJelly · 20/03/2026 23:22

How was this intimidating??

AntiqueBabyLoanSmurf · 20/03/2026 23:16

HalzTangz · 20/03/2026 21:45

Maybe your behaviour was suspicious to him, you were walking in one direction, you let him pass you, then you changed direction to walk behind him.

Yes, I agree with this. Although, if he had been dodgy, he would have likely had the balance of power over you; however YOU were behaving dodgy, for all he could tell.

He most probably looked behind him because he didn't want to stop and have you bump into him, as you were following him so closely; plus it's entirely normal, and wise, to look behind you before opening your bag - as somebody so close behind you could easily take advantage, reach in and grab your phone.

Unfortunately, you were worried about him potentially being a threat to you; and you reacted by behaving in a way that he may well have worried about you potentially being a threat to him. Even a man who's three times the size of a woman won't stand a chance if she grabs a big rock or a big thick fallen branch and smashes him over the head with it when he has his back to her.

steff13 · 20/03/2026 23:16

You got bad vibes from him, so decided to follow him. Then when he saw you following him, he stopped and got into his backpack, which made you more nervous. I stead of keeping your distance and keeping him in your line of sight, you decided to pass him so he'd be behind you again?

NotThisAgainSunshine · 20/03/2026 23:13

Has it put you off walking there alone?
I don’t want to worry you, but it might not be the last you see of him.

Womaninhouse17 · 20/03/2026 23:09

firstofallimadelight · 20/03/2026 21:40

Women have to be cautious of men because 3 women a week are killed by men and thousands are assaulted and raped. Not because of newspaper headlines

Instead of raw statistics, it's better to look at probability. You'll soon realise that the chances of being attacked are miniscule. Those cases make the news because they are not the norm. Women do not have to be cautious of men.

Imlyingandthatsthetruth · 20/03/2026 23:08

Pity the teachers, head in hands, faced with yet another topic "to be taught in schools" added by the zealots who think teachers have nothing to fill the school day with already...

Womaninhouse17 · 20/03/2026 23:04

oviraptor21 · 20/03/2026 22:10

I'm with you OP.
For your safety you had no choice but to turn back towards the populated area.
You kept your distance behind the man. If he'd had an ounce of awareness, when he turned round and saw you behind him, he would have kept on going to maintain the distance.
Boys need to be taught this in schools.

Boys need to be taught what in schools? That they have to always keep their distance from women? That they must stop and look in their backpacks? That they mustn't go for a walk? And OP did have a choice. She could have just carried on walking, said Hello to the man, and thought nothing of it.

apeaceful2026 · 20/03/2026 23:03

It sounds to me like he stopped to pretend to look in his backpack so that you could pass him without making things awkward for you.

crayonmess · 20/03/2026 23:01

when he turned round and saw you behind him, he would have kept on going to maintain the distance.

at what point is he allowed to stop and
get something from his backpack?

Womaninhouse17 · 20/03/2026 23:00

He stopped and opened his backpack. That's not threatening! Maybe he was just looking for his phone or his sandwiches or something. There really isn't any need for you to be frightened of walking alone, whether there is a man there or not.

crayonmess · 20/03/2026 22:57

This is odd, who would you follow him & pass him if you felt threatened?

B3c0808 · 20/03/2026 22:54

Being in situations where you fear something is off can make you think/feel all sorts
Last year I was in a situation where I felt genuinely worried, especially as I had my 2 young kids with me
We was on a bus upstairs sat on the right side. Only around 3 or 4 people up there, then a man got on a few rows in front to the left. He kept constantly looking behind at us and after maybe 10 times looking back he says to me, you okay? I smiled awkwardly and said yes thank you, he kept looking back. I was tempted to get off the bus at the next stop (way before the stop I needed in an area I didn’t know at all) but decided to go sit downstairs where it was busy at the back, I was so relieved when he got off the bus.
May sound innocent but the way he was constantly looking back, and only at us really got me on edge.
i havent been back on a bus since. Which is a shame as my 8 year old does like to go on the bus (luckily I drive)

baroqueandblue · 20/03/2026 22:53

oviraptor21 · 20/03/2026 22:10

I'm with you OP.
For your safety you had no choice but to turn back towards the populated area.
You kept your distance behind the man. If he'd had an ounce of awareness, when he turned round and saw you behind him, he would have kept on going to maintain the distance.
Boys need to be taught this in schools.

If he was a mind reader, perhaps he would've. But what are the chances of any of us bumping into Uri Geller on a woodland walk?

Slim to none, I imagine 🔮

brunettemic · 20/03/2026 22:49

Your instinct is whatever it is but to say men should I be aware of this you really need to explain what “this” is. I’m not sure you can blame him for anything when you effectively decided to follow him, which is more than likely the reason he looked over his shoulder. I’m also fairly sure men should be allowed to look into their bags.

Manxexile · 20/03/2026 22:49

mildlysweaty · 20/03/2026 21:21

I was several feet behind, he wouldn’t have heard me. He looked back and then stopped almost straight away and no he didn’t reach for the water bottle which was in the side pocket of his bag. It was odd, and felt dodgy. In my OP I said I often do this walk (3 years now) and never felt like that or had someone just stop in their tracks - the men (and women) usually carry on in their direction. Yes I turned around because I was walking in the direction of the woods and wanted to get closer to the village again - I didn’t think he would stop, and I was several feet behind him.

Eh?

You decided to turn around and follow him but instead of keeping a sensible distance between the two of you you decided to be as close as only "several feet behind him" and you think he didn't know you were there?

If this is a remote/forested area I'd hazard a guess that he'd be aware of you following him even if you were 30 yards or more behind him.

If you were following him only several feet behind of course he stopped and looked round to see why this person was following him so closely.