Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

All men should be aware of this

914 replies

mildlysweaty · 20/03/2026 21:08

I went for a walk in the sunshine around the back of my child’s school before pickup today. Usually the odd dog walker passes by but it’s pretty remote/foresty. I do this walk often but never go fully into the woods bit alone - because I’m female.

I was walking towards the woods and a person with long hair was walking my way - wrongly assumed it was a woman but when I passed them I realised it was a man in his 30s. I’ve passed plenty of men before walking their dogs, generally they give a nod and carry on. I started to feel a bit uneasy so rather than continue in that direction, I stopped a little further then turned around and started walking back (same way bloke was going).

I was a few feet behind him when he looked back over his shoulder back at me, then he stopped (with his back to me) and started opening his backpack. I felt bad vibes, there was no one else around. I managed to speed walk past him and pretended to phone my husband and had my car key ready to use if needed but all was okay in the end, I then passed some women walking.

In all honesty it could’ve been totally benign but any decent man should know that this sort of behaviour is intimidating for a woman, who’s alone, especially with nobody else around.

To get to my point: ALL men should understand how women need to be programmed to be wary of them, and how they can help is by ensuring they aren’t doing anything that could feel intimidating. They don’t know what it’s like to be a woman, but any decent man should be aware and conscious of how their behaviour may impact. I have reminded my husband of this today. It took a while to shake the feeling from this afternoon.

if voting I guess YABU = men don’t need to know this
YANBU = yes they do need to know this, it’s a way they can help

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
IdentityCris · 21/03/2026 01:47

Aroundthesun04 · 21/03/2026 01:40

I understand why you felt uneasy OP, for all you knew him stopping and fiddling with his backpack could have been a ploy to suddenly pounce on you as you walked past him. Also, I would never walk alone in woods, I remember the Hungerford massacre in which a woman with her young children was shot and killed. I know this is very extreme but you don't know who is hiding, just waiting to pounce.

If he was planning to pounce on her, he'd already had his chance when she passed him before. The fact that, after she passed him, he continued walking away from her whilst she made herself increasingly safe by walking away from him tends to indicate that that wasn't his intention, doesn't it? Otherwise he would have turned round almost immediately.

If you really think someone wants to pounce on you, why on earth would you turn around and make it easy for him?

IdentityCris · 21/03/2026 01:43

n my OP I said I often do this walk (3 years now) and never felt like that or had someone just stop in their tracks - the men (and women) usually carry on in their direction.

But you were the one who didn't just carry on in your direction. Yes, people generally do carry on walking, but you know and I know that also sometimes people just stop - they feel tired, they have a pain, they want something from their bag, they want to get their bearings, whatever. Who knows, they do it because. a strange woman they just passed suddenly changed direction and is coming up behind them and they'd rather let her go past and get well out of the way.

Aroundthesun04 · 21/03/2026 01:40

I understand why you felt uneasy OP, for all you knew him stopping and fiddling with his backpack could have been a ploy to suddenly pounce on you as you walked past him. Also, I would never walk alone in woods, I remember the Hungerford massacre in which a woman with her young children was shot and killed. I know this is very extreme but you don't know who is hiding, just waiting to pounce.

PickledElectricity · 21/03/2026 01:31

mildlysweaty · 20/03/2026 21:46

the main point (which I don’t think I’m getting across) is that men often don’t realise the impact of ordinary behaviours in certain contexts. Like stopping suddenly in an isolated space and creating a situation where a woman may feel trapped. I’m not saying he was out to kill me.

Babe I think they do and I think they get off on it. Unfortunately.

I'm glad you're ok. Always trust your instincts. I'd rather be rude or strange than sorry.

rainbowunicorn · 21/03/2026 01:23

Anyahyacinth · 21/03/2026 00:27

Always trust your instincts OP

Men should know not to do things like walk behind a woman etc.. basic courtesy related to the risks women face

What are you on about? There was no man walking behind a woman here.

Mamabearandcubs · 21/03/2026 01:22

I would feel the same as you OP as unfortunately the sad world we live in is that females are not safe walking remote places these days.

Ablondiebutagoody · 21/03/2026 01:21

You made this encounter weird, not him

rainbowunicorn · 21/03/2026 01:21

EEHHH · 21/03/2026 00:05

Wtf am i reading.
Sometimes im more scared of women than i am of some of the men.

Edited

Yep. Couldn't agree more.

PollyBell · 21/03/2026 00:58

Morepositivemum · 21/03/2026 00:32

Why are people acting like they’re confused, if a man sees a woman and they’re isolated, him stopping and taking something out of a bloody backpack isn’t going to seem great is it? Fed up of people on mn pretending they don’t know what people are talking about or acting like the op is crazy- they were in the bloody woods, not on an open street with plenty of people! And yes men should be aware that women could be nervous of them! Ffs

Maybe bag shops should ensure men sign a contract that states they have to put things in a bag within closed doors and are not allowed to go in it in public unless they seek permission from any females within 100 miles ti see if it ok

MustardGlass · 21/03/2026 00:46

Your issues are not his issues, as far as he can tell you are just some one he walked past on a dog path.

MandingoAteMyBaby · 21/03/2026 00:39

A man exists

WAAH CALL THE POLICE !!!!

AntiqueBabyLoanSmurf · 21/03/2026 00:39

Quite unfairly, my mum always said she was concerned if anyone was walking in a dog walking area (like the one in the post) without a dog, because it seemed weird

Eh? Since when did areas that are popular with dog walkers somehow become areas that were exclusively for dog walkers?!

Enrichetta · 21/03/2026 00:38

I agree that women should be aware that if they encounter a lone woman in an otherwise deserted spot they should remove themselves from the area by crossing the road or changing direction, anything that signals “I mean you no harm”. Which is why I voted for ‘not unreasonable’.

However, though it’s obviously difficult for us to retrace the OP’s steps and experience the unease that she clearly felt, I wonder whether the young man stopped specifically for this reason. Maybe he could sense the OP’s unease and, unable to remove himself by going elsewhere because it was a narrow path, he chose to busy himself with his backpack so that OP could pass him and “get back to safety”.

Do you know what he did after he passed you, @mildlysweaty ? Did he wait until you had put some distance between you and him before walking on?

ThreadneedleRoad · 21/03/2026 00:35

Morepositivemum · 21/03/2026 00:32

Why are people acting like they’re confused, if a man sees a woman and they’re isolated, him stopping and taking something out of a bloody backpack isn’t going to seem great is it? Fed up of people on mn pretending they don’t know what people are talking about or acting like the op is crazy- they were in the bloody woods, not on an open street with plenty of people! And yes men should be aware that women could be nervous of them! Ffs

They were at the back of her child’s school, not on the Appalachian Trail, miles from the nearest road!

Morepositivemum · 21/03/2026 00:32

Why are people acting like they’re confused, if a man sees a woman and they’re isolated, him stopping and taking something out of a bloody backpack isn’t going to seem great is it? Fed up of people on mn pretending they don’t know what people are talking about or acting like the op is crazy- they were in the bloody woods, not on an open street with plenty of people! And yes men should be aware that women could be nervous of them! Ffs

Pistachiocake · 21/03/2026 00:29

Whataninterestinglookingpotato · 20/03/2026 21:13

Are you generally a very anxious person OP? Is this a very isolated place? I’m guessing not if you quickly ran into two more women. Was the man paying you any attention or just going about his business?

maybe I’m blasé but I rarely feel like this. For the most part people are just going about their lives and it’s pretty unlikely anything would happen in broad day light on a well used path.

Exactly! And a lot of attacks are from women/mixed groups. Quite unfairly, my mum always said she was concerned if anyone was walking in a dog walking area (like the one in the post) without a dog, because it seemed weird, though to be fair, none of the attacks in our are have ever involved a man with a dog. One of the nicest men I know said people used to give him worried looks if he carried a backpack on the train, assuming that his skin colour made him more dangerous. These people presumably didn't think white women could possibly be a problem.

MoFadaCromulent · 21/03/2026 00:28

Anyahyacinth · 21/03/2026 00:27

Always trust your instincts OP

Men should know not to do things like walk behind a woman etc.. basic courtesy related to the risks women face

Or in front of them
Or be followed by them

Whatwerewetalkingabout · 21/03/2026 00:28

OP, to answer your question, men should be aware that they can appear frightening to women. I've had many occasion walking home from my train in the dark, my village isn't super well lit and sometimes guys are just making their own way back home but they usually walk faster than me so it can feel absolutley awful when you have the feeling of someone gaining on you and I have broken out into a run before if I don't like the lack of street lights or houses to get to a better street. I'm sure it makes those guys feel like shit and I don't mean it personally (for any blokes reading)

However I suspect some guys probably get the heebie jeebies too, put yourself in the guys position, you were walking one way and he was walking another, however how would you feel if you sensed the guy change direction and start following you? He probably messed with his bag as an excuse to stop to let you past. Your behaviour actually made you appear to be the predator so I guess the lesson is we should all be mindful not to appear stalkerish to strangers. 😅

Anyahyacinth · 21/03/2026 00:27

Always trust your instincts OP

Men should know not to do things like walk behind a woman etc.. basic courtesy related to the risks women face

Angelicake · 21/03/2026 00:24

But this wasn't at night. It was in the early afternoon. Would they cross over at any time of day?

If there were no other people around (as it appears to be in OPs case), yes, of course they would. Obviously not in a town centre, or a housing estate, but I live rurally and there are a lot of quiet roads with no houses close by. I suppose men make the judgement taking account of the situation. I've definitely felt uncomfortable on a lonely road in the middle of the day.

PollyBell · 21/03/2026 00:16

EEHHH · 21/03/2026 00:05

Wtf am i reading.
Sometimes im more scared of women than i am of some of the men.

Edited

Exactly

EEHHH · 21/03/2026 00:05

Wtf am i reading.
Sometimes im more scared of women than i am of some of the men.

Lavender14 · 20/03/2026 23:59

Nickyknackered · 20/03/2026 21:13

But you turned and followed him? He didn't chnage direction or anything?

I understand what you're saying op, but I agree with this. In the situation you're describing he was walking away from you and you then turned and followed him so he's actually not done anything wrong. In fact I don't think there's anything different he could have done other than not stopped to get something from his bag but again, maybe he checked behind him before he stopped so as not to block someone and then went for his headphones or a phone battery etc. Maybe he's diabetic and needed a snack.

I normally say trust your gut and obviously none of us can speak to this guy as to whether he was genuinely creepy or not. But i don't think id expect a man to do anything differently in this situation.

PollyBell · 20/03/2026 23:59

wfhwfh · 20/03/2026 23:32

I understand what you mean, OP. I hate a man walking behind me at night and the amount of times ive slowed down to allow them to pass and they don't or do so very relunctantly.

These are men who I am sure have no ill intentions - but they are wholly lacking in awareness that a woman on her own may feel unsafe with a man behind her who she can hear but not see. I often end up stopping and some of the men actually appear irritated that they have to pass and walk ahead of me.

It was gratifying to read some posts about women teaching their sons to cross the road rather than tail-gate a woman.

Are you on the right thread?

rainbowunicorn · 20/03/2026 23:57

wfhwfh · 20/03/2026 23:32

I understand what you mean, OP. I hate a man walking behind me at night and the amount of times ive slowed down to allow them to pass and they don't or do so very relunctantly.

These are men who I am sure have no ill intentions - but they are wholly lacking in awareness that a woman on her own may feel unsafe with a man behind her who she can hear but not see. I often end up stopping and some of the men actually appear irritated that they have to pass and walk ahead of me.

It was gratifying to read some posts about women teaching their sons to cross the road rather than tail-gate a woman.

Did you read the OP?

It was during the day.
The man was not walking behind her.
He was walking towards her.
She started at him as he passed her.
She then turned around and followed him at a distance of a few feet.
She then complained on here that he stopped to get something from his bag after looking behind him at the strange person following him.