All men should be aware of this

She wanted him to think about her feelings of safety, but completely disregard his own when somebody had just suddenly changed direction and was now following very closely behind him.

OP didn't know if he wanted to do her amy harm; just like he didn't know if she wanted to do him any harm.

Yes, she would have been unable to rape him and extremely unlikely to sexually assault him; but those aren't the only potential crimes.

For all we know, he was worried that she'd suddenly changed direction and was shadowing him closely in an attempt to take him unawares and steal his phone. He didn't know that she didn't have a knife or had picked up a hefty fallen branch to whack him with or was skilled in martial arts and taking people by surprise.

What if, concerned about this potential crime and/or assault, he got nervous and stopped to reassure himself that she hadn't already stealthily delved into his bag and stolen his phone or car keys? An unknown person suddenly following very closely behind would concern most people and put them on high alert - even a school-aged child doing something like that would make you wonder what they were up to.

But instead, we have people who believe that all men are essentially dangerous criminals just waiting for their chance to strIke; whilst the faintest suggestion that a woman could ever possibly commit any kind of aggressive crime are making up far-fetched fantasies and being utterly ridiculous...

You mean the post where she changed her story so instead of him glancing back and then just stopping to get something to him constantly looking at her and then deliberately blocking her path (which he could only do as she was following him)?

He didn't do anything wrong. OP was so scared of this man that instead of leaving him alone she approached him? Doesn't make sense.

I said you VIEW was dangerous, it seems reading comprehension is lacking. The view men can't be scared of women (which is what you've said many times) especially women acting erratically or unusually is dangerous. It perpetuates the stereotype that men can't be harmed by women and prevents men reporting assaults due to the fear of not being believed or being mocked.

There have been links shared about women attacking and hurting others in parks, whilst in a face to face attack the man might have the physical advantage, she was coming up behind him after looking at him oddly. She could have had a weapon to attack him, she could have been trying to rob him, she could have been trying to distract him so her 6 foot 7, brick shithouse boyfriend could jump him. Everyone should be aware of anyone acting erratically regardless of gender.

And if a man is already a decent sort who wouldn't remotely dream of harming a woman... what can he do to become 'more decent'?

It's a bit like saying that people who always pay for their purchases in shops could help to reduce the scourge of shoplifting, if they were decent people, by... continuing to pay for their goods as they always have.

Click see all of OPs posts. Scroll down to her post of 21st at 11.51. She tells us there what she would have wanted him to do differently.
You can argue she's unreasonable to say that if you have a different opinion, but that she said it is a matter of fact.

She stated quite clearly in her post on the 21st what she would have wanted him to do differently. You don't have to agree with her, but she said it.
Would you like to explain in what way my belief that it's highly unlikely this man would have been frightened by this situation
a) is in any way the same as saying a man can't feel scared at being followed (for the record, i think being followed by another man would likely be very frightening indeed for a man)?
b) Makes me 'dangerous'? Because on a thread belittling a woman for being frightened, calling a woman who holds a different view to you, who presents no risk to anyone seems both hyperbolic and rather hypocritical of you.

No she didn't. If the OP carnt even tell us what the man could have different then how is the man supposed to know? He waited for her to pass, he busied himself. If the man had stood and looked at her while she passed or didn't give way she would complain about that to.He choose the least intimidating way to go about this

No she didn't

Because she changed the story slightly to make him seem potentially more sinister

And none of that negates the fact SHE followed HIM

(Although you also hold the dangerous view that men can't feel scared being followed so...)

Speak for yourself. You might be waiting. We're certainly not 'all' waiting given OP actually told us three days ago.

OP we are all waiting for you to tell us what you think this man should have done. Because we honestly carnt see that he could have done anything else besides what he did do

Also OP. You want men to modify their behaviour. This guy actually did, he let you pass. He went in his bag and let you pass. In that situation he couldn't have done anything else. You followed him and you expect him to modify his behaviour. Take a look at your own actions.

OP no one is a mind-reader. None of us knew what you expected this man to do. He let you pass, there was nothing else he could do. If you are this anxious about a non event maybe don't walk there again. He did absolutely nothing wrong and had every right to be there.

OP, can you tell us what you think this man could or should have done differently?

What is your point, then, OP? Because I can't fathom what this man had done wrong that other men need to be made aware of?

Or are you saying all men need to be aware of your anxiety and take steps to mitigate it? Because that really does sound unreasonable and controlling, to expect strangers to intuit your emotional state and try to make you feel better.

Literally no-one has disagreed with the general point about men being aware and if appropriate, altering their path or whatever. What they have disagreed about is the level and extent to which women should expect this to extend to accommodate possibly unreasonable levels or anxiety or fear. Also simples.

For as long as people have different, valid, views on levels of risk, personal confidence and perspectives on the 'predator / prey' thing, there will continue to be disagreement..but again, no-one is suggesting the basic premise is unfounded.

"yes, but that's just one cat, that you know and have time to focus on in your own home. How can a man go through all that complex thought process every time he comes across a woman anywhere near him?"

This is fabulous. Dear goodness, I've never known a thread like this for people taking things literally to the point of cartoonish absurdity. I checked back in to see if the madness was ongoing, and yes, it is - same old, same old... But this one was so exquisite, I had to post something (sucker for punishment - I'm learning from this, and not checking back in again, you'll be pleased to know).

So (deep breath).

Kindly, my suggestion isn't that men gather all their considerable intellectual faculties to think of nervous cats every time they see a woman on the street.

Here's another encounter that may help to explain.

Shortly after my earlier last post, walking down the street, I saw a man slowly pushing a pram in front of me. I was walking faster than him and about to overtake him, and the pavement wasn't very wide. As such, anticipating the potential for me to make him jump as I suddenly appeared from behind his shoulder, I instead gently cleared my throat when I was still a few feet away as a subtle advance warning, and also angled my body slightly as I passed in a kind of instinctive "I respect your personal space" non-verbal cue that politely acknowledged the limited distance between us.

This is all that we mean, people!

I'm kind of glad actually to have seen the above and be able to write this as my final post, as it conveniently addresses a few of the misrepresentations (lies?) that seem to keep coming up.

Like OP, I wasn't "following" this man - I was approaching from behind him at a slightly faster pace.

Like most (all?) of the posters on my "side" of this debate - and, indeed, like most thinking people - I recognise that men have the capacity to feel unsafe (and yes, the right to "take action to keep themselves safe", or whatever the curious phrase that keeps coming up is).

Unlike some here, I don't see instinctively respectful, empathetic body language as an unfathomable mystery or overwhelming challenge in my busy day. That so many do really does suggest the OP - however badly chosen her example and unreasonable her moral judgement about our beleaguered hero, poor old bag-bloke - did have one hell of a point after all.

To me, as another poster said, really, it's all pretty simples (bless Aleksandr!)

Ah, I'm the wrong person to answer that, as I don't think he did anything wrong either. I've never disputed that on the thread.
My issue has been with people belittling the OP for feeling nervous while at the same time projecting extreme feelings of fear onto the man.

I completely agree with you regarding having more to fear from a man than a woman, statistics, and most women's experiences dictate that, no argument from me, and I don't think the people defending the man's actions are disputing that.

But, I do not like being followed, if I was walking alone and a man or a woman changed direction to follow closely behind me, I would make an excuse to stop and let them pass without drawing attention to myself, looking in your bag is an ideal cover for that as it removes eye contact/acknowledgment of their presence too. What I wouldn't do is carry on walking with them following.

I would be extremely concerned if a man did it, less so if it was a woman but for either sex I would find it odd and I'd stop and force them to pass me, as their actions would make me feel uncomfortable, I actually think this guy did nothing wrong, and only did what he did because a stranger started following him.

Some people have said he was in the wrong, but no one, even OP, seems to be able to answer what he should have done instead under those circumstances? Carry on walking as to not offend/scare the person who has turned to follow him?

OP turned and followed a man, she was in the wrong and of course he might feel uneasy

Suggesting men don't feel scared or uneasy about being followed by a woman only adds to the stigma of men not reporting assaults by women because they are worried about being mocked, disbelieved or even (as is pretty evident on this thread) being misrepresented as the predator

Can't always place myself inside the mind of every person in the neighbourhood.

I wanted to say something along these lines, re how men are expected to behave.

A pp made a very long post, in great detail, about how she behaves around her nervous cat, and how men should do the same when they come across a woman. And I thought "yes, but that's just one cat, that you know and have time to focus on in your own home. How can a man go through all that complex thought process every time he comes across a woman anywhere near him?" It's just bonkers and entirely impractical.

Marginally perhaps. But you asked me if I'd find it suspicious and I've answered you honestly, if it was a woman, no. I dont fear women.
I mean, they're very unlikely to be violent towards me, there's practically zero chance they'd sexually assault me or behave in a predatory way towards me, and in the worst case, I'd have a chance of outrunning them or defending myself.
The odds of anyone of either sex doing me real harm are slim, but there are all sorts of ways that fall short of serious physical harm that men can, and have, made me feel uncomfortable. The unwanted comments, attempts to spark conversation and getting nasty when rebuffed, all unerving and all too frequent for me not to feel a frisson of unease if a man behaves oddly that I genuinely wouldn't feel about a woman.

She wasn't approaching you though, she had walked past you, turned around and was now following a few feet behind you, you've looked back at her but she's made no move to say anything or walk past, she just keeps following you.

Would you find that odd?

The man was followed by the OP after she suddenly changed direction. That would put fear into anyone regardless of gender. Men have thoughts, feelings and fears, that's not limited to women only.

If that were true, we'd always know when someone was dangerous and when someone was safe. We don't, evidently. Lots of women marry men who go on to assault and rape them. Many of us, myself included, have been a bit freaked out by a man simply existing near us, especially somewhere dark and/or unfamiliar, but I personally wouldn't be confident saying that's because they're predators. It's just that I'm in a vulnerable situation if there did happen to be a predator around. That's enough to put you on edge a bit, and maybe do like OP did and get out of the situation asap, but really not fair to assume that the man was a predator just because she felt nervous.

But anyway, it really doesn't matter. She got bad vibes, she got away.

The only problem is that she seems to think that there's something men in general are supposed to do about the fact that she was scared. There is literally nothing the guy in question did wrong, other than give OP bad vibes. So what can men in general be aware of here? Yes, things like not following close behind women, crossing the road etc - men should be aware of those things. But in this case, apart from the bad vibes, what could he actually have done differently? He was just walking. OP passed him, then turned around and walked behind him quite closely. He stopped and looked for something in his bag (possibly because he didn't like having someone walk behind him, or maybe in order to give OP some space to overtake him, or maybe he was oblivious to her and genuinely wanted something from his bag) and OP passed him, and left the area. I'm just at a total loss about what the hell he could have done differently? And what are men in general supposed to take from this?

ETA: I didn't say OP was bizarre. I said the thread is bizarre. Which it is.