All men should be aware of this

You can't live your life in fear. Are you usually this fearful? I walk alone in the woods every day listening to true crime podcasts no less! I encounter the odd lone man enjoying a walk. I rationally know that he would have ample opportunity to attack me but the chance of this happening are very small. The person above who said 'this is what Rachel nickel thought too' has identified an awful tragedy but one that happens so rarely. You are more likely to die in your car but most people get in one regularly.

This particular man wasn't behind the OP at any point.

She, on the other hand, deliberately changed direction so that she could be behind him, and seems to have sped up to do so.

So, if anyone was intimidating in this scenario, it was the OP.

Maybe he did hear you, so he turned around to check, and was surprised to see the person who just walked past him suddenly tailing him.

He probably felt it would be very awkward for you to slowly try to overtake him, so he stopped and started fiddling with his bag to give you time to get some personal space.

I don't think there is a parallel. Women are indeed far more likely to be killed by a man they know (a relative, husband or ex) than a stranger and it's usually the culmination of DV over a period of time. As you say, the violence takes place behind closed doors, in secret and with nobody else around or any CCTV. But the idea that a man in a changing room in the middle of a busy sports centre or department store with many other people around, probably some kind of security and definitely CCTV would murder a woman is not a comparable scenario. What are the statistics of women being murdered by strange men in changing rooms?

Exactly! This thread has become as bizarre as the OP is.

It's the OP who acted oddly. The guy did the sensible thing and stopped so that this person almost on his heels, could pass.

This poster summed it up, really. This guy couldn't win

He was a man (god help him) walking towards you, who passed you, paying you no heed, who later turned round to see if he needed to move aside to let the person he could see/hear/feel behind him pass, then stopped because he wanted to let the very odd woman who had suddenly decided to turn round and follow him, get past and out of his space. While stopped he thought he might as well have a sip of water/fag/stick of chewing gum/breather.

How does it harm a man for a woman to trust her gut and get to safety if she feels something is off? You just look like a bit of a twat if you’re wrong. I can’t believe you’re telling women to ignore gut instincts to appease the feelings of random men who don’t even know what she’s thinking?

Exactly!

I walk every day - on my own. I go on walking holidays in the UK and more often abroad when I walk every day - on my own. I prefer quiet walking routes and if I see other people and want to maintain a good distance, I slow my pace or stop for a while to let them get well ahead of me before I resume my walk.

I don't turn back on myself and follow someone who's passed me, in case they double back for the purpose of following me. That is just bizarre!

And if I realised someone I'd just passed was now a few feet behind me, yes, I would stop and let them pass me. I don't want some stranger walking behind me - that would be at best weird and annoying and at worst, intimidating.

The guy displayed normal behaviour. He looked back because you changed direction and followed him. He was looking out for his own safety. Men are allowed to do that. If mens normal behaviour to a situation worries you so much maybe you shouldn't go out. Men shouldn't have to suddenly disappear to appease you. He did nothing wrong.

You turned and followed him. So you’re ok to stop and turn around and follow him but he can’t stop and look in his backpack? Maybe you made him feel uncomfortable

Um... what? Do you have a main character syndrome or something, and think the world revolves around you? You met a man who was going in the opposite direction, and YOU turned around and followed him. He was walking and minding his own, then stopped to pull something out of his backpack. You walked past, nothing happened. Oh yes, he had long hair and 'gave you vibes'.

Jesus. No, I wouldn't be teaching my son to kowtow to neurotic females, seriously. Thanks.

Op Vanessa on lbc had a radio talk in last year I think saying all the things women do sub consciously to protected themselves from men all the time .it was quite shocking

Maybe he was nervous that changed direction to follow him

Wait, this account has changed from your OP.

In your OP you didn't say "he kept looking back at me", you said "I was a few feet behind him when he looked back over his shoulder back at me, then he stopped".

So which was it because it makes a difference?

If it was the latter then that doesn't sound even slightly worrying. You must have been walking quite a bit faster than him to catch him up. If I am out walking and I hear someone coming up behind me who is obviously going faster than I am then I do usually stand to one side to let them go past, especially if the path is narrow. It's just polite.

If the former then I agree it would be a bit disconcerting if he kept looking back at you. But I am surprised you didn't mention this very relevant information at the start.

I have not voted because, while in principle I agree that decent men should think about how their presence might seem intimidating to women in certain situations and try to avoid that, I am genuinely struggling to see how this man could have behaved differently.

I’m with you OP. I’m a dog walker and mostly walk around some quiet fields at the back of our house. Sometimes I’ve come across men who just give me the creeps and I’ve been really glad I’ve got the dog with me. It is a gut instinct that kicks in out of the blue and it is really unpleasant.

OP, I don't quite believe I'm going to write this, as I'm not anxious ever really. (I walk daily on my own, often around a few large, forrested park areas, and I'm not easily spooked.) However, just yesterday I collected a small item I'd seen on FB Marketplace. It was on my way home from work, a small item, & I'd been communicating with a female profile. When I arrived it was a man who answered. He didn't say much, quite dismissive really, so I handed over the money & left. Large house in a very nice area. But he had a really mean face. I'm not usually judgy at all, I'm a super friendly sort, but honestly there was just something about him that was off. I hadn't really thought about how someone can seem so mean without saying much, but there you are.

I can see how you may have got a bad vive from just seeing this man. Perhaps he & my mean faced guy are both absolutely lovely, but if a vive is off it's strange.

A woman is more likely to be murdered by her own husband in no small part because he has more opportunity. He has access to her behind closed doors when she is off guard and vulnerable. You can probably see the parallel there with a man in a women's changing room, and conclude why it's more problematic than a man in the street.

He only stopped because she gone out of her way to follow him, all on basis he had long hair FFS!

There are some dangerous violent men out there but I won’t be put off going to the woods, I love it there. I sometimes go at night.

So the general consensus is that men are rarely a threat to women and you're more likely to be murdered by your own husband. If that's the case then why the bloody uproar about men in women's changing rooms?

It sounds like this 'Gift of Fear' book has a lot to answer for. So even if a man did nothing other than to stop and look in his bag in the vicinity of a woman who was herself acting a bit strangely, if she thinks he's a wrong 'un then that becomes cast iron fact? Even if she can't articulate anything he actually did wrong, that doesn't matter because in a couple of weeks she definitely will remember something that makes it obvious he was up to no good (like what exactly)? Sounds like nonsense, but if you want to put being irrationally afraid of nothing on an intellectual footing then that's your prerogative. I'm just happy that I don't see the world like that.

In your original post you say he only looked back when you were ‘a few feet’ behind him (so a few steps behind, which is close) and he then stopped so you could overtake. In your subsequent posts you say i) he ‘kept looking back’ at you, and ii) have provided a diagram to show you weren’t ‘right behind the guy’. So which is it?

What sticks out to me is that you turned round to follow him, from his perspective. I bet he felt majorly uncomfortable about that, so he stopped to let you pass rather than continue with a possible unhinged woman behind him.

According to the 2022 UK Femicide census (121 women killed by a man) you have a greater chance of being killed by your own son than by a stranger.

I just can't imagine living with this level of anxiety and paranoia. It can't be good for you OP

OP if you are that scared of seeing a man who was behaving normally and probably thought you were strange walking past him then turning round and following him when out on walks in lonely places walk in more populated areas in future