All men should be aware of this

What do you think this particular man could have/should have done differently?

What depresses me on threads such as this is when a man, or men, post trying to invalidate the feelings of the woman.

Basically, because it isn't our lived experience, us men have absolutely no idea of why a woman may interpret an innocent encounter as something else.

The best I can do as a individual is listen to women, learn from them and empathise with them over issues that affect them, from the threat of male physical violence, though unwanted physical attention to unwanted attention of all sorts to being ignored ridiculed and subjected to all manner of sexist behaviour.

The bottom line is that the issues are caused by us men so it is up to us men to fix them, this starts with the very small baby steps of being aware of how our actions may be perceived and modifying them accordingly and calling out other men's behaviours.

Shall we make all car drivers aware of this?

And about 350 women die in road traffic accidents in a year, to put that in some context.

Unfortunately, they are not exceptional occurrences.

I've been harassed and assaulted by men while out running, on a bus, on a train, in a queue, at several jobs, in bars, etc. I'm pretty average.

And that doesn't even cover the way male family members, friends, and partners of my female friends, have behaved towards me.

It does get tiring being told that it doesn't happen that often, or that I'm being anxious or paranoid. Some people (not just women) have learned the hard way to be particularly attuned to others' body language and non-verbal cues. Often, that 'paranoia' or 'anxiety' is picking up on those things - things that others might not notice.

Having said that, on the face of it, it sounds like the man was just having a nice walk and wanted to get something from his bag.

"Men should definitely be more cautious about this"

What would this additional caution look like in the OP's scenario?

Ugh just from the way you described this i got that same familiar, awful feeling. Know exactly what you mean OP and I truly do think that a lot of men just arent aware of how this can affect us at all. It was probable that he wasnt doing anything shifty, and perhaps stopped and pretended to be doing something to let you get past - but then again, you just dont know. Its happened too many times before. Men should definitely be more cautious about this, yanbu.

The man wasn't behaving in an unexpected way. He was walking, didn't change direction. OP did change direction, followed the man, didn't like that he glanced back because he was being followed, then stopped so she could pass. It was OP who behaved in unexpected ways. I'm sorry for the girls who where raped , very sorry. But that's not what the post was about. The man in the OP was innocent .

My dd is a student. A friend of hers, who used to work in an “unsafe” place, said to me that their university town is very safe, when I said I worry about her walking home at night. Well, relatively it is, statistically it is safer than the places he is used to. However I know three young women raped at Oxbridge, by fellow students. None of these rapes were reported. So there are three men out there somewhere, who may have never been convicted of anything, whose parents are probably proud of them, who are actually rapists. This is just in my small circle, quite a few other people have mentioned knowing someone raped at university . Also this isn’t including the girls and young women I know who have been spiked, one also sexually assaulted. Or the girl I went to school with, raped by her father, another man who never faced a law court. Or all the near misses in my own life, and the number of times I’ve been flashed or groped or followed, once when I was a very small 12 year old. Or all the women I know who have been attacked.
When I read posts diminishing and mocking the anxiety felt by the OP who came across a man in an isolated place, behaving in an unexpected way, I think lucky lucky you . Lucky you to have never met any of these men above, lucky you to have walked down dark roads and not felt fear. Lucky you to have lived a life where all the men you know are good, and kind. But it’s likely the parents of my friend’s Oxford rapist thought he was a model citizen too.

I would feel the same way you did!

I have tried to tell my DH about this, and he keeps insisting it's fine for women to walk alone in places like that.

He just doesn't get it

Why was he thoughtless? He was just walking to his car. Why should he have done the things you wanted? You could have easily slowed down and let him pass you. All he wanted to do was get to his car. He is not a mind-reader, he couldn't read your thoughts, and he was not thoughtless.

Your intuition could of been right so always take notice of those feelings..
It's sad we have to feel switched on all the time even when having a stroll in the sun if I was alone I would never put my ear pods in .. good to be aware but sad when it spoils what should be a peaceful and relaxing time.
I agree with you .

Really surprised by the way the voting is going on this thread (currently more YABU).

I was walking home from the station along a fairly dimly lit road a while back. A guy was following me on my side of the road. I crossed the road ahead of him so that he was no longer walking behind me and to put some distance between us. He crossed the road too. So I crossed back, quite rattled by this point. It turned out his car was parked on that side of the road; he got in it and drove away. But not before I had got quite panicky. The whole situation could have been avoided if he had crossed onto the side he needed much earlier, so he wasn’t walking behind me, or if he had not then crossed the road immediately after me. He could for example have unlocked his car and then the lights would have alerted me to his true destination and I would have adapted my route accordingly. Men are thoughtless.

There are ONS stats on this ... something like 1% of men are attacked by a stranger and 0.4% of women. I don't think the stats state whether the men are to blame for being attacked. It is very likely that both men and women feel anxious near strangers acting weirdly.

The man did nothing.wrong The women took offense to nothing then acted irrationally. The only way to prevent this is for the Man not to be there which is very unfair to a man who did nothing wrong and caused no threats. The OP is actually victim blaming the man. OP needs to wise up

You clearly have a very vivid imagination and are prepared to suspend all knowledge of likelihood to consider the most far fetched scenario. As such I'm sure you'd be first in line to empathise with the OP.
I'm sure you can think of all sorts of equally terrible fates that could have befallen her at his hands too, so will understand perfectly why she felt uncomfortable.

Nobody is “blaming” op. They’re bemused that she’s asking why men don’t know better than to behave like this, when the bloke’s behaviour was absolutely normal, and her own was a bit irrational.
That’s all 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP says she didn't turn around immediately in one of her comments, but was a few feet away when he stopped. In other words she was catching him up rather than keeping a 'safe' distance. Then instead of backing away when the man stopped, chose to carry on walking past the man who made her feel so uneasy and proceeded with her back to him. Reacting to a rational fear, by acting so irrationally makes no sense. Any half rational man witnessing that behaviour would presume the OP had no problem with him being in her proximity, so why would they alter their actions. Insisting on maintaining a sensible distance would have sent the message that the OP was nervous and the man could have acted accordingly. Give the guy a chance to act sympathetically.

Looks like he was by you.

This thread is so bizarre.

What actually happened: Woman saw a man in the woods and felt unsafe, even though he was doing nothing obviously creepy. She left the woods.

That's all that happened. No one is wrong or bad in this situation. The man may or may not have been a creep - no way of knowing for sure, but he gave the OP a bad vibe, so she left the area. Fine.

Where it all gets a bit mad is OP declaring that men need to know about this and change their behaviour. But the man's behaviour was fine. It may even have been intended as respectful and giving space to the OP - that's how I read it. But either way, it was normal behaviour and there's nothing men can do about that.

I don't think it's gaslighting or victim blaming to say that there's nothing to see here. I don't think men in general can do anything about the fact that some women are anxious about seeing men in public. That is a horrible situation for OP to be in, but it's not actually that man's fault and ultimately, he wasn't waiting for OP so he could pounce on her or harass her, so we can assume that all is well.

That old chestnut.
Men are at greater risk of violent crime because they are far more likely to be involved in criminal activities and also because men are far more likely to get into fights when drinking every weekend up and down the country. A man out walking alone at night is less likely to be attacked than a woman doing the same thing.

And if she has a knife and stabs him whilst he's bending down and has his back to her? Or if she picks up a big thick branch and smashes him over the head with it?

Remember that she's already acted very oddly by suddenly changing direction and following close behind him - this is a suspicious thing for anybody to do, man or woman.

Although based purely on biology, it's usually the other way around, it's ridiculous to say that men can never be at risk from women who have a weapon or take them unawares. Yes, he's probably stronger than her normally; but likely not so much once he has a knife hanging out of his back or concussion from a rock.

It does sound like he was creeped out by a strange woman following him and he stopped and pretended to look in his backpack to avoid confrontation.
Obviously men don't have the same concerns as women in this situation but it doesn't mean they have no concerns at all. He might have thought he was going to vet an unwelcome proposition or that the OP was a looney who picked him for a rant!

What this conversation might be is healing for anyone who was blamed for their abuse. Why did you comply, why didn’t you get to safety, why did you go there etc.
even if you do the ‘right’ things, you will still be blamed and the man will be put first. It is not you. It is endemic. And the responses in this thread are why women are silenced, ignore their red flags and end up with dicks - and then are criticised for not choosing right.
you cannot fucking win

This is getting beyond parody!

I'd Chat GPT that one, too (I'm thinking a furious, heads-down CHARGE!!! at the man, perhaps with joust-like hiking stick held dangerously aloft?)... but think my own slip into rather hypocritical ridicule of the extraordinary turn this has all taken shows it's time for me to go.

Look after yourself, OP. Posters are right that odds are, women are fine in the kind of situation you describe. But rest assured that many of us here respect your (and, quite incredibly, also men's) right to gauge how safe you feel and act accordingly. And recognise that, for women, an experience like this, whether rightly or wrongly judged, can have a lasting effect. Try not to let it. :)