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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to stick to the court order?

40 replies

carah27 · 20/03/2026 20:29

My child’s father took me to court after being absent from their life for a prolonged period.

There is an interim court order for a set number of sessions in a contact centre, on a set day every week, supervised, pending Cafcass report and further hearing…

After 1 session, child’s father has advised he is unable to make a third of the remaining sessions… quite a chunk.

He says it is due to work, and wants those sessions moved so he can still see our child.

He picked the contact centre and the dates. I was very flexible when this was being hashed out in court as he’s accused me of making contact difficult before.

From my side, contact broke down previously because he was unreliable with times and dates.

AIBU to want to stick to the court order and say no?

OP posts:
Driftingawaynow · 20/03/2026 21:20

I’ve spent a hideous amount of time in the family court. I hate to say it, but I think you could make yourself look really bad by rigidly sticking to times when he has tried to renegotiate.

I would not refuse to change them on principle. Obv if it’s not possible for you that’s different but the court will prioritise contact over what’s fair on you. They won’t care he is changing it, they will care if they think you are not bending over backwards to make it work

SpryCat · 20/03/2026 21:07

Stick to the dates on the court order and if he wants them moved then he will have to go back to court to change them.
He’s trying to mess you about to feel in control but if he chose the dates then keeps going back to court continuously to change them then it shows how unreliable he is.
Keep calm, say you’re sticking to the dates on the court order and turn up on those days until he gets the dates changed via court. He could be trying to make you think he won’t be there so you don’t go and make it look like you are ignoring court order.

Original poster
carah27 · 20/03/2026 20:59

I have work, other children (not with him) and commitments that I’ve had to shuffle around to be able to get my child to the contact centre for the sessions and dates he’s picked. This has meant calling in some favours etc to make it work. As I’m afraid of being called obstructive. So I will admit I am a little annoyed that he’s done this already, it feels like we are right back where we were years ago where everything had to revolve around him and his whims.

OP posts:
CarrierbagsAndPJs · 20/03/2026 20:57

RandomMess · 20/03/2026 20:41

I would stick to the court order else it seems likely he will push and push.

Exactly. He is trying to control you through the child.

Absolutely stick to the court order.

Easterbunnyishotandcross · 20/03/2026 20:56

Cafcass ime are fucking useless.. Take your dc to the contact centre. Take pics of you both inside the doorway. Keep details of arrival /time you left..
Keep details of who you spoke to.
Ime vital details can be missed from reports. You need evidence you did everything expected of you.

INeedAnotherName · 20/03/2026 20:54

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 20/03/2026 20:50

See what the CAFCASS officer suggests. It’s important they don’t think you’re obstructive.

Why? She's following the judge's orders which were based on Ex's suggestions and wants. She doesn't need to involve anyone else at this stage except to turn up at the contact centre on those set dates.

Original poster
carah27 · 20/03/2026 20:53

Talking to Cafcass is a good idea as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
carah27 · 20/03/2026 20:53

We don’t have any contact at all, my address and contact details are confidential right now but that may change in future depending on what the court decides. It is all through solicitors at the moment.

I will 100% be turning up, even if I know he’s probably not going to show.

I am just disappointed a little as I hoped the fact that he went to the trouble of court may have meant he was serious about stepping up/maybe he’d changed etc.

My solicitor is away this week so I haven’t been able to go through this with him, but wanted to see what opinion on here was.

All I ever wanted was consistency and stability for my child. If it was so important I can’t see why he couldn’t change work, rather than make our child work around him for something so crucial.

OP posts:
Easterbunnyishotandcross · 20/03/2026 20:52

Ime hold your nerve op.

The court order or he takes it back to be changed. And explains why he ballsed it up.

INeedAnotherName · 20/03/2026 20:51

You stick to the court order. Otherwise you could risk being in contempt and/or upsetting the judge and that is something you really don't want to be doing. If he wants to change that court order then he needs to go back to court. I mean.. he does know how to do that so it shouldn't be that difficult for him surely 😃

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 20/03/2026 20:50

See what the CAFCASS officer suggests. It’s important they don’t think you’re obstructive.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 20/03/2026 20:49

He picked the contact centre and the dates

Make sure you turn up at the appropriate dates and have proof eg signature from the staff. Then you’ve got even more proof…..

he’s accused me of making contact difficult before

…..that it isn’t you making things difficult.

I would also look into using one of those texting apps that I’ve seen recommended, rather than texting which I imagine can be selectively deleted.

Thelongestcovid · 20/03/2026 20:45

Yes hold the boundary. If he wants to dick about with dates he can do that in court. Make it clear to the contact centre that you are willing and ready to make DC available at each date in the court order. Get a paper trail of everything.

RandomMess · 20/03/2026 20:41

I would stick to the court order else it seems likely he will push and push.

Vaxtable · 20/03/2026 20:40

If he chose the dates he can go back and get them changed, as long as you can do them

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