AIBU to find 'feel free to still go' rude and condescending?

YANBU

Your friend is s a CF. Instead of apologising and asking to rearrange with you, she's saying you have permission to still go to the venue without her. Who does she think she is?

She's not much of a friend. The fact she waited to let you know she double booked herself only when you messaged her is rude of her.

I'd be tempted to message her and say, "Thanks for letting me know at such short notice. Have a lovely day 😊" I wouldn't bother contacting her again after that. Your friend is rude and thoughtless and is all about herself. The fact she double booked herself then chose the other event says it all.

I don’t find saying that is rude but the double booking and cancelling is

That bit of her reply isn’t the rude bit it’s that she only let you know she wasn’t coming when you messaged her so hadn’t bothered to book anything or put it in her diary after arranging it with you. That’s the bit I’d be upset about not the waffly end bit of her reply

@Crazystupididea

In the bit where she explained about the "double booking" did she say sorry? I can't imagine that she didn't.

Yes, it’s particularly rude because the event is booked and paid for. Of course you’re still going to go anyway, regardless of whether she’s coming or not, because you don’t want to waste the money.

If it was something that hadn’t been booked and paid for, then it’s possibly a little less rude, as there might have been a conversation along the lines of “shall we go Sunday instead?” etc and the “feel free to go without me” is just letting you know that there is no need for that, she’s not interested in going.

Of course, it’s rude that she’s bailed anyway, and especially that she didn’t let you know in advance but waited until you messaged her to confirm the time.

I don't think anyone's reading it as a "command" - it really is a permission, as OP and others have said.

I'm not sure if I'd be overly offended, but I might jokingly say "that's awfully gracious of you, dear" to take the piss a bit.

I'd be annoyed at her flakiness and would be unlikely to make future arrangements with her.

I'd still take the kids anyway.

This. Text her and ask her, say you've another (nicer) friend who wants to go, and could she sell her the tickets??

Rude that she didn't apologise. I wouldn't have read anything into the "feel free to go.." phrase. I've used it before, but not to "give my permission" (wtf) but to indicate there's no expectation on my part for them to hold off on previously-planned trips, just because I can't make it.

I'm trying to think of a better way to phrase it now I know some people apparently read it as a command.

That. I'd be annoyed that she'd flaked and disappointed my kids, but the wording is pretty standard and I'd think nothing of it.

Not much of a friend is she, she should have apologised

I would be going back and saying don’t be so rude of course I am going to go. As this is not the first time you have let me down I won’t be asking you to anything again as me and the kids are obviously not as important as your other booking

i cant stand people who let others down last minute for a better offer

I don't buy anyone is scatty enough to double book two paid days out. She's clearly had a better offer. Absolute CF!

She’s not going to the same thing as OP.

The double booking sounds like an excuse, she’s accepted a better offer. Awful behaviour.

I think I would be more annoyed at her accepting a better offer and ditching you.

But yes, her phrasing is annoying. She should have been apologising to you for breaking a commitment, not condescend to you.

If she has genuinely just realised that she's double booked has she bought tickets for her family? Maybe you can get her tickets and take another friend - perhaps they would pay something towards them so she's not so out of pocket? Or is she talking shit, not bought tickets and just stringing you along until she got a better offer?

It simply means 'i wont be upset if you still go / I don't expect you to rearrange and wait for me'.

Let’s face it OP she’s had a better offer! Has she been flaky before? Are you aware of where you are on each others friendship hierarchy?

So what did you actually say to her? Did you ask why she was honouring the other booking of her double-booking, rather than her arrangement with you? Did you point out that you’d bought tickets and your children were disappointed?

It's a bit clunky but I guess she's just trying to say "don't feel you have to wait for me."

I'd be more pissed off that she'd double booked and left it to the last minute tbh.

Tbh i wouldn't be making any more plans with her, she should give you more notice unless its an emergency, but definitely apologise. She's got no manners frankly.

I see your point it is a bit condescending, like you'll wait another however many weeks until she may deign to accompany you.
Only she's so benevolent she's giving you permission not to.

Yeah I’d be tempted to reply “thanks for your permission hun 🙃 “

Yeh that’s annoying.