AIBU to want to stay with my child at a birthday party?

Ywbu for telling her you’d be bringing your 2 year old. They may not have room for another, they may not want a 2 year old changing the dynamic, they may not want to provide food and party bag for an extra (try telling a 2 year old they can’t join in). You can’t guarantee your toddler would be asleep. You need to decline the invite or drop your DC at the party.

If you aren't comfortable, it's fine to decline the invitation.
It was rude to say you'd be bringing your two year old to the party, you didn't even ask.

Why don’t you feel able to leave your child at the party? It would never have occurred to me that I should stay with a 5 year old.

Tbh I think you’re quite rude telling the other mum you will bring another child instead of at least asking. It’s not about activities or catering it’s about space. The mum handled her response well. If you’re not comfortable leaving your child then decline the invite.

The other mums response is exactly what I've seen suggested on here when invitees try to add invited siblings to parties, it's perfect

I'd have thought you q rude CF if id received your message

I don’t think dropping off is normal at 5 generally. Lots of kids get overwhelmed and need an adult. What I’ve found is that people start lift sharing through year 1/2 so there is an adult in charge of the child but not necessary every child having an adult. By juniors drop-off seems common.

That said, home parties can be a bit different. Often smaller and more like a play date but not necessarily (worst party we went to was a massive home party where there were lots of tears as mix of older siblings, not enough supervision, large inflatables).

OP- what I would have done is ask the host if parents were staying or dropping first. I 100% wouldn’t have said I’d be bringing a toddler with a smiley face. Inevitably they won’t nap and will end up joining in and being a bit of a pain.

You told the mum you’d have a toddler in tow not asked her if it would be alright to bring them . Rude

Party's at home generally mean limited space (unless you live in a mansion) especially at this time of year where the weather is still very changeable, so the garden may not be an overspill option. I'd find your reply telling the host you will have a toddler with you beyond rude, you should have replied asking if it was ok, if not you can't make it.

You need to politely decline and maybe apologise for assuming it was ok to invite extras. You've put the host in an awkward position, whatever you do don't reply "he'll be napping" 🙄.

I don’t work in child protection, and I’m not “paranoid” (I’m fairly pragmatic about risk) and there is no way my 4yo would be dropped off in a house full of unknown adults and children. Zero chance of that.

If childcare for the 2yo is impossible, then you will need to decline. These things happen, it’s not a big deal to politely decline an invitation - but you stick to your own standards and values @ThatWorthyMoose and don’t let anyone convince you to do something you don’t think is safe. Lots of us would agree.

A 2 year old is not a neutral presence at a birthday party and I'm afraid you've imposed yourself.

I'm really surprised at the amount of people that'd drop & go for a 5 year old party. Do you know who'll exactly be there? Parties are so busy and there's no way the host will have eyes on each child at all times. Not only from a safeguarding perspective is it dangerous (who else will be there?) but what if your DC gets upset for you?

I would be sitting this one out.

I think attitudes to drop and go have drastically changed across the last 10-15 years, as the amount of abuse cases reach the news.

Hyper vigilant - anxious. You expected to turn up with a pushchair as well. Just drop your child off OP and let them enjoy the party or don’t go at all. 🙄

Child protection job here too. Don't leave your kid there. If another mum is going that you know well then ask her to be responsible for your child at the party. Amount of kids parties I've taken kids to and then Seen they've got all the blokes in one room drinking etc. You don't know they don't have paedophile neighbours/ grandparents/ friends that will attend. I've had several foster children who had family members that groomed their school friends. Your child is the most precious thing in the world to you and totally irreplaceable..don't leave them with strangers.
Politely decline. Just say oh ok, I'm not comfortable leaving him yet. Hope your child has a lovely time. It's honest.

I have a 2 year old and he wouldn’t stay napping in a pushchair whilst a party was going on. It would also be pretty difficult and disruptive to tell him he couldn’t join in!

I think you should have asked if your youngest could come along and explained they would likely be asleep, rather than just telling them.

I would expect a 5th home party to be drop off though.

I doubt OP’s 2 year old will sleep on demand throughout the entire party. The toddler will want to join in and play and eat and that’s not fair on the birthday child or their parents.

Oh and don’t beat yourself up about the reply coming off rude. Having organised parties I’ve had people say the same - also asking to drop and run at 5 which was worse for us as we needed another set of eyes. Chalk it up to experience - we’re all just trying to get through this alive! If you think dc is mature enough to cope I would just say thank you very much not launch into a long explanation. Buy a nice present and it’ll all be forgotten.

From my own past experience: 5y old is too young to be left alone at the party- what is the host mum going to do when several children at once will want to go to toilet, wash hands, overturn cup with juice? Has she invited only her ‘friend-mums’? On the other hand, couple of mums with extra prams with their younger sleeping children will take all the hallway space.
Just decline the invite. There will be others.

One of mine napped until 3, the other one 18 months.

Just because your kid doesn’t nap, doesn’t mean every other one doesn’t. It’s common for children at 2.5 to still nap.

It sounds like you don’t know the Mum/family very well, and 5 is still very little and it’s hard to speak up for yourself at 5yo.
If you aren’t comfortable leaving your DC and he’s not particularly bothered about missing the party, then just say logistics don’t work out and wait until you know them better, or they all are a bit older, or there’s a party at a soft play.
I don’t think I left my DC at a party until year 2 or 3, it didn’t come up.
TBH I think the party hosts might regret not having parents there, a houseful of 5 year olds you don’t know very well sounds like a nightmare to manage.

I would just decline but YANBU. I wouldn’t let me 5 year old go without me either.

Also don’t buy the kid a present.