AIBU to want to stay with my child at a birthday party?

Maybe party mums house isn’t as big as yours? It’s not that hard to work out why she may not be able to fit in extra guests.

I don’t think you’re wrong for wanting to stay with your five year old. Totally the norm round here for parties. However, you really should have asked if it was OK first and especially when it comes to bringing another child, let alone a toddler! I have done home parties and always said no to extra kids as there simply isn’t room. I am also a lone parent and always check if it’s OK to bring an extra kid to a party if I can’t get childcare and never expect anything!

Do what’s best for you. IMHO party mum sounds unreasonable.

I had birthday parties every year for my 3 DC. Some at home, some in parks or hired places,

At 5, some parents dropped off and I cared for their kids as though they were my own (or asked my friends or family to): checked in they were OK, watched they didn’t wander off, made sure they were having a drink, washed their hands before eating etc.

However, at 5, lots of parents stayed for the parties, and brought siblings. Mostly younger siblings, sometimes older. Those parents cared for the siblings and were respectful enough not to let them intrude, eat the party food, expect treats etc. But I always made them feel welcome and let them join in the games if they wanted, offered food, drinks etc. Why wouldn’t I? They’re little children.

OP it was rude to just inform her you were bringing an extra kid to her actual house. Decline the invite or drop the kid and leave. Next time ask, don’t assume! Or youl be on the next CF thread on here

For the future, if you need to bring a sibling to a party then you ask. Your text was really quite rude; they’re having a party at their home, and you literally just told the mum that you’d be bringing a toddler. You can’t do that. You can ask, but you can’t just tell someone you’re doing it.

And no, you can take a toddler to a school aged party in someone’s home if they haven’t invited them, because their house won’t be set up for a toddler and most parents won’t be staying at that age in someone’s house so you don’t even need to be there.

I'm having flashbacks to a party I hosted years ago where there was a very PFB mum who waited in the car in the driveway for her 8 year old (I didn't know she was there). After the party she emailed me to say that her DD had been very upset that she hadn't won a big prize (there were no big prizes) so next party she would send her DD with a big prize and I should present it to her when the birthday child got his present 🤣

I can see why you wouldn't want to leave a 5 year old at a party at someone's house you don't really know. I wouldnt have at that age and I don't think drop and go is always the case for that age as this is when a lot of parents use the time to meet other parents.

I can see it though that if they are doing a house party then they will be short of space unless they live in a big house. I did go to a party when my daughter was 6 at someone's house and all parents stayed which I don't think she was expecting (she did say parents were welcome to stay but I think she thought we would all leave).

I think you went about it the wrong way though in your reply and would have got their backs up. You didn't explain your situation and ask whether it would be ok to bring your toddler, instead you replied thanking them for the invite saying you would also be bringing a toddler! If you had worded it differently about 5 year old being quite young/sensitive, wondered if it would be ok to stay to check they settled, but you would have a toddler then maybe they would have been more understanding.
Also they don't know that you weren't expecting the toddler to join in. You say they would be asleep, but how? Where? Would you be holding them in your arms?! Would the noise also wake them and then what would you do if they kept running off towards their sibling and you had to keep saying no?

You should have asked first, can't just invite yourself and toddler to stay. What if everyone did the same? I wouldn't want extra parents and/or siblings in the house if I were hosting a child's party. The only time I did have a parent stay they had asked in advance. If any more had stayed I would have had no room for the party kids!

Don't 7 year olds sort out their own issues between each other. How do you ' advocate' for them? Genuinely curious.

She most likely doesn’t have room in her house for all the parents and extra siblings, yabu. You were rather rude not to ask first too.

On balance to the pages and pages of people dragging you for the message about your toddler, I wish we’d all give each other grace. It was a bit of a faux pas, yes, but haven’t we all fumbled this stuff occasionally? God I know I have and do on the daily.

I have had countless requests about bringing a sibling in the past and yes I have found it cheeky at the time, but I also did my best to accommodate because people have lives and parties are a drag to accommodate.
Years on, I don’t remember any of the parents who asked if they could bring a sibling and I think I’ve come to realise that we’re all just trying to figure it out, under pressure, and those parents were actually trying to show up for my child.
Finally. I wouldn’t have left 5yos in that situation either. I don’t know anyone else who would either.
Ultimately, you do what you think is best or you and your son.

What does he need to advocate for at a children's birthday party?

No way a toddler is gonna nap at a party of excited screaming 5yrs !

while I get you didn’t mean to come across as rude. You did by inviting self

mn is 50/50 on siblings. Many say no issue and bring along. More the merrier

im the other boat and invited child only

even if you hire a hall you dont want 10 siblings joining adding extra food costs etc

so either you drop off and take for a walk in buggy or your 5yr Goes alone

give them the choice if need be. Party and no mum. Or no party

I get your worridness but very unlikely anything is going to happen in 2hrs in someone home with all kids running about together

I don't blame you. My ds is 7 and I have yet to leave him at a party alone. IMO he is still too young to advocate for himself alone with strange adults. I don't feel bad about being overprotective and he hasn't missed out on anything; he's been to plenty of parties. But it's a personal choice. Don't feel bad either way.

They really aren’t where I live. Drop and go parties from Y2 onwards. EYFS and Y1 have been 100% parents stay.

The host mum will presumably tell the children where the toilet is and expect them to go (and wash their own hands) when they need to. They are 5, not 2, and unless she lives in a mansion, the toilet is going to be a few metres away.

If multiple children start spilling juice, the juice will be taken off them. As it's a home party there won't be that many children anyway. And somehow the teacher manages a class of 30 of them at school ...

I don't have space in my house for buggies indoors, why would you assume it's ok to bring a pram into someone's house? That's just being a nuisance, imagine if 3 or 4 other invitees also wanted to do the same. You just go for a walk/drive and let your toddler nap then pick up your ds, or else decline.

You were incredibly rude just to announce that you'd be bringing another child.

you can’t force yourself and another child on people so you either decline the invite or let your 5year old go alone. Most 5year olds go for tea after school with friends it’s not unusual to not have parents.

Bear in mind that at 4 your DC might not want to be dropped off anyway. At that age my elder child would have been fine but my younger child didn’t really like being left even at 6

I agree with this. I also think it was very rude not to ask and just assume you could take a toddler along.

So, you have a 4 year old and a one year old. The 4 year old can be left or you can decline the invitation. Alternatively you could have asked if it was ok to bring the one year old. Just announcing you will be bringing them is entitlement at its best!

Neither of my children would have let me leave them age 4 at a party (there would be a lot of tears). I do think you probably worded the message clumsily and a 2 year old is unlikely to sleep throughout the whole thing and will want to play.

Are any other parents going? Could you ask one of those to keep an eye on your 4 year old if they are?

I had a similar age gap and once I knew parents better it got easier and they often invited both children to bigger parties (as I did with their children).

There's just no way I'd leave my not quite 5 year old in a house with people i don't really know. I don't know anyone who would?! I don't think you're being cheeky either, just worded the response ambiguously perhaps. She thinks you're a CF though. I'd just decline politely and not give it a second thought.