AIBU to want to stay with my child at a birthday party?

It would’ve been polite and appropriate to ask whether you could bring your toddler. Stating your intentions with a little smiley comes across as a bit entitled (if that’s the word). Appreciate they probably wasn’t the intention.

No, I dont!

I think that is a good strategy actually.

And yes, I do think the days of ‘going round to tea’ are long gone!

My five year olds (OK now 6) don't go round their mates house for tea. Is that really a thing at 5?

Anyway op, I'd probably go with a "sorry, didn't mean to imply she'd be joining in, fully expect her to be napping in her pram at that time but if you're sore you're happy to have him, I'll talk to him tonight".

It clarified you weren't being a CF, gives one last opportunity for her to decide if she will let you come and gives you holding space to talk to DS and make it about his comfort rather than your distrust

First lesson. You do not bring siblings along to home parties unless the host has explicitly said siblings welcome. Your RSVP was cheeky, a 2yd old will not nap at this party, they will want to join in. 2 year olds will change the vibe of the party and is possibly not the only younger sibling of your boys friend group whose parents might want to tag them along.

It is up to you regarding sending your child and collecting later. How likely is your little boy to be happy about being left? Could you find someone else to mind the sibling? If not your little boy will just have to miss out this time.

I don’t think I would to be honest, unless it was a sort of prearranged babysitting arrangement which I haven’t really done but can see how it might occur.

For those of you who wouldn't leave your (5 year old) child at a party, I presume you leave them if they go to a friend's house for tea after school or to play during the day?

Yeah and I get that but it is unlikely and I do think it’s a bit churlish to just refuse given that the OPs DH is away. But it’s her call ultimately.

I don't think the OP needs more and more people piling on telling her she is rude. I'm guessing she assumed it was okay to stay because that's what's always happened (her kid is only 4). It might also have been taken as rude if she'd assumed she could just drop off. The other mum gave a straightforward reply so I'm sure she's not mortally offended.

I agree that 4/5 is very borderline for leaving them. It depends on a lot of things: what your child is like, how well you know the family, how many people will be there etc. I think it was around 5/6 that more people started dropping off but as others have said, if another parent was staying I'd sometimes ask them to keep an eye (and return the favour at another party).

I'm sure he'll be okay if you do drop off but equally I don't think it's the end of the world to opt out of this one - in a year or so you'll probably feel happier with dropping off.

Where did you plan for your 2 year old to nap? And have you never taken a toddler to a place with loads of kids and noise? They tend to get overstimulated and play, not nap. So you’d have been chasing them around trying timo keep them out the way of the actually invited kids and the activity.

Are people aware of the stats re CSA? Most happens from people kids know.

I never leave my dc at parties etc, I always attend, if the host is ok with it. If not, we don’t go (never had this yet). It’s not about anxiety, or being a helicopter parent. It’s about a real threat posed by men and older boys. And I know many parents who agree with me.

Is it really worth the risk???

I think you were unbelievably rude to assume you could make this a family activity. If you (or actually… if your child) isn’t comfortable with a dropoff then politely decline.

Where we live, parties just naturally became mostly dropoff for 5. My son turned 5 the summer before starting school and we had a home party. 8 kids I think and one parent asked to stay (he had a rough time as his dad had just died). So of course that was fine and she was a huge help. Outside this one child who had separation anxiety for a few years, I haven’t either stayed at a party or had anyone stay at ours since school started so I would have assumed it was a dropoff and make my decision from there.

It is never appropriate to bring a 2 year old to a home party though so that’s a separate issue altogether. Tiny baby, sure but not a toddler or older.

Glad you have decided to drop and leave. If the weather is nice, you could hang around in a local park or shops with toddler.

If she says yes to everyone in your situation she will triple her people in her home numbers. Either drop off or don't. I don't think it should matter that you don't know this Mum inside out. Either trust her to host the party and drop your child, or don't!

I just used to drop and run in such scenarios, it would only usually be two hours. I'd pop somewhere and have 1:1 with two year old. Unfortunately you can't be with them always and protect them always, sometimes you have to take a very very very low risk. Also it does them good to learn to not be too reliant on you.

You haven't addressed the fact that you were really cheeky to just invite your 2 year old along without asking. Instead you've tried to justify and explain it. Maybe that's something you should work on in your therapy.

Why is there always a back story on these threads. Just leave your child! It’s what everyone does. Then go out with toddler. I don’t think you should ask someone else to take account of your insecurities and your DS deserves to go to the party. Find a way to let him go and be like other children.

You're not being unreasonable at all. I'd say Reception is too young for a drop and go party. I don't think we had them until Y2. As a parent I wouldn't want to be in sole charge of so many 4 and 5 year olds (and I'm a teacher!)

If it was a parent I knew well e.g. had chatted to at length on a number of occasions and visited their home before I might consider it but other than that I'd be giving it a miss.

I would be dropping and leaving, assuming child is happy to stay without you.

Around here the rules tend to be:
4th birthdays parents stay
6th birthdays parents leave
5th birthdays are a grey area but it tends to be venue-dependent, so at a house more likely to drop, but out somewhere more likely to stay

I did this with one of mine, dropped him off at the house. I didn't know the mum but DS knew all the children at the house party so I trusted he would be fine and he was. From memory I had a newborn baby to look after at that point. You have to learn to relax as your issues will rub off on your DC. It's only a couple of hours remember!

Of course, but if every invitee assumes this you could end up with 15 mums and toddlers in prams!

It was a one-bed flat with a big kitchen.

However, if there’s clearly not room and they’re in the way, you go for a walk around the block or pop to a cafe for an hour.

You must have a big house if you can host party children, one parent each and siblings too. A lot of people don't have that luxury and this would put a lot of stress on the host.

You were extremely cheeky to say you’d have 2 year old with you, and assuming you’d be being the pushchair in too. 😱
You need to either drop and go, or not attend. I think not attending is a bit extreme.
I say this as someone who is ‘over cautious’ and no sleepovers until 14 etc. There will be lots of mums there, it’s for a short while and will be fairly structured , different games etc.

To be fair one extra toddler is unlikely to lead to dangerous levels of overcrowding; it seems more about making a point than anything else.