AIBU to want to stay with my child at a birthday party?

Would you have a party in the home though?

You can’t invite yourself and another child along to a birthday party being thrown in someone’s home.

My oldest is in y1 and it's still the norm for parents to stay for parties and playdates.
At a house party I'd expect it to be limited space and I think bringing a buggy would be a huge imposition. I've found it awkward needing a buggy for a sibling on playdates never mind a party.
I'll accommodate siblings where possible, for close friends I'll make it clear they are welcome, for more distant invitees, I've usually had a "sorry to ask but struggling for childcare can sibling come?" or "we'd love to come but just trying to arrange childcare for sibling so will let you know ASAP" which I think is a great way of phrasing it without "asking".
If I were you I'd politely decline and apologise for the imposition then word the question a bit more delicately next time.

If you choose to say no to this party, do everything you can to prevent it happening again. Get to know the other parents in your class better, so next time he can go with someone you trust. Offer reciprocal childcare to people so you can ask in return for them to look after your toddler, for example.

You are isolated and it isnt fair to make your childcare and anxiety someone else's problem (the host by adding extra people to her invite or your DSs by him missing out).

Nobody expects you to blindly trust everyone but you do need to build up a bank of people you do trust. This would be a non issue if you knew and trusted other mums to take DS to the party for you.

Thinking if this was my own house - a very standard 3 bed terrace - if we’d invited 10 children to a small birthday party we would not be able to fit 10 parents in the house with their small children. We absolutely couldn’t fit someone else’s pram in the house anywhere.

Maybe you should just decline this one if you don’t want to drop off.

I think YABU but also in your defence 5 is a bit an awkward age in terms of staying/leaving at parties, or even in general. I definitely had to double check a lot around that age whether it was drop-off or not (actually usually not at that point). I do remember having a party for my daughter where some people brought siblings and I felt really awkward that they couldn't have anything to eat because they hadn't been catered for. So apart from anything always ask rather than tell as the host probably feels really awkward now.

I think you may well have annoyed her announcing your toddler was coming and not asking.

She just hasn't got the space for an extra child and adult. If you had say a small party for six children. That would be six extra in your house. But if they each brought a sibling and parent that's 18 extra in your house. So either leave your child or you can't go.

The norm now is that most parents are working and children are with their friends at wraparound until 5.30/6pm and they eat there.

My DD prefers that tbh as she has everyone to play with a choice of food. She complains if I have to pick her up directly from end of school day as “club” is apparently brilliant. So much so that she does 2 sessions a week that I don’t actually need for childcare. I try not to be offended that she likes it so much….

Wow, I'm really surprised there are so many who wouldn't leave their 5 year olds for a couple of hours with a friend from school. Things must have really changed in the last 20 years (as some other posters have also said)

When my two were younger, once they had friends from playgroup, pre-school then school, we'd have them over and mine would go over there - the parents would never tag along. We did this from age 3 (with closer friends where I knew the parents relatively well) then when they were at school so age 4 or 5 upwards, you'd chat to the parent briefly in the playground and the children would be invited after school for tea.

“we would love to be there! Our little boy can’t wait. As dad is away, I’ll have toddler in tow :)”

This is so unbelievably cheeky! This is exactly what people do when they want to railroad over others to get their own way, instead of asking if it was okay (and giving her room to say no), you have stated it as fact, in the hopes that she would find it too awkward to say no.

I'm glad she's told you straight.

Personally, I would decline the invitation, but I am well aware that I need to chill out a bit and stop seeing potential harm to my child everywhere! 😂

I don't think there is particularly a right or wrong answer. It's just what you're comfortable with.

This. Speaking from experience of a suspected Paedo neighbour.
He’s well known and lots of neighbours still hang out with him and their kids! So….. never leave your kids or assume your neighbours with respectful jobs are good people. I would be very upset if I realised he was at a party my child was at cause we have kids the same age.

Exactly this

I think it depends on your child, if they are happy for you to go, are totally self sufficient with toileting etc then I would drop and go.
It also depends on how well you know the child/parents.
My child has 4/5 friends he mentions all the time, I chat to their parents on the school run.
If they had a birthday party at their house (which no one does here) he would be happy to stay on his own and I’d be happy to leave him.
If it’s a friend that isn’t in his close circle and I don’t know who the parents are/have never met them then I would decline if I couldn’t stay if needed.
My youngest child is the same age and all the parties we’ve been to since starting school have always been in halls, soft play etc and everyone has a parent that stays usually. Sometimes one parent will
bring 2 of them because their children are obviously best friends and the parents know each other well.
My middle child was happy to left at parties without me as soon as he started school as super independent, but I stayed until he was about 7 which seemed to be when other parents dropped them off and left.

Certainly not. And if other parents have an issue with it, they can leave their kids at our place, or meet at a park. We’ve never had an issue, at least no comments to us. And I really couldn’t give two hoots if other parents think we’re weird, at least my dc are safe. 🤷‍♀️

Things change, is all. There are things about modern life that are better than forty years ago and things that are worse, depending on how you look at it. But to be honest I’m not totally sure four and five year olds were routinely playing unsupervised at friends’ homes even when I was a child and I am 45. Unless it was part of a reciprocal babysitting arrangement.

I'm really sad to read posts like this. I didn't realise that things had changed so much in the last couple of decades. Going round to each others houses after school and having tea, was absolutely the norm when my (now adult) children were young.

5 year olds get left generally

I’d certainly leave a five year old if the five year old was ok with it

It’s her call it’s her home. I was always theoretically chilled about it but at the expense of shredded nerves. If you aren’t a close friend I wouldn’t explore it further and do a nice treat for the three of you

I don’t see anything wrong with parents staying at that age and would stay myself due to DC issues. I would however think your RSVP was very cheeky! You didn’t even ask!

My kids are older, but at five years old it was absolutely normal to be left, especially where the party was at a house. Who has room for parents as well as the kids at a home party? Not to mention that they'd all be in the way half the time. I can't think of anything worse than trying to wrangle party children while having the parents distracting me and trying to chat.

Not yet no, she is Y1 and playdates are accompanied. We don’t do going round for tea as all the kids are at school until 5:30 but we do weekend playdates.
I would be happy to leave her at her good friends houses now but I don’t because I am also good friends with the mums, so we chat and eat biscuits while they play. It’s as much a social event for me as her.

Also it may make a difference that we are in a rural area, friends can be 30-40 mins drive away. No-one wants to be doing extra journeys.

Thank you for what you did for society and those children at that time. Your reaction about your own child is completely understandable.