AIBU to want to stay with my child at a birthday party?

I’d just stay parked up outside then you’re right there and toddler can nap

And seventeen years ago people had grades rather than numbers at GCSE, we were still in the EU, Gordon Brown was PM and everyone had blackberries. Things change.

Honestly parties are a minefield 🤣
I also work in child protection so I am quite paranoid tbf. That first time leaving them was hard. I would say he can come but you give them your number and walk your napping child around in the pram away from the venue. Have a look on google maps and see if there is a costa or something nearby so you can have a coffee while you wait. Once my kids had been successfully left once they rarely wanted me there again 🤣

I always stayed with DC1 at parties until they were 7. I’d been at parties that were drop offs and always noticed far too many opportunities for kids to get lost/wander off and I wanted to wait until DC was old enough to 100% know that’s not what you do. DC1 is very trustworthy but they were also very young. I’d say if you’re not comfortable OP then don’t send them.

Yes, exactly this.

You were a bit clumsy and assumed. I would apologise and back track on tagging along. In my experience parents do not stay at house parties. It’s a learning curve op for sure.

Whilst I understand DC not being mature enough to be left (I would only leave DS from about 8 as he needs supervision) you should have said "I cant come because of toddler" and left it open for her to say ok or bring the toddler.

Fwiw I have had multi child playdates from reception where I have 5 or so kids over to play unaccompanied (but they are girls so relatively sensible 🤣🤣) and I would drop and go on playdates from reception.

I think you would be better off just declining the invitation.

I think you should say a family matter has come up rather than saying, hinting or implying that your boy can't go because you and the toddler can't stay because that would really be an attempt to make her feel bad and why should she.

Agree with other PP, you were very cheeky and that smiley face at the end of your text would have had me spitting feathers!

It's not 40 years ago those is it? My DS was dropped off at parties at 5. That was 17 years ago not 40

If you think your child might get upset or difficult make sure you leave a contact number and say you will be happy to come back if necessary. The first time you leave them is a bit of a step in the dark.

Wint it be mostly the kids he goes yo sxhool with every day? Why do you need to be there?

The only option if you refuse to leave your 5 year old at a party for a few hours is that he doesn't go. Not to invite your 2 year old as well who will absolutely want to join in.

Wonder why it's suddenly a no no. None of the parents stayed at parties unless they were personal mates of the birthday child's mother if it was at home when my kids were younger

Me too. However it's the done thing now to stay with your children at a party. I didn't realise that as my parents always just dropped me off and picked me up again after so I assumed it was the same now.
First party my DD went to and I obviously stayed because all the other parents were there.
I left her at a few parties from about Y1 but that was because I had to due to other commitments. Then by Y2 it seemed it was okay to drop and go.
The poster who said about a child being groomed, that's not likely to happen at a 2: hour party, being groomed builds up gradually and most adults are perfectly safe to be around.

OP, I say this as kindly as I can because you're clearly anxious, but that message from you would have infuriated me.

I don't know if the parents are expecting other parents to hang out. When I did parties at home I was always keen for parents NOT to stay because frankly, it just adds to the chaos and then I have to cater for them. But I appreciated that sometimes they DID have to. But to bring a 2 year old? Of course the 2 year old won't sleep through it. And even if he did, where is this pram going to sit in their house? And there's always some drama and distraction as the parent of the two year old asks for somewhere to change a nappy or as he tries ot eat the birthday boy's cake or insists on running into the party.

Sorry, that was totally rude of you so you need to either drop your child, or you need to not let him attend. Another option is that if you believe another child's parent WILL be there and you know that parent, ask them to keep an eye on your DS. It's always helpful to have another family you trust in these situations anyway so that you can share the lifting for parties etc ove the next few years!

I think your message to the mum was so cheeky tbh. I think her response was fair. You cannot just announce you’re bringing another child. You would have had a different response had you have asked and explained the situation.
That being said, I wouldn’t leave my 5 year old at a party. I guess my advise it to sit this one out

Maybe Covid had something to do with it but I do think that’s very unusual to be honest. Apart from anything else it’s a lot for one person to manage solo.

It was my son's 5th birthday. He was starting school later that year so it was nursery and family friends. Just past covid so maybe parents were used to not being around for things.

Of the 10 kids, one parent stayed but that child had just lost his father and was struggling a lot. She asked first and of course that was no problem at all. No one else asked at all, just dropped off.

How old were they? I get that it sounds like I’m nitpicking but I do think most parents would stay, plus the children. And then every so often you get both parents coming: would you refuse one entry? Its fair enough if the mum didn’t want the toddler; it’s her home but when you do have a party things like this happen and it’s a shame to be so dogmatic about it at the expense of very young children.

No. Certainly not at 4.

I did. Our current house is bigger but our older house was a 3 bed terrace so there was enough space for 10 kids but nowhere for anyone else. Was chaotic but lovely and only one child had a parent who stayed at the party I'm thinking of.

Most people I know are at work so it's not that common to have kids just come round after school. Until recently, my kids were in after school club anyway.

However I love a dropoff and was delighted when this became a thing. With good friends they were playing at each other's houses from nursery but it was the norm from primary school.

What a ridiculous statement.

I can remember being dropped off at a friends party as a young child (older than 4/5) and the dad was very creepy. I didn’t understand why but was worried about making sure my underwear wasn’t on show.

Savile and Harris would sexually assault children in live tv with no fear of being caught out. To say that a child can’t be sexually abused at a kids party is ridiculous. It may be unlikely but the op has worked in child protection so knows that even the unlikely is possible.

Her DC would be more vulnerable because A) she and don’t know the family well and B) at 4, most children would still struggle to know what is and isn’t appropriate from an adult in authority and to find the vocabulary to tell a parent.

If I was in that situation I wouldn’t drop off until older, unless I knew one parent very well. I’m quite surprised how many would happily do this.

I didn’t leave mine until…actually, she’s nearly 10 and I’ve never left her at a party 😂. We’ve always been given the option to stay, and there’s no way she would have let me leave her before the age of 8. She isn’t into parties that much and gets anxious. She’s much better now she’s getting older.

But to assume you could just bring the sibling is where you’ve gone wrong here OP.

I agree. In my experience as a mum, grandma and teacher, it’s typical that a parent stays at a party at this young age.

I do think it was a bit cheeky to presume you could take a sibling. If you didn’t have anyone to leave them with, the invite should have been reluctantly declined.