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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to want to stay with my child at a birthday party?

235 replies

ThatWorthyMoose · 20/03/2026 02:13

Hi MN,

My eldest (almost 5) has been invited to a 5th birthday party at a friends home in the upcoming weeks. My husband will be away for work, so I will have almost 5 year old and almost 2 year old with no other option for child care
I messaged the mum of the birthday-boy and said “we would love to be there! Our little boy can’t wait. As dad is away, I’ll have toddler in tow :)”
Mum replied “oh, due to numbers we can’t add an extra, but your child is welcome to stay and you can collect him after”.
i completely appreciate for catering/activities or whatever they have planned birthday-boy has probably chosen the few friends he would like to be there… but I wasn’t really expecting almost 2 year old to participate (it’s during regular nap window so she’ll probably be asleep in the pram for the duration anyway).
How should I respond? I don’t really feel comfortable leaving our little boy there alone as I have only met the school mums socially at school and wouldn’t want to lump the responsibility on anyone else

*I will add I worked in child protection as a graduate about 15 years ago and am probably hyper sensitive in most situations

OP posts:
Jk987 · 20/03/2026 02:46

i agree with going for a walk and leaving your phone number with the host.

Jk987 · 20/03/2026 02:44

The host definitely thinks you’re expecting her to cater for and include the toddler in the celebrations.

ShetlandishMum · 20/03/2026 02:42

Go for a walk with child in a stroller while the birthday is on. I did that quite often.

Toddlerteaplease · 20/03/2026 02:42

There may well be other ‘toddlers in tow’ in pushchairs. The hosts probably can’t accommodate multiple siblings and pushchairs. Just drop him off.

JMSA · 20/03/2026 02:38

WellThatsAlrightThen · 20/03/2026 02:25

As the party was at home I think you should have asked if ot was ok to bring another child, not just said you would. Just reply that you’re sorry you won’t be able to make it. Don’t mention your other child will be napping as it sounds like you’re trying to make her change her mind.

This.

Putitinanenvelope · 20/03/2026 02:29

I would think it very unlikely that your toddler would sleep through the noise from a bunch of excited 5yr olds so there’s that but even if they did, you can’t just assume there will be space for a pram for them to sleep in a house already hosting a birthday party, have you even been to the house could it be a flat with stairs that would be even worse. So you either say no to the invitation or drop off your 5 yr old it’s a straight forward decision really.

WellThatsAlrightThen · 20/03/2026 02:25

As the party was at home I think you should have asked if ot was ok to bring another child, not just said you would. Just reply that you’re sorry you won’t be able to make it. Don’t mention your other child will be napping as it sounds like you’re trying to make her change her mind.

Wizardonabroom · 20/03/2026 02:20

You could politely decline the invitation and do something nice with your DS and 2yr old at home/out and about instead.

The other option is to have faith that there are a fair number of other parents staying at the party (I assume) so the likelihood of anything untoward happening is low. This is also reliant on your DS being happy for you to leave him.

Only you know what you are comfortable with but you have every right to want reassurances about your DCs safety with adults you're not as familiar with.

Funparsnip · 20/03/2026 02:18

If that’s how you feel then I’d just send a polite reply and explain you don’t feel comfortable leaving him so therefore he will be unable to attend but make a point that you weren’t expecting 2 year old to join in/would be napping in pram as she probably thinks you’re being cheeky!

delna · 20/03/2026 02:17

I think you have to decline the invitation or leave him. I didn't have room for parents/ siblings to stay at that age either.