DP says I'd look younger with hair and make-up, AIBU?

Even calling it "putting on a face". What's wrong with my actual face?

Why is my bare face considered offensive? What is about being clean and tidy but unadorned that suggests a lack of care of oneself?

We've been through most of this. The basic answer is that people who don't put makeup on all the time don't care enough about what you/people like you think constitutes basic pride in appearance, when they're not in a position of sufficient influence over you that their opinion matters. Your feelings aren't relevant, in the nicest possible way.

Work might be different, I get that. An employer can make your life harder than some random who sees you nipping out to buy milk. And a person might have good reason why they don't want their boss to see them looking ill.

In terms of partner though, I wouldn't feel I had to try and look not ill for DH if I am ill. You don't say it came from your DP, so I don't want to be too critical of them. But wherever that expectation came from in the relationship, I'd find it undesirable.

Why the absolute fuck should anyone else feel obligated to spruce themselves up for their partner when they're sick? Get that to fuck 😅

Male grooming is an expectation to be clean and sometimes tidy. It's basically hygiene. Makeup and hair styling isn't that.

This! I dragged myself off my sick bed yesterday to get in the shower and put on a basic face before a Teams call. It also meant that I didn't have a bare face and looked like shit when my partner got in - why wouldn't one take some basic pride in their appearance?

I've never been anywhere where dress codes are a thing and couldn't give a stuff if strangers don't like my clothes. I'm too busy being in agonising pain and trying to care for others and myself without going round the bend.

Men aren't expected to wear makeup so why should I?

I don't understand the anti makeup brigade.
I'm not anti it per se. I'm uninterested in it. What I am anti is the notion that not using it is somehow letting yourself down and indicates a lack of care about yourself or when it becomes something anyone feels too insecure to be in public without.

Shifting cultural expectations are fascinating. Think of the Wodaabe tribe and their Gerewol festival. The men wear makeup and adorn themselves to be judged by the womenfolk. It's a strange old business being human, wherever you hail from.

I wouod reply to that with something like 'well just imagine how young you would look if you had hair!'
And then that would be it.
Obviously I look younger with hair and makeup done, its whole the reason people use makeup.. to enhance their looks.

I don't understand the anti makeup brigade.

I think it might be a reaction to those who think women shouldn't go out without it?

I don't wear it often therefore I'm not anti.

I don't feel I need it to look presentable or "put together" though.

I don't wear makeup day to day although I've recently started to wear light eyeliner & concealer because it makes me look & feel more alive. I go full face (not heavy)on nights out though again because it makes me feel better.

I don't understand the anti makeup brigade. What exactly is wrong with makeup. Is it because some women believe we should be ditching everything classified as overly feminine. A belief we should adopt a more masculine appearance in order to appear more powerful & give men the impression we don't care about looks. 🤔

Men don’t have to so why should we?

You're not the first person to use an example of something that causes smells in response to a point solely about appearance, and it's interesting. Because whatever one's views on the whole issue, a woman wearing make up or not is entirely visual whereas the example you use here involves smell too. They're not the same thing. To be comparable, the woman would have to be farting/doing something else that makes her smell like shit with the same frequency.

I wouldn’t take it badly. It was said off the back of a compliment that you looked younger without doing anything that lots of other women do to try to look younger. It’s a bit like him saying, imagine if you did all the witchcraft other women do with contouring and god knows what - you’d look even younger.

We all know that well-applied makeup / colouring greys etc etc makes us look better than if we don’t do it. I’m sure someone out there will reply ‘I look younger with grey hair and no lipliner evening out my thinning lips and no blusher placed higher on my cheeks to give the illusion of fuller cheeks’ but I just don’t buy that at all. Objectively, these products conceal things so we look better and it’s simply an honest observation in line with the context of the conversation

I think what your husband said is a million miles from lying in bed with a man who says, ‘I’d fancy you more if you wore makeup’ or who prods your love handles.

I’d laugh and give him some cheek back!

Productive is also subjective. To me a productive hour can be spent quietly watching the birds fly home at the end of the day.

I find that more interesting than putting on eyeliner.

I don't have to understand what makes people do what they do. They don't have to understand what I do.

The internalised misogyny in this comment is depressing.

"People"? The men in your life are all wearing makeup and doing their hair beyond using a brush? No, you just mean women.

Sexist nonsense. No one needs to look "put together", they are perfectly fine as they are. If you think makeup is necessary to look good, your standards are askew.

I'd be wondering if he liked hospital food.

this.

Sort of, but you must admit that not everyone wants to be productive all the time and interesting is subjective.

This. Don’t get the angst

Yes, but it's cultural too as evidenced by how it varies by country.

Well obviously they do have different priorities so I do understand that.
It's their motivation that baffles me. They're free to do it for whatever reason they do. I'm free to think, 'but surely there's always something more interesting/productive to do'.

Hope that balances out the strangeness.

It's likely a biological imperative. We're programmed to find good mates attractive which is why we don't tend to fancy old/overweight people and why those with symmetrical features (better genes) are seen as more beautiful.