DP says I'd look younger with hair and make-up, AIBU?

Hopefully all the men in the meeting blow dried their hair and put on their basic face of make up too?

If not… how very unprofessional of them. Are you sure they are capable of doing their jobs?

If you read what I put, I actually spruced myself up to present a professional image during quite an important meeting and it had the added bonus that dp wasn't walking in on the wreck of the Hesperus!

According to your latest post OP you have now let us know the bigger picture. His comment has absolutely nothing to do with my earlier suggestion which I said was a possibility & another perspective.

I would have a serious conversation with him letting him know you will not tolerate one more put down comment.

Start the day with giving yourselves 10 points.Every time either of you say something that is hurtful or a reason for an argument verbally remove one point & dont take it further. At the end of the day if he has lost most of his points he might realise he is being nasty towards you & needs to change.

Your husband needs to urgently work with you on strategies to extend your sleep - 4 hours is not sustainable, and you are running on adrenaline. This can only go on for so long until you begin to see the long term effects of stress present as other health conditions, some of which are hard to reverse.

He needs to be more sensitive and cognisant of the load you are carrying. Rather than criticise, he needs to take on more of the daily tasks to enable you to remain healthy - as a matter of urgency.

If its hardly transormative, what's the point?

For me it feels funny, especially mascara.

I never wear makeup but I iron everything!

I agree. It’s like the people on here who say they never iron lol

why wouldn't one take some basic pride in their appearance?

Why does that have to include make up?

I would just be aware of it. And wonder if it was running or smudged etc. Certainly anything else on my face would make me feel itchy.

Cheeky git. Having read your last post, I’d be telling him to buck up or ‘buck’ off.

Because mascara feels funny if you're not used to it, and a lot of brands have a tendency to flake or run; you have a menopausal hot flush and suddenly you've got panda eyes.

Lip balm can feel a little greasy, lip gloss is sticky and hair gets cause in it on a breezy day, matt lipsticks can be very drying and also bleed into the small lines around lips.

I have a Charlotte Tilbury lipstick in a lovely colour but my lips feel dry for a few days after I've used it so I don't bother much.

You know the man. Is he a snarky type who'd deliberately try to pull you down, or is he just someone who may have said something that came out wrong? I can see how this might be said to a woman who doesn't faff much with her appearance in a positive way, as in 'yes, and you don't even have to try...' which is what I'd take if my DP said it to me. Because I know he would never try to put me down. Depends on whether you feel that way about yours.

@DappledThings

why would a bit of mascara and lip balm make you feel uncomfortable? It’s hardly transformative makeup

There's a brigade? Do we get a uniform and badges?

Nothing is wrong with make up. Everything is wrong with believing make up is required if you're a woman. Make up is a fun optional extra.

This. I wear makeup sometimes, and there are times in my life when I've really enjoyed it. As a teen, I resented the fact that I couldn't wear the makeup I wanted to wear in school. So as you say, it isn't the makeup itself but the expectation.

A person could apply theirs with a trowel and still understand that this is their own personal standard, not a universal. For all I care people can put makeup on every time they go for a shit so the toilet doesn't see them without it. You do you. Just don't make it about others. It's not about your choices, it's about attitude.

It is too hard to tell whether your husband meant this to be nasty or not, or maybe just blurted it out and immediately regretted it.
I think you must be feeling quite insecure generally to be so pleased with a couple of older guys guessing you were a few years younger than you are.
So, maybe he could be generally doing more to make you feel good about yourself? Does he ever give you compliments?

I think this is a topic that has been done to death on here (makeup/ styled hair).
It reminds me of my mil who occasionally goes off on one about how women don’t need makeup, men don’t wear it etc etc
For one thing I think more men than you’d expect would like to be able to wear a bit of makeup without fear of judgment. I know some who wear fake tan/ dye their hair, use skincare products. My dad used to be a musician and he would occasionally steal some of my mum’s concealer for on stage.
Other than that I think it’s fair to say that people look younger/ better with well applied makeup because it’s the whole point of it.
Even though she doesn’t see it this way, I always think it’s alright for my mil to go on about no one needing makeup and not caring about what people think. She has very good skin - even tone etc. Lots of people including her own dc and me have skin problems and mainly wear makeup due to insecurity. It becomes a habit. I don’t think anyone who hasn’t had very bad acne or other skin problems is in a position to tell others that they don’t need makeup etc, especially to go on about it because they don’t know how it actually feels to get judged/ stared at/ negative comments about their skin.

I mean I personally prefer when men do a bit more than just wash and brush their hair - I think they too can look better if they use hair and beard products and lip balm. Heck I even like the New Romantic look with a bit of eyeliner, but each to their own! I think makeup can also be a means of self expression in the same was clothing and shoes and tattoos etc can - it’s not just about vanity - and looking younger - it can be a form of creativity

I don't understand the anti makeup brigade. What exactly is wrong with makeup.

You are misunderstanding. It's the expectation, the requirement, that we're pushing back against. People thinking we have no pride in ourselves or that we are the equivalent of slobs in filthy clothes, or farting men.

No. It's perfectly possible to like ourselves just as we are. To see ourselves as complete without 'putting a face on' as someone said.

I care about my skin so I drink water, have never smoked and I wear sunscreen. My mother, at my age, had several melanoma treated and I don't want that. It doesn't mean I need to wear concealer, foundation, blush, eye makeup, lipstick or whatever each time I see people.

I have a couple of lipsticks I wear when I feel like it. Which is pretty rarely, to be honest. I have more perfume than makeup because I use that for myself, I like the scents.

We aren't saying makeup is awful, we're saying the expectation that women invest time, mental energy and a lot of money on grooming when men can just wash and brush their hair is sexist bullshit we don't have to go along with.

Mmm, it's hardly a relationship standard to aspire to. I don't know which partner it came from, could be both, but I suspect that is not something most people want to emulate.

I’d say you have insecurities or as a couple you have issues if you’re thinking into it. Sorry though because it’s crap when you’re happy about something and then it’s short lived

Yes, tell DP that he can help you out with the dark circles more than makeup can.

Ha! x posted with pp.

You need to address that sleep issue OP.

Make up is the least of your worries.

Your DP should be more concerned you’re surviving on 4 hours sleep.
How much does he get?