DP says I'd look younger with hair and make-up, AIBU?

Yes, because absolutely everyone looks better with some makeup and hair styled. Is this some sort of a secret now?
It is not a secret that that is a popular opinion. It doesn't make it fact.

Yes, because absolutely everyone looks better with some makeup and hair styled. Is this some sort of a secret now? Doesn't mean you have to do it, but you would look better if you did. Hardly rocket science.

I don't wear makeup and don't style my hair, because I can't be arsed. Unless I'm going out-out (and even then not always) or it's a special occasion. But I absolutely do look better with it.

Husband should have kept his trap shut when no one asked, but factually, he's correct.

There's a premium on youth which I guess is linked to the finitude of life. But it would have been nice if the two older men had told the OP that she had kept them chuckling all evening and that is what she had gone home feeling pleased about. It's something that can be carried with you through life.

Why are you assuming bare face goes with scruffy hair? My hair is regularly cut and always clean and styled but I haven’t worn makeup in about a decade. At all. You can be tidy, clean and well presented with your normal face. As men do - or do you think they look silly in a tux and no make up?

By people ypu mean women, right? You don’t expect men to do a ‘basic face’? Ever asked yourself why?
’looking put together’ and ‘putting artificial substances on my face to make it look different’ are not the same thing. Hair clean, well cut and brushed, sure. Clean clothes that I like, also fine. Why add make up when I don’t want to? Men don't and they seem to survive.
It’s not about effort. It’s about interpretation of ‘put together’ and preference.

I can imagine my OH saying something like that but I’d laugh and say something back like some of the examples given and he would laugh back.

Is it appropriate to show up at work with a bare face and scruffy hair?
There's that association again between natural and scruffy or appropriate that I just don't accept.

A bare face, unless you work on a make-up counter so are expected to be advertising their wares on your face, is never inappropriate and it isn't scruffy. There is no correlation between not wearing makeup and having scruffy hair. I suspect we might differ on our assessment of what makes hair "scruffy" as well anyway.

You also make an association between groomed and appropriate. Again, I don't associate make up with looking groomed and I think someone can look utterly lovely and entirely appropriately dressed or presented for any occasion without having added any products to her face.

It must have been so annoying to hear that you would be perceived as a bit younger if you wore make up and titivated yourself a bit.

I can hardly imagine how miffed you must have been. What a thing to say!

His comment was sloppy.
Most people do look better when they have made efforts with their appearance, make up can hide a lot.

This 100%

I don't regularly get Id'ed anymore but it is my experience with no make up. My husband is the opposite he tells me not to bother with make up but I do what makes me happy like I think most women do!

To me, the latter would look ridiculous, just like going to the gym with a full face of male up would. After giving it some thought, I think it's down to appropriateness. Is it appropriate to show up at work with a bare face and scruffy hair? Categorically not. Is it appropriate to attend a ball with a bare face if in a sparkly frock? Possibly, but one would look better with some make up on too. I'm not talking drag queen style fake lashes and multi coloured eyeshadow, but most women look more groomed and appropriate with a spot of lip gloss and some mascara on. It's quite a traditional point of view, I grant you, but clearly the OPs dp is of the same mind or else he wouldn't have made the comment he did!

OP, have you ever thought about why “looking younger” is seen as such a compliment, especially for women? Don't you think its infantilising?

Youth tends to come with less experience and perspective and more arrogance - thats not a good mix. So why would you want to look like that?

I’m in my 50s and still get told I look younger. I know people mean it kindly, but I’ve stopped taking it as a compliment. I’d rather my age be seen for what it is — a reflection of everything I’ve learned and lived through.

The older you get, the more you realise how much there is to understand, and how long it takes to get there. So i find it a bit odd (and a bit icky) that “looking young” is held up as the ideal, when age brings something far more valuable.

It reminds of a quote from the Narnia books “She wasted all her school time wanting to be the age she is now, and she’ll waste all the rest of her life trying to stay that age.”

I suppose it does depend, I usually get the opposite, I’m in my 40s as well and always get ID-ed when wearing makeup but never do when natural

In fact you said a bit more than that. You also said you couldn't fathom not doing it, because you pretty much think other women in the workplace without it are scruffy.

If it were just you saying that in your circumstances, make up is a useful and beneficial tool that it makes sense to utilise, some of the responses would've been different. After all, you know your circumstances best. If you think it's to your advantage to wear makeup in work, I'd guess you're right.

And it looks from this post like you do agree there's variation in context here. You obviously feel either that it doesn't matter whether you look to best advantage when going to buy a sandwich, or that what amounts to looking your best is different in that context than it is in Waitrose. So you get the principle.

In your opinion! The conversation comes from why it is you think women look "better" in make-up and why that look that you consider better is one that you give a value judgement to. Why do you associate your preferred look with an acceptable level of effort and a bare face as lack of effort rather than a different, but just as valid choice?

Fully dressed up for a fancy party in a full length gown but without make-up would not look ridiculous in the least. It might not be your preferred overall look but that's not the same thing.

I've just said, have I not, that the difference is that most men do not look better with make up on whereas most women do? So I personally will use the tool of make up to look better. It's not rocket science to comprehend!

Clean and tidy is fine for taking the kids to pony club or nipping into the next village to buy a sandwich and some lupins like I've just done bare faced 😁 but for work, social occasions and good God even nipping to Waitrose, I'd put a bit more effort in. I'd look ridiculous at a smart party in a full length beaded number with a bare face, for example!

It's a compliment ! acknowledges and agrees with the comment and mentions make-up which everyone knows has a glowing effect for even more youthful look, how can you take that badly? Doesn't suggest you should be wearing it every day, it was just a comment

Yes, great comment. Good point!

Get yourself to tge hairdressers and beauticians ... treat yourself!

His testicles would be in the bin.
Not that he'd been anywhere near stupid enough to ever say it. DP/BF is sixteen years older than me & didn't look anywhere near that - probably ten years off his actual age - until he was seriously ill at the end of 2024.

Mention something about penis pumps OP, and see how DP would react to your 'little' suggestion!

No one has said that. You've wrongly inferred it.

Wheras women who wear make up have said that the partners of those who don't will have an affair.

Who has said that? All there has been is questioning of why you consider make-up to be an element of personal presentation that it is reasonable to place value you. As opposed to just being clean and tidy. Apparently a made-up face looks "better" than a bare face but that is only one point of view. And doesn't explain why that "betterness" is true for women but not men.

Your DP is a wanker.

As opposed to expressing your misogyny by inferring that those of us who value personal presentation are just brainless simpering bimbos who should scrub our faces and be proud, you mean? Hmmm......