DP says I'd look younger with hair and make-up, AIBU?

Men don’t traditionally wear makeup.

He does put on lip balm - Vaseline, occasionally, as he looks better with well moisturised lips. He also has a vast collection of facial moisturisers.

He also brushes and trims his eyebrows. He cares about how he looks. He likes to ensure his face is well groomed, so he trims it. I don’t have to, being female. We each do our bit.

I’ll also add - my “basic face” is combed through eyebrows, a swipe of mascara and some tinted lip balm. It makes me look healthy. I wear the entire shebang of the makeup bag maybe 3 times a year.

But does he ‘do a basic face’? Does he wear make up? And if not, does he still look groomed? So why can’t women?
I always have well cut and clean hair and clean clothes which I feel look good on me. I just dont wear make up.

Absolutely none of which has anything to do with wearing makeup.

@cardibach where did I say women?

My husband looks dreadful when his hair isn’t done and his beard isn’t trimmed down. He looks better when he has his contacts in, opposed to when he wears his glasses.

He looks better in a suit than he does his grass cutting joggers.

Dearie me. Anyway.. I don’t care about impressing men, but I urge my children to be clean, tidy and well dressed. I make sure my daughter’s hair is clean, styled and her clothes are nice. My son with his hair gelled. Why? First impressions are important, both socially and professionally.

We are not homeless.

I was being kind earlier, I really was. For those of you who don’t want to look your best, all power to you - but you’d look a lot better if you tried a little bit. Promise.

Younger.

Yeah that's a bonkers take. Why would I want to look 12 anyway.

It is honestly, genuinely ok to look your age Dragonplant. I don't feel any need to hide my wrinkles. If others do that's fine as well. But there are genuinely plenty of women who aren't obsessed with looking younger

Ditto mostly, but @CurlingChamp is running on fumes.

4 hours sleep a night isn’t enough

@CurlingChamp you need to talk to H, tell him you appreciate what he said and understand what he meant, but it made you feel again like it was something ELSE you have to do. Tell him that on 4 hours sleep HED look aged and that HE needs to step up more so you’re not permanently exhausted.

tell him you are talking about this now so that resentment doesn’t creep into your relationship and kill your marriage.

Where has anyone said anything of the sort?

I am 46. I think I look 46. I don't think I look younger than I am, I just don't ascribe any value to looking younger or find it anything I care about.

That's an interesting take really because it suggests you have read people saying they are happy with their faces as they are as believing they think they look younger than they are because the narrative of younger = better is so strong. As opposed to being happy with their own faces as they are.

Some of the comments on here are ridiculous. Those who look 12 without makeup and are naturally blessed with clear skin long dark eyelashes etc are very lucky - meanwhile us mere mortals like to use makeup to sustain the illusion 😂

You really do write unpleasant comments on MN.

That may be the case in this instance. Those of us who don’t wear make up have been asked why not enough times to make it a) believable and b) a position that needs countering even if it’s not being seriously promoted.

So much rising to the bait going on on this thread! Wise-up to when you are being prodded everybody .

Totally agree

She's saying women who don't wear makeup "Aren't making an effort to look somewhat put together." Like not wanting to wear makeup is somehow giving up[ or having low standards. Whereas mostly it's just not being that into the makeup aesthetic.

And that she "struggles" with the idea not everyone buys into an obligation for women to "look better with makeup."

Anyone who thinks makeup is a requirement for women and not choice or personal expression, has internalised misogyny.

Wear makeup if you like it. Don't if you don't. But don't go around telling other women off- or saying they caused their husbands to cheat - because they don't want to "put a face on" every day.

Define ‘better’? I’m happy with the face I was given, I think people who spend time and money never going anywhere without makeup and hair’do’ must have insecurity issues

hahahaha yup. My late husband would never have been so rude

and again this, also its nobody's place to judge someone else's choices

I would find it quite funny if my husband said that to me, but we have always taken the mickey out of each other so I know it would have been said light hearted and not nasty. It depends on the type of relationship you have and how it was said. Some people are very over sensitive and some people can say things quite nastily and not realise. Without knowing your relationship no one can really agree or disagree with you. You’ve obviously taken offence, so either you are over sensitive or your husband is a dick.

hven't RTFT but what i have read is people making non makeup/hairdo wearers feel bad.

this once again. Talk about judgy McJudgeface

I'd have reminded him, immediately, that he has to sleep.......

That's exactly right, OP. There's nothing worse than the "You look nice, you ought to do that more often" type of 'compliment'.

I never wear makeup as I never learnt how to do it properly.
My age is guessed as much younger than it is, but that’s the luck of genetics all my family looked young and I’ve got dark eyelashes and good skin.
As far as I’m aware I have never been judged for not wearing makeup.
That said if makeup makes a person feel better then go for it, it don’t try to make people who don’t wear make up feel bad about themselves, that’s not nice.

So would everything be alright if his reply to that was, "Yeah, okay"?

Look better... Says who? It's all subjective, isn't it...?