DP says I'd look younger with hair and make-up, AIBU?

Single mum with cancer here. Because I’m tired and busy and have other priorities.

Some people's self worth isn't connected to whether they have mascara on.

I agree - I’d be fine with it because I wouldn’t for a second think it was coming from a bad place. If you’re husband is a snarky twat OP, then I can see how this might rile you

I think the key point you’ve missed here is that you care and they don’t.

I wear make up for work and if I’m going somewhere nice not for work, but day to day I don’t. I know I look better and more put together when I do but I’m not bothered about looking better or more put together on those occasions. I also think (for me) there’s a value in being comfortable enough to go out without make up and it helps me not get too invested in how I look. I think that’s important as we get older.

My husband doesn’t make comments like that, but I wouldn’t be bothered if he did.

It wouldn’t bother me as it’s no secret that I do look better (not sure about younger) when I do my hair and makeup. But it does depend on your relationship with your husband, if he’s generally warm and kind of if he likes throwing little sarcastic comment around

I’d probably laugh because my case it’d be true.

Do you think he's expecting that of you? Are there other comments about it, that he thinks you should wear makeup and do your hair??
I know my husband doesn't care if I wear makeup so I know if he made that comment it would be a bad joke -only you know your husband to know if it was a silly joke or an expectation.

Do men have to wear make-up? No! So why on earth should i

I'm afraid the idea that women require make up to look 'better' and 'more put together' is a lie you've been told. We don't need it any more than men do. We may WANT to wear it and prefer that look for ourselves and that's obviously fine. But we certainly shouldn't be made to think we NEED to paint a new face over our existing one.

Same with hair. I assume the op washes and brushes it. She doesn't need to spend hours styling it unless that is her personal preference

You were chuffed that someone thought you looked younger, so he said you would look younger with make up.

Its just a fact. Not sure why you think he expects you to wear make up or look younger.

My husband has a beard, when he shaves it he looks younger, and I have made that observation to him. I doesn't mean I want him to shave and look younger all the time, its just a fact. I think your reading too much into it.

I say stuff to my husband all the time i just expect to reply the way he wants too not the way I set up for him

Same way I wouldn't ask if I looked good in something if I didn't want honesty I dont do mind games

If I ask a question of anyone I always want the truth or even just normal comments

Because not wearing make-up doesn't equate to scruffy in my world. I would look a bit different if I put on mascara and lip balm but not better. Just a different look.

But I would also feel uncomfortable which would probably show through too and have a negative effect.

Meanwhile I just don't care. Who am I looking better for? I don't see myself 🤣

My kids aren't scruffy, not sure where you get that link from! I'm not scruffy either, just don't feel the need to wear make up daily.

If my DH said it it would be a joke and I'd laugh. But not being there to hear the tone and not knowing you or him means none of us can comment on what it meant from him specifically.

@Happytaytos whatever makes you happy, but as I said I don’t understand why people don’t make an effort. I’ve yet to meet a woman who doesn’t look better with a swipe of mascara and lip balm. I’m not talking about an inch of foundation and false lashes but I don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t want to look their best.

My hair takes 10 minutes and my face about 3. I work full time, have 2 children and I wouldn’t let them out of the house looking scruffy.

Why should they? I wash my face and brush my hair. Why should I spent time and money on make up I don't want to wear.

Why are you expected to do it?

Unless he's previously made comments I'd take it as a joke. Then I'm comfortable in my lack of hair and make up and so is my DH.

I’m struggling with this - most people look better with their hair and makeup done. I rarely wear a full face of makeup but my hair is always styled and basic face done. I confess that I don’t understand why people don’t make an effort to look somewhat put together.

What was he supposed to say?! How about nothing? She wasn't asking him whether she'd look younger if she did her hair and makeup, she was just relaying a conversation. He had loads of choices of reply that didn't include that.

Of course we all age and if we ask a question about that, there's nothing wrong with honesty but I don't go around randomly telling my husband he'd look younger if he did x or y thing. Given that I love him, I don't really have any desire to make him feel like crap?

"But darling if I did my hair and wore make up it would make me look like a gold digger next to you".

"Hair and makeup take 2 hours, why don't you take the children out for 2 hours every day?"

@CurlingChamp
Did he frame it as something he would like you to do, or as a statement of fact?
I don’t wear makeup and I have a hairstyle that I like, but isn’t one that makes me look “younger than my age”.
If I chose to I could modify my clothes, face and hair to appear younger.
I know that, as does my husband. I suspect the problem is that you feel that he would like a wife who chooses to do those things, ie a person who has different ideas and priorities.