I was angry with Husband today, is this gaslighting!

Your reaction is very OTT op, so that leads me to believe this is happening quite often and today just happened to be the last straw 💐

No idea where you got gaslighting from but if thos was video recorded and played to us on mn would we have seen this the way op does?

Yes he may have done it loudly or maybe the op just thinks it was because the way the op posted makes me think they don't see things normally and as this is mn the man will always be to blame (assuming the op is a woman i wont go back and check)

He's certainly nasty and unpleasant.
Do you wish to remain married?
Have you other options?
If he is like this regularly, contact domestic abuse charities for support.

You genuinely were crying and shaking because your husband said you’d left a door open so the cat could have escaped? What’s the problem with him telling you this?

I have an indoor only cat and I've told my dh and kids to make sure the door is shut on many occasions, especially when dh is working outside. He comes in and out and forgets to close it. Our cat doesn't even make a break for outside but I still don't want to risk it. Everyone would be worried about her if she got out and who ever let her out would feel terribly guilty about so a quick reminder seems the kindest thing all round

If you have a house cat and left a door open I think his response was normal and yours was an overreaction.
If a man posted that his wife had done what your DH did the comments would be in full support of the wife, it would be 'weponsided incompetence' he'd be putting your cat at risk so you don't leave him to do the DIY again. I don't think that's what you have done, I just think you're reaction will be supported by some just because you are the woman.

He shouted to you that the door was open and the cat might get out.
Are you always so hyper sensitive?

It sounds nothing like gaslighting unless you actually hadn’t left the door open. Is there history of relationship issues / constant criticism? Or is there mental health issues? Otherwise this just sounds like a normal conversation.

He wasn't unreasonable, and you don't know what gas lighting means.

Is that cat not allowed out?
If not, then why would you leave the door open?

I’m not sure what the relevance of the holes in the wall are.
It sounds as though you wanted your DH to congratulate you on doing some jobs around the house.

This isn’t a normal reaction to someone telling you you’d left the door open.

The 'often like this' is the backstory. I get it OP, my husband can be like this, it's the drip drip.drip of it that wears you down.

Must be a backstreet to this. OP is obviously upset and this is probably the last straw. He sounds like a pig OP. You sound exhausted.

This, yes it’s not gaslighting but I suspect it’s the straw that broke the camel’s back of horrible comments! And loud in front of neighbours! Hope you are ok op.

Yeah gaslighting is the wrong.description .

I get why you were upset though. You were doing something helpful that he hadn’t done. And left to you to do. Then he complains and criticises about something that you have done by accident and not on purpose. He could have been kinder and said ‘whoops you’ve left the door open I’ll shut it for you’

Sounds also like rejection sensitivity disphoria - where you are sensitive and appear to overreact ro
any perceived criticism. It’s part of having ADHD. Does any of that fit?

As it’s very tricky navigating relationships with critIcal husbands when you have this.

OP you need to look up gaslighting, this situation has no relation to gaslighting.
I would tell DH if he left the door open and the cat could escape! Your reaction seems way out of proportion.
If he is unpleasant to you regularly, I imagine it has built up inside you.

It's gaslighting if, for example, you actually shut the door to stop the cat getting out and he opened it himself and pretended it was you that left it open.

If he's horrible to you a lot and you're unhappy in the relationship, maybe you could consider leaving him. I know it's hard at 66, but how do you want to spend your retirement years?

OP do you feel like he was looking for an excuse to belittle you to deflect from the fact you were fixing a mess he should have been sorting out? If that's a pattern of behaviour it's definitely something that can wear you down, but if there is no other backstory here it does seem like an unreasonable response from you. Do you have anything else which may be causing undue stress at the moment?

Just from the post it sounds like its one thing in a long line of things that has put the OP on edge. Is he hyper critical?

This isn’t gaslighting.

What you were doing outside is irrelevant - if you have to keep the door shut for the cat then he was fine to point out that you'd left it open (once, without shouting or swearing/insulting etc) so it could be sorted and/or sort it himself.

I understand feeling momentarily cross with yourself or guilty when it was pointed out because you forgot and the cat might have got out, or even transferring that guilt to him in the instant by trying to think of some way it was his fault about the door (which would be unreasonable, but is a thing), but I don't really see how that led to you having the level of reaction you described or feeling that he was in some way treating you poorly.

I mean this with genuine concern OP, but how's your mental health? How's your relationship in other respects? On the face of it, this sounds like a normal interaction to me and your reaction sounds a bit extreme.

As an aside, gaslighting is serious, sinister and dangerous and not a term to be used lightly because ultimately it will make it harder for victims to be heard.

Is it a pattern of behaviour from him? If it is, then it wears you down and can induce horrible feelings. My dh is the same. He's positively gleeful if he catches me out in a mistake and my nerves are shot now. It's horribly demoralising. If it's just a one off, then think nothing of it and tell him to stfu if he does it again.

It’s sounds as though, gaslighting or not, you find the way he speaks to you upsetting.
This could be because you are under other pressures, having mental health issues or other family issues eg with parents, DC, things that happened in your childhood. Or it could be because your husband is an unreasonable oaf.
Only you can decide which it is and what to
do, possibly with the help of a counsellor or therapist,

“my husband came to the front of the house, and said loudly,that I had left the door to the hallway open,said I shouldn't do that, as the cat could of got out?”

So what’s unreasonable about that? I’m sorry, OP, I genuinely don’t understand why it should have caused you so much upset.