This might be long, sorry.
My dad was moved into a care home in December while my mum was in hospital. He's 82, has recently had a heart attack and small stroke, both of which have affected his physical health and his memory/mind.
My mum sadly passed away in Jan and my dad has continued to live in the care home because he isn't safe at home on his own, even with carers going on because he won't eat and he won't take his medication.
He's recently been offered a place at an extra care facility which is essentially a bungalow in a complex with carers on site who will visit him four times a day. This is the same level of support he was getting living at home and the carers themselves raised concerns about him not being safe.
2025 was an awful year due to the sudden decline in my Mam’s health; she was in and out of hospital, usually by emergency ambulance and had several falls, the last of which led to her death. My sister had several times where the carers rang her in the middle of the night because something had happened and she needed to rush to the bungalow and has stated plainly that she cannot do that again. I am a single parent and can't leave my children so would also be unable to help.
He's been assessed by a committee as being safe to move into this extra care facility but I have this awful dread in my gut that it's just going to start again with the falls and emergencies. I know for a fact he won't let the carers look after him and he'll start refusing his meds again. He has incontinence and even between us we couldn't keep up with the washing, which included the full bedding every day because he wouldn't let the carers do it.
I work full time and have two children who need me, and my sister is unfortunately suffering from such severe anxiety that even on medication she struggles to leave her home currently.
Awbu to want him to stay where he's safe and well looked after?