AIBU to worry Dad isn’t safe moving from care home?

If you do write to them you should copy in his gp and his adult social services safeguarding team. Is he on anti coagulant

Not if you choose carefully. My DM was very nearly 89 when we finally moved her to a care home - advancing dementia meant she simply wasn’t safe to be left alone at all any more.

The care home - an Abbeyfield - was excellent. DM stayed there until she died at 97.

I would write a letter simply outlining your concerns. Dear .... we are writing to express our concerns over the decision to move our father.... from ........ to an extra living bungalow with 4 carers a day as we are no longer able to assist with any personal or housekeeping care. Our main concerns are that he will need full supervision and prompting with essential medication, washing, dressing, safe mobility, purchasing, storing and preparing food and drinks. As you know he has a history of falling which, with his medication, can lead to very serious consequences.

We are in the process of applying for poa, until that time we would be grateful if you would, with our father's consent, agree to a meeting where we can discuss our concerns with you together with a copy of his current careplan, care needs assessment and all risk assessments.

Is there a property to sell? Has anyone asked him where he would like to live and has he had a capacity assessment. Who is on the committee.

Have you been out to look at the complex? Some of these places are brilliant and would offer him the privacy of his own home with the same or similar levels of care he currently receives in the home.
I would not write it off without going and looking at it. Some of these places things you are concerned about would be more than felt with in the complexes I’ve worked in.
There is usually 24 hour care available even if he is only scheduled four care visits the teams will be onsite and respond to fall alarms and other needs.
Food - often there is a dinning room where residents can go for meals the same as in a care home. Or they can cook or be cooked for in their own home. It just adds that flexibility for people.
Locking himself in or out wouldn’t happen as these places are designed for his demographic so don’t have doors that cannot be unlocked from outside. Equally residents usually cannot exit the complex without going through the main building or security. So he wouldn’t be able to just walk offsite without anyone knowing.
There is usually a variety of lounges and communal facilities for the residents to use so he wouldn’t be isolated like he was at home.

I would really recommend going and seeing the place before ruling it out as you may well find it would offer him the best of both worlds!

Your DF should want for you, as his child, to be as happy as you can be, not what suits him to the detriment of others.
The wants of someone at the end of life don’t trump others in the prime of theirs.

@CareHomeWorries

this sounds horrendous for you and your sister.
I would phone up the adult safeguarding team at the local authority too and add some weight to the social care referral.
This sounds like absolute madness - I hope you can get it sorted out.

I think that’s an excellent email personally. I hope it does the trick.

Frankly I don’t think he sounds as if he has the mental capacity to decide where to live. If there is push back following your email, ask to discuss the capacity assessment with them. Or ask for a second opinion on his mental capacity for that decision, done eg by his GP. Given that you have provided information about the risks of his going home in the email, what were his responses when asked how he would manage those issues? (I’ll bet my bottom dollar they didn’t ask him eg how he would deal with soiling the bed and changing his sheets, and whether he has any understanding of how this is managed in the care home currently).

I think your initial draft has some good points but includes too much that isn’t 100% relevant. Run it through chat gpt and ask it to sharpen up and focus on issues of safety. You need to be a bit more explicit and say you believe the plans are unsafe and represent a safeguarding concern and want explicit assurances for how the local authority would manage each concern in the extra care setting. I’d also want feedback from the care home on how he is doing and the level of care currently provided.

is the issue that he need the local authority to fund the care home? If you and he want to move to the care home you can do this privately?

it is quite unusual to move back from a care home. I’d want them to put in writing how they will ensure his safety given the risks of falls, likely non compliance with medicine and lack of family support. It often concentrates the mind if this stuff is explicitly written down.

That’s all very well but you have to take into account what it’s possible to do. If someone needs new bedding every day and “won’t let” the people on site change it, do you think it’s sustainable for people with jobs and families to have to drop everything to do it every day? And that will just be the tip of the iceberg

We got LPA when many thought capacity had been lost. But the lady who did the certificate (from an excellent company who do this a lot) said that capacity is judged in the moment. So at the time of the assessment my relative was deemed to have capacity. The next day they didn't remember it but a month or so later asked about the 'nice young lady who came to visit'.
Also lived alone, forgot to take tablets etc and after most of a year in hospital was discharged to a nursing home. They are absolutely thriving there. It's like a 5 star hotel compared to home! All meals, laundry, cleaning, activities (only if you choose to join in), medicine at the right time, and company as and when you want it. One resident has been there 6 years and looks really well - just can't cope alone at home. So a care home, if you chose the right one, is not necessarily the beginning of the end. (My relative is self funding.)

If you think the care needs assessment was wrong you can complain. I haven't done it myself but this is the Age UK fact sheet. You can also call the Age UK advice line

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/siteassets/documents/factsheets/fs59_how_to_resolve_problems_and_complain_about_social_care_fcs.pdf

If the local authority are funding half then yes they can pull their funding if a care assessment finds he could cope with 4 visits. So then either he pays all or he moves, the situation gets fucked up and they finally admit he needs a care home after one or more medical crises.

Or, the point at which the person needs the care home marks the beginning of the end.

Yes, as I know with my parents, care homes are the beginning of the end made quicker. 🙁

Sadly it’s all too common for people to be put in this position, we had to let it happen so we could prove it was the wrong thing and more care was needed.

He probably would be save living independently if he would let the carers do their thing and would take his medication. It may be that he has said he will do this, and as he has capacity they have to go with what he’s said.

It may also be he’s said you will help him. It’s worth emphasising to whoever is making the decisions that your experience is that he will refuse care/meds, and that you and your sister are unable to provide any care that the carers can’t deliver.

(FWIW get POA while everyone thinks he has capacity - once he’s deemed as not having capacity it’s too late to do it, and get both types of POA).

If he doesn’t have capacity you won’t get poa it’ll be too late.

i think you need to put im writing that you are concerned about an unsafe discharge, that whatever he tells them about being able to remember pills and having a daughter that’ll help us incorrect. that you cannot because of childcare etc and just put them straight.

I would want the very best for my DF, and take into account where he would feel at home, and as happy as can be, not what suits myself. I would also take into account what his capacity is.