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Original poster

AIBU to refuse BIL’s 40th holiday we can’t afford?

165 replies

Holidaybirthdaydrama · 19/03/2026 12:43

BIL turns 40 soon and has decided on a week long holiday to celebrate. We can’t afford it and DH has explained this to him but he’s expected to go ?
it’s causing issues but we can only just afford our family getaway we can’t add more expenses. DH has said they’ll do something together before or after. MIL has said brothers should celebrate these things together ? But it’s not like anyone is offering to pay for DH!!

OP posts:
NotNow178 · 19/03/2026 12:57

Regardless of finances, it is ridiculous for a man of 40 to dictate to his siblings when and where they go on holiday.

The MIL is being even more ridiculous.

Go on holidays you want to go on, not those that are dictated by others.

Motheranddaughter · 19/03/2026 12:55

Do you think your DH wants to go?

LakieLady · 19/03/2026 12:55

If BIL wants his entire family at his birthday bash, he needs to find something that's within the means of all family members, or pay for those who can't afford it!
Doing otherwise is crass and insensitive.

Mind you, you'd have to pay ME to get me to go Vegas, and even then I'd think twice about it.

Original poster
Holidaybirthdaydrama · 19/03/2026 12:51

Shedmistress · 19/03/2026 12:48

Is this the one in South America?

No I haven’t posted about this before. It’s Las Vegas

OP posts:
Blueunicornthistle · 19/03/2026 12:50

MIL and BIL can say what they like but they can’t force your DH to go.

He just needs to keep firm to his (very sensible boundaries)

Asking a family member to go into debt for your birthday party is extraordinarily self centred and entirely unacceptable.

Namechangerage · 19/03/2026 12:49

Is DH absolutely firm on not being able to go though? Or is it more that he would try and make it work if you were on board?

just checking the issues aren’t secretly your DH wanting to go but not saying that…

InBedBy10 · 19/03/2026 12:48

I would tell MIL that you simply cannot afford it but if she wants to pay for it you'd happily accept. She'll either stop going on about it or pay for you. Its a win, win.

Shedmistress · 19/03/2026 12:48

Is this the one in South America?

Nofeckingway · 19/03/2026 12:47

Even if you could easily afford it it's not up to BIL or MIL to dictate what you do with your time and money . It's a big ask for a poxy 40th birthday. Not like the majority of people don't achieve it 😕

Radiostar0 · 19/03/2026 12:47

I know some will not agree with me but I think your BIL is being a bit ott expecting the whole family to attend his week long birthday extravaganza… he seems a bit precious.

Youre obviously not unreasonable. “Thanks for thinking about us but we can’t afford it, we don’t mind celebrating with you another time but a week long holiday for your 40th isn’t feesable for us”

Namechangerage · 19/03/2026 12:46

Messages to mum and brother: I wish I could afford but I can’t. What do you expect me to do?

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 19/03/2026 12:45

It doesn’t matter that people are expecting him to go, they can’t make him. He’ll just have to be firm.

MermaidMummy06 · 19/03/2026 12:45

'Sorry, we just can't afford it. If he wants to celebrate together we'll do something local.'

IPM · 19/03/2026 12:45

What do you want us to say?

If you can't afford it, you can't afford it.

So obviously just keep repeating that 🤷‍♂️

rubyslippers · 19/03/2026 12:44

YANBU
If he wants a big do he pays for it OR is mindful that not everyone can afford it and that’s ok