AIBU to refuse BIL’s 40th holiday we can’t afford?

I actually love Las Vegas and if you embrace the naffness you'll have a great time. But this is not the point AT ALL.

I can't get over someone demanding someone else to pay to celebrate them. This goes for expensive abroad hen nights and destination weddings too. And then get pissy when you politely say you can't afford it. Even if you can afford it what if you don't want to spend your money there?

And LV is literally one of the most expensive places in the States. There is nothing to do but eat drink gamble and go to shows and every single one of those things costs a small fortune.

My DH and DS have been there (for just a few hours) on their way to Red Rock for climbing. They have offered for me to go and stay in Vegas while they go on to climbing for a few days.

My response: "What did I ever do you you both to deserve that? I thought you guys loved me."

Going to Vegas, for me, ranks right up there with going to Florida to experience a hurricane.

I'm not seeing the problem here. He's been invited to join them. He's declined because he can't afford it. MIL is not happy. So what?

What's the actual problem?

I was in Las Vegas once and couldn't wait to get out of it.

Your BIL's need for overwhelming adoration and attention is not a problem for you to solve. A one week "vacation" he expects everyone to attend to honor HIM is silly and quite honestly, pathetic. Las Vegas is not cheap, no matter what the business owners in Vegas might try to get visitors to believe.

It reminds me of people who expect to have a birthday month-long celebration.

Why does BIL think he has the right to decide how you spend your money and time?

Can’t stand this kind of thing. My mother in law is pressuring us all to go abroad for her 60th next year and there’s no way we ca afford it. You should only really suggest a trip like this to celebrate yourself if you can pay for everyone, otherwise it’s just so stressful and rude.

This on repeat. It's totally unreasonable to expect you to go unless they are paying.

Women are not responsible for what men do.

My issue would be more that the BIL is expecting everyone to use a precious week’s worth of annual leave for his birthday.

When is this meant to be? If it is during the term, are the children meant to be taken out of school? Or is only the husband invited?

What kind of selfish idiot has a week long holiday in vega for their birthday and then gets pissy that people can’t come!

Have the party you want, but don’t expect everyone else to go.

Just say that you can’t afford it. On repeat.

if mum is saying they should do something together then say you can do something on this country with a budget of…

like someone else said - either they pay for him or accept he can’t go.

I would get him to ask them how should he pay for it as you don’t physically have the money. Ask them what they suggest he do. Put it back on them.

"BIL turns 40 soon and has decided on a week long holiday to celebrate."
He's perfectly able to go on holiday for a week. What he cannot do is command that other people commit their annual leave (that they may or many not have) and their money (that they may or many not have) to his wants.

"We can’t afford it and DH has explained this to him but he’s expected to go?"
His brother can 'expect' whatever he wants. Reality does not bend to his expectations.

"it’s causing issues but we can only just afford our family getaway we can’t add more expenses."
Who has these issues? If it's BIL and MIL, the issues are theirs and under no circumstances should you take ownership of their issues. (That would be stealing . )

"DH has said they’ll do something together before or after."
A very reasonable offer.

"MIL has said brothers should celebrate these things together?"
If that is the case, why has she not pointed out to Birthday Boy that he should celebrate where his brother can join him?

"But it’s not like anyone is offering to pay for DH!!"
Of course they haven't - they want to spend YOUR money for THEIR wants.

'We can't afford it so we won't be joining you'. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Not to mention the expense of gambling during the holiday itself, and possibly acquiring a life-ruining, family-destroying addiction 😃

MIL has said brothers should celebrate these things together

What a load of shit. If she really thinks that, she can pay for him to go, but they're not children so their priority is not each other but their own family hols. MIL's view is irrelevant.

Magic money trees do not exist.
He can moan all he needs to, it won’t change anything.

That’s ridiculous. If your bil wants everyone to go on holiday, he should be paying for it. Since when did it become a thing to expect someone to pay £1000s for your 40th?

This. No one can force you to make a flight booking at gunpoint.

Your MIL can say it's family so you have to come as much as she likes, that makes no difference to your finances and no way should you get in debt just for a 40th birthday. Of course your DH would like to go with his DB but if you don't have money to spare then it's not possible. LV sounds appalling anyway, who wants to spend a week in a casino in the desert

They can cause issues if they want, it doesn't mean your husband needs to participate. He has told them it's not possible, so that's the end of the discussion.
Brothers celebrating a 40th birthday together is something his mother just made up, no one needs to give it a moment of thought.

Anyone who tells you you should go - "we will go if you're paying for us all to go"

repeat infinitum.

Otherwise tell them to stop being an arse demanding people go on a week long holiday for a birthday.

Let them say what they like - you can't afford it and you're not going. Just keep saying it.

I have two relatives who do this loads. Their favourite hobby is committing other people's money. They have a Grand Vision and then are hurt when family members don't point their hard earned money and annual leave at their Grand Vision.

My feeling is that if you want a particular group of people in a particular place to celebrate your event then you can always pay their fare. Not appealing? Guess it's a local celebration then.

You describe it very well according to my DH. Although he did enjoy the helicopter ride over the canyon!