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Original poster

AIBU to refuse BIL’s 40th holiday we can’t afford?

165 replies

Holidaybirthdaydrama · 19/03/2026 12:43

BIL turns 40 soon and has decided on a week long holiday to celebrate. We can’t afford it and DH has explained this to him but he’s expected to go ?
it’s causing issues but we can only just afford our family getaway we can’t add more expenses. DH has said they’ll do something together before or after. MIL has said brothers should celebrate these things together ? But it’s not like anyone is offering to pay for DH!!

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 19/03/2026 16:48

Come on-they can ‘expect’ what they like but it’s not going to happen so they’ll have to get used to it. Every time they mention it, he just needs to say no.

nixon1976 · 19/03/2026 16:34

EscapeTheCastle · 19/03/2026 16:25

I recently watched some You Tube videos on Las Vegas. It's a bit of a hot topic for Americans as their once loved fun destination has changed into something unaffordable since 2020. In one video a man was interviewed in the street and he said the bottle of water he was holding cost him $15.

Easily. A cocktail in the street - while fun - is $26.

MeridianB · 19/03/2026 16:34

What kind of narcissistic twat insists on everyone shelling out for a week’s long haul holiday to celebrate their birthday? And your MIL is even more ridiculous for her emotional blackmail.

Just no.

Coconutter24 · 19/03/2026 16:31

“We can’t afford to go but MIL if you’re so insistent brothers should spend birthdays together then we will happily accept flights, accommodation and spending money from you”

Purplecatshopaholic · 19/03/2026 16:29

MermaidMummy06 · 19/03/2026 12:45

'Sorry, we just can't afford it. If he wants to celebrate together we'll do something local.'

Rinse and repeat!

ForFunGoose · 19/03/2026 16:29

Don’t budge on this OP

What if your washing machine or car breaks, will his family buy you a new one?
It will cause arguments between ye and it’s not worth that.

Is dh 40?
What did he do for his birthday?

Glittertwins · 19/03/2026 16:26

So they’re expecting you to go into debt / hardship for someone else’s birthday? Holidays are a luxury - you know you can’t afford it and are taking a sensible view in saying no.

EscapeTheCastle · 19/03/2026 16:25

I recently watched some You Tube videos on Las Vegas. It's a bit of a hot topic for Americans as their once loved fun destination has changed into something unaffordable since 2020. In one video a man was interviewed in the street and he said the bottle of water he was holding cost him $15.

Isometimeswonder · 19/03/2026 16:22

I think these type of (usually foreign) hen or stag dos and birthday celebrations are really selfish.
You are not unreasonable, you're sensible

Fundays12 · 19/03/2026 16:17

Keep firm and keep reiterating we cant afford it. If your MIL wants your dh to go she pays everything including his spending money. At 40 lots of men have families etc and your BIL may find others cant afford it either.

Gymnopedie · 19/03/2026 16:14

WallaceinAnderland · 19/03/2026 15:13

I'm not seeing the problem here. He's been invited to join them. He's declined because he can't afford it. MIL is not happy. So what?

What's the actual problem?

Because unless you are very strong minded, when other people go on and on and on and on... You start to question yourself and you need moral support that you're not being unreasonable.

Original poster
Holidaybirthdaydrama · 19/03/2026 16:13

Catza · 19/03/2026 13:15

I've had the same question.
My guess is, DH wants to go and thinks they can afford it. OP thinks they can't. Family applying pressure on her as the once in charge of family budget.

Show quote history

If we had the money yes he would like to go but we absolutely can’t afford it. I’m involved as we have joint finances.

OP posts:
Skybluepinky · 19/03/2026 16:13

No idea why people think anyone else is interested in their milestone birthdays, don’t waste your money.

AgnesMcDoo · 19/03/2026 16:12

anyone who wants to go abroad for birthday, hens, weddings etc either accepts some people won’t / can’t come or pays for it.

shouldicontactthisperson · 19/03/2026 16:08

Could your DH use a bit of reverse psychology (not sure if this is correct term) on MIL eg “I’d love to go on DB’s holiday but I simply can’t afford it - what should I do?”

She’ll presumably either back down, or offer to pay for him, so win:win for him either way.

TomatoSandwiches · 19/03/2026 16:04

This is ridiculous, I wouldn't even bother replying anymore, you've said no and that's it.

tachetastic · 19/03/2026 16:01

What is it with people who expect everyone to drop everything, take annual leave and pay for a week long vacation just to make them feel special?

No, you can't afford it. Send him a card.

SunnyRedSnail · 19/03/2026 15:57

@Holidaybirthdaydrama his DB can't expect him to be able to pay for a trip to Vegas. That's nuts!

Just be blunt. Say he would absolutely love to go but there is no way he can afford it so unless DB or his mum can pay for it then unfortunately you can't go.

Miranda65 · 19/03/2026 15:53

I have never known anyone go on a "birthday holiday" for a sibling - what world do these people live in?
Just keep saying "no", it's very easy.

Sensiblesal · 19/03/2026 15:50

Did you not post this a week or so ago but it as more you don’t want to go so should hubby go or not.

if it was your sibling would you be more inclined to find the money

OVienna · 19/03/2026 15:45

MIL has said brothers should celebrate these things together ?

"I agree MIL, it would really help if you could convince twatface BIL to celebrate locally so everyone can attend."

What the fuck is wrong with people seriously.

Fuck them and their trips to Vegas..

Sassylovesbooks · 19/03/2026 15:40

I suspect that the nonsense your BIL and MIL are saying, is because they think you are stopping your husband from going, rather than it being financial!

Your husband needs to say 'I can't come, we simply don't have the money'. If they keep going on he says 'What exactly do you expect me to do? Magic the money'!!

If someone plans a celebration abroad, then they have to accept that not everyone will or can attend.

I think it's more than reasonable to suggest celebrating either before or after the event.

myheadsjustmush · 19/03/2026 15:33

Just keep telling BIL and MIL that whilst you would love to attend, you simply cannot afford it. Finances are tight, and you are not willing to give up a much needed family holiday, in order to fund going to this birthday bash.

If BIL and MIL are so desperate for your DH to go, then they can stump up the cash for it!

Or they can do what most people do, and have a party at home / go for a meal / have drinks in the local pub............

Conniebygaslight · 19/03/2026 15:30

Holidaybirthdaydrama · 19/03/2026 12:51

No I haven’t posted about this before. It’s Las Vegas

Show quote history

It costs an absolute fortune to eat & drink in LV....bloody ridiculous expecting you to go. People like this drive me mad TBH

sittingonabeach · 19/03/2026 15:26

If in-laws expect him to go they can pay for it, simple.