AIBU to refuse BIL’s 40th holiday we can’t afford?

He is 40 ..it’s time he grew up and stopped acting like a spoilt kid !
Destination celebrations are fine but don’t expect everyone to drop everything and raid their wallets to go .
Don’t make a big deal about it , or get into arguments about it ..just say “ shame we can’t make it but l know it will be fab " ..repeat to anyone who thinks they have the right to challenge you .

That's a massive expense. It's not like it's a UK trip.
A flat - no, sorry I/we can't afford it is enough.

That’s a lot of money to spend on someone else’s birthday. Why doesn’t bil just go with his wife or gf?

Not read full thread...but they can expect as much as they want. So what. You have told them u don't have the money. Ignore now and get on with your lives.

BIL sounds like a massive C word

Do none of you have children?

I like Vegas.. but who can just waltz off for a week to Vegas just for a Brother’s 40th Birthday Celebrations? Money, your own holidays, your annual leave etc, any kids/pets.

Ridiculous expectation from them.

Just say you'd love to come along...however? Someone would need to cover the costs as financially you cannot. If they really want you to go that much they need to put their hands in their own pocket.

I’m betting they want you to cancel family holiday for this.

He could have been proactive and thought about this when he was 39, that would have given your husband a year to save or pay off a cc. You can't go round setting up week long holidays in Vagas without much notice and expect people to have that money spare.

I dislike this sort of excluding behaviour. If you love him you would come emotional blackmail. And how inconsiderate to have a holiday for a celebration. Conditional love is what it is. We will be loving providing you do as we want and expect. Step a toe out of line and then we will might not. And you will have to explain yourself.

This is kind of sad. BIL is turning 40 and he doesn’t have his own family to hang out with for a week so he has to drag everyone else along? Or perhaps he’s a massive narcissist who needs everyone to worship him for a week.

Use the assertive defence stuck record technique. So state that you understand his position, but this is your position and what you want to have happen next. So something like: “I know the celebration is important to you, but we cannot attend, please don’t keep asking.” and repeat that any time this is mentioned.

It incredibly selfish to expect people (even family) to have the time, the money, the annual leave and the inclination to spend a week celebrating THEIR event. A lot of people wouldn’t be able to commit more than an overnight stop for a party maybe, no need to feel guilty.

I hate familys like that.
Thinking all siblings should be together for everything even when the grow up.
Fuck off would be my words dont like it get over it your a grown man.

He needs to ask them if they understand what can't afford it means, and why they want his mortgage to go unpaid for a holiday.

He needs to be very blunt.

Was going to say, I've never been myself but hasn't it got a lot more expensive in the past couple of years? It's not a place I'd want to go if I couldn't comfortably afford it. It's not like going to say a fly and flop AI on the Med where you genuinely could spend the whole time in the resort/beach and spend nothing if you want.

Exactly!

Just say you can't afford it and frankly, you're a bit pissed off they keep going on about it. Las Vegas is set up to part you with your money!

It's just a birthday, not a particular milestone, 40 woop de doo - he needs to get a grip! Same for MIL.

What sort of narcissistic man-toddler expects people to fork out for a week long birthday party just because he's 40. People have family holidays to pay for. And to an expensive dump like that shit hole.
Absolutely fucking ridiculous.

This - ask if they’re paying and when they say no tell them they have their answer

Seen lots of SM saying Las Vegas is quiet because they have ramped up the costs there so much regular visitors have stopped going - its not just the cost of getting there

Blimey, that's my idea of hell. Skegness on steroids.

I would not pay money to go there even if I could afford it. Each to their own, obviously, but I'd be very willing to say 'Not only can I not afford it, but I don't want to go there'.

His problem if he wants to get huffy, and the same with MIL. You don't get to demand how other people spend their money, or how much they are prepared to allocate to YOUR birthday.

We had this before with DH’s family. We said we couldn’t afford to go but they carried on asking and we just stuck to our guns. When people do celebrations aboard, it really annoys me that they get offended when people can’t just drop everything/ don’t have enough annual leave or can’t afford to go. You do something aboard and you have to factor in that not everyone can go x

Tell MIL if she's that minded, then she can pay for your DH to go then.

That is brilliant! It sends the message they are being childish 😉

Ask your BIL and MIL where the magic money tree grows.