AIBU to refuse BIL’s 40th holiday we can’t afford?

Could DH not go by himself making it alot cheaper?

I loved vegas when i went 20 years ago. But im not sure anyone needs a full week there? I love celebrating birthdays too but i’d never expect anyone to book a holiday. Most i’ve done is a meal/night out type thing. They are being unreasonable if you can’t afford it/don’t have enough holidays. It shouldn’t be obligatory

Las Vegas is horrible, one of the worst holidays I’ve ever had (with the exception of the helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon-that was amazing!).

You're not being unreasonable. Some years ago my brother moved to NZ and wanted the rest of the family to come to his wedding, I would have had to fly my partner and I plus 2 children (in term time) over there, my other brother was in the same situation. So we had to give a hard no.

The way to deal with this is to say that you will never be able to pay her back. So it can’t be a loan, it has to be a gift.

Thanks, I thought that was the case.

As far as I'm concerned, that's the worse option. As I said, they are expecting your husband to use annual leave just for himself on an event he is being pressured into borrowing for. That's bonkers.

Las Vegas is absolutely vile these days. No way would I choose to ever go there again.

Your BIL should have asked for opinions to celebrate his birthday if he expected everyone to come. A weeks holiday in LV is a tad excessive imo and he should have asked before deciding. Your MIL sounds like a right c** . Tell them you can afford this one because youve got to save for his 50th!

Just tell him no again... There's no point bankrupting yourself over selfish BIL. If he's so desperate then he could pay for you.

Sorry OP, I know you’ve been busy but I think you’ve been asked, for 100% clarification, whether this is just your OH who would be going or you and the children too ? Posters seem to be coming from both points of view.

You, as a couple, are being pressurised into either just DH, or both of you and children, into giving up a week of work leave for BIL’s 40th birthday bash (heaven only knows what he and the rest of the family will demand for his 50th….).

If the idea is that only DH goes, that’s a week ‘taken’ from you and your children of family time whether you would spend it ‘on holiday’ or just spending time together at home.

If the idea is that it’s families holiday then what are the expectations of a week’s worth of entertainment/trips for the adults and children? There’s not a great deal in LV for children so most experiences would be expensive. If it’s a ‘lad’s jaunt’ then, again what are the expectations for a week? Boozing, prostitutes, flights over the Grand Canyon, other touristy trips, or wall to wall gambling? None of those are cheap and why would the guys want to do touristy GC trips or similar without their families?

Your in-laws seem to want to guilt your DH into taking a week of valuable holiday/leave time and borrow money you haven’t got, from them, to pay for it, then repaying them with money you don’t have spare.

Even if the in-laws fantasy money tree was giving you the money, do you and/or just your DH actually want to spend the leave and/or money for just him or you all to take this trip?

As I said, what about the ‘extras’, of trips, entertainment, gambling?

My husband and I spent two nights in LV just to say we’d been and to see the sights. The Strip was fun and we walked our legs of both evenings and we did a trip to the Grand Canyon in the full day we were there (most of LV is rather tacky during the day). We ventured into a casino and lost a pre-agreed amount of money but to be honest it was pretty grim with sticky carpets and no real atmosphere.

My advice would be to save your annual leave and money and spend it on proper family time.

It’s so expensive when you get there - you feed money into slots, eating isn’t cheap, the shows (which I would like) are super expensive.
Trips- eg Grand Canyon also not cheap

Stand firm on this and don't fall for the nonsense of so-called milestone birthdays. It's not as if it is somewhere you have any wish to go to.

Debt should be for things like unexpected household expenses like the boiler needing replacement suddenly, not for holidays.

Say ok if we can pay it off £1 a month

Ahhhh she's showing her true colours. Just ignore her horrible comment (I think it's her who is controlling) and move on.

Sorry, I voted wrong, I should have voted you are NOT being unreasonable. You know your budget and family holidays are the most important, BIL will have to live without.

Agreed.

This year my husband and sister in law both have big birthdays (50 and 40 respectively - on the same day) - both are going on holiday to celebrate - both are going with their spouse not expecting everyone else to go (both different places btw)

No is a complete sentence.
Why do people worry what other people think.
So what if it's his 40bth birthday, you do what's right for you.

They could just give him the money for the trip without expecting repayment if it means so much to them. There is no way that you should be saddled with a debt for a holiday that you aren't even going on.

Your MIL sounds really pushy. I'd be giving her a wide berth.

Your MIL is the one being controlling, why should you get into debt for someone birthday, they are being ridiculous.

It sounds like this is coming across to them as your decision rather than a joint decision. Your DH could maybe clarify that for them.

Take the loan - repayment terms are in line with what you can afford - and since you have told her over and over that you can't afford it, you offer £5 a month - with a payment holiday at Christmas and any month with a birthday/anniversay/other occasion - maybe then it will get through to her that you can't afford it - and point out her demand that you go and get yourselves in massive debt is hugely controlling

Wow, how self absorbed is your BIL and your MIL is enabling him. And making you out to be the bad guy!

I’d be avoiding them all as much as possible in the future.