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AIBU?

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AIBU shouting at my partner for pooing when I needed to shower

203 replies

redvelvet7 · 19/03/2026 10:24

Hi
For context - we have a 7month baby, he works from home, I look after the baby the vast majority of the time mon-sun as he works long hours and does DIY on our house on weekends. I am on maternity leave. I breastfeed and co sleep with baby who wakes up a lot at night
, partner sleeps in other room. My time to get ready, relax or do something for myself is when baby is asleep. We have a toilet downstairs and shower and toilet upstairs. Historically have had discussions with him around pooing downstairs because I don’t want him pooing while I shower or to be in the bathroom at least for half an hour after. (We have had to have chats about toilet etiquette and how he needs to clean up his own poo and skid marks). his poos go on for ages and he sits and scrolls on his phone. He doesn’t want to poo downstairs as he prefers the upstairs toilet.

baby woke up at 7am, I waited until the baby was having first nap to shower, wash my hair, get ready etc. I’m going out to a baby class. Just got baby down for nap when partner went through to the toilet and sat down. I ran through and asked him to poo downstairs as I have a limited amount of time to get ready. Our baby is v clingy. He said he had already started (my opinion is he hasn’t, he just couldn’t be bothered to move).

I got annoyed at his selfishness, he said he wasn’t moving and would take as long as he likes (whilst ignoring me and scrolling). I called him names like fat and twat and got angry. He said he’d love to punch me in the face and later on at the end of the argument I said I wanted to smash his head at the wall.

He’s not speaking to me until I apologise; but I think he’s selfish and only cares about himself. What do you think

OP posts:
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Excited101 · 21/03/2026 15:49

Good grief op. You both thought it was a good idea to bring a baby into this toxic mess??? Really?

you clearly have no respect for each other, don’t communicate properly and at least one of you has the emotional maturity of a doughnut.

this environment needs sorting out, your Abby will already be negatively affected by it.

BudgetBuster · 21/03/2026 15:44

redvelvet7 · 19/03/2026 10:49

Believe it or not with the exception of these infrequent incidents we do have a happy normal non toxic relationship. In terms of the insults - for some reason yes they do get quite violent like that. He’s had a few instances of getting angry and grabbing me but it hasn’t happened in a while.

what set me off was just being ignored and like he didn’t care at all how his actions impact me especially as I take the hit when it comes to everything with the baby

You can't say "we don't have a toxic relationship" and then continue to describe a VERY TOXIC relationship in the very next sentence.

Honestly, please do not allow a poor innocent child to grow up with 2 parent who behave like this.

8books · 21/03/2026 15:40

YANBU unreasonable expecting him to shit in a different toilet, but being abusive and tolerating abuse is awful. Your poor baby!!

zingally · 21/03/2026 14:18

Are you always this controlling? Dictating the exact location and time he's allowed to poo...

I can imagine the thread from him now... "Can't even poo in my own home, DW threatened to beat me up, was I wrong to snap back?"

loislovesstewie · 21/03/2026 12:51

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/03/2026 12:07

When the baby is awake and they’ll miss their class? If one needs shower and one needs loo then surely he can use downstairs loo

The baby was having a nap according to the first post. It takes 5 minutes to have a shower. Leaving the baby for a few minutes in a cot while she has a shower if that's necessary isn't going to cause harm. Having an argument about someone using the loo probably took longer than it would have taken him to use the loo.
Neither of them should be shouting or calling each other names or offering violence, to be clear.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/03/2026 12:07

stichguru · 19/03/2026 17:35

He was pooing
wait your turn
cheeky madam

When the baby is awake and they’ll miss their class? If one needs shower and one needs loo then surely he can use downstairs loo

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/03/2026 12:06

Doranottheexplorer · 19/03/2026 10:36

I called him names like fat and twat and got angry. He said he’d love to punch me in the face and later on at the end of the argument I said I wanted to smash his head at the wall.

What the fuck?

Honestly just break up, you both sound awful.

This is dreadful. Never more grateful to single!

KTMeetsTheRsUptown · 21/03/2026 09:40

YABVU Poor baby being brought up in house with aggressive shouting. This is not an okay relationship. Think about how its going to affect baby. You need to take a few deep breaths and calm down. Maybe he feels more comfortable going poop in bathroom but you both need to be more accommodating and kinder to each other.

SplendidUtterly · 19/03/2026 18:00

That really escalated at the end 😂

Wtafdidido · 19/03/2026 17:36

the least of your problems is where he shits. You sound awful and it’s not a healthy environment to be raising a child in. Grow up - both of you, learn some respect and get some therapy as it’s obv downhill from here.

stichguru · 19/03/2026 17:35

He was pooing
wait your turn
cheeky madam

ldnmusic87 · 19/03/2026 17:31

Why on earth are you together, you both sound violent and awful.

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 19/03/2026 17:19

igelkott2026 · 19/03/2026 17:09

Oh for goodness sake. Going to the loo always takes precedence over a shower. You can wait to have a shower, if you need the loo you need the loo!

But you both sound like you overreacted to the situation.

Can you put a second loo in anywhere?

Have you tried actually reading the OP?

igelkott2026 · 19/03/2026 17:09

Oh for goodness sake. Going to the loo always takes precedence over a shower. You can wait to have a shower, if you need the loo you need the loo!

But you both sound like you overreacted to the situation.

Can you put a second loo in anywhere?

Groundhogday2025 · 19/03/2026 17:06

DreamyScroller · 19/03/2026 10:27

Wow, sounds like a great relationship.

YANBU for expecting him to go downstairs.

YABU for the verbal abuse, as is he.

This.

I was reading along getting angry at him for you (I also have a baby a similar age so absolutely get how difficult it is to even shower everyday at this stage) but then with the name calling you lost me. Arguments like that shouldn’t be happening especially with a child in the house.

I think apologies are due all round and a commitment to not let this become normal behaviour.

Can you speak to your health visitor service? I know mine offer a relationship course for surviving the baby stresses.

letmebetheone · 19/03/2026 16:51

Seriously! You have a child. Stop behaving like one yourself. Same goes for hubby.

HeartyViper · 19/03/2026 16:38

What do I think?
I think your poor baby!!

Purplecatshopaholic · 19/03/2026 16:36

Your poor child

Pumpkinmagic · 19/03/2026 16:33

This actually made me laugh out loud, especially the last sentence. Sorry, I think this is a serious post. I think you will just need to get on with your shower. It is selfish of him when you are on limited time, completely get that. He is being a dick. It wouldn’t actually bother me if my partner needed a poo in the same room whilst I was in the shower but he wouldn’t. He would have the decency to use the downstairs loo. I think it’s more just your partner’s attitude that is the problem.

MuckSavage · 19/03/2026 16:31

I feel sorry for the baby. Parents who cannot use a toilet properly and hurl abuse at each other and/or get physically abusive.

Boomer55 · 19/03/2026 16:21

His need to use the toilet was greater, at thst point, than your need to shower. 🙄

loislovesstewie · 19/03/2026 16:08

Do people expect another person who has just sat on the loo to get up and go to another loo? I really find that ridiculous.

MajorProcrastination · 19/03/2026 16:05

The pooping bit - he should've used the other toilet and you're right to be annoyed.

The shouting at each other bit - neither of you come out of this well.

Whosthetabbynow · 19/03/2026 15:42

I don’t think it’s much to ask him to use the downstairs loo so that you don’t have to shower and get ready in his shit fumes. He won’t change. I’ll tell you why. He doesn’t see what the problem is. It wouldn’t bother him so why should it bother you. He sees it as you’re just picking on him

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/03/2026 15:14

I can’t believe this is real

if it is then you need to end this relationship - you are both as bad as each other