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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to change daughter’s antibiotics schedule and sleep separately after insult?

112 replies

IcyRubyHiker · 18/03/2026 20:23

Daughter (5) is poorly with tonsillitis. She has antibiotics that she can either take 4 times a day 2.5ml or twice, 5ml.

She hates the taste so wants to take it 4 times with a smaller dose each time. My husband was at home today and made the decision she should take it twice, as it’s more convenient with school etc.

Cue a lot of upset this evening with her taking it.. so I negotiate the 4 times smaller dose which she’s much happier with.

Husband is seemingly raging that I’ve changed the plan and stormed down the stairs calling me a retard… I was so shocked!! (Daughter didn’t hear as he said it half way down the stairs)

I know getting a young child to take medicine is stressful but I don’t think the ‘retard’ insult was warranted, plus it’s just such an offensive word. He has also had to take the last 2 days off work to look after our daughter so he’s probably annoyed about that too…

I’m considering sleeping in the spare room
tonight as I feel pretty disrespected, I just don’t want to talk to him or be near him to be honest. We’ve been unhappy in marriage for a while, and I had to bite my tongue so hard not to just tell him to where to go, but obviously our daughter was there so I just ignored it and carried on with the bedtime routine.

What are peoples thoughts?

OP posts:
Original poster
IcyRubyHiker · 18/03/2026 20:45

Yes that’s a great idea. We’ll do smaller doses first and then see how we get on. It seems really horrible and has made her quite poorly :-(

OP posts:
Original poster
IcyRubyHiker · 18/03/2026 20:43

He had left the room as he was getting too wound up with the whole situation and losing patience. I was just trying to get her to take the medicine, so it was a counter offer I suppose to let her have a smaller dose to get some of the antibiotics actually in!

I will be the one doing all of the antibiotics as he’ll be back at work tomorrow so it doesn’t really have a practical effect on him.

i appreciate I’ve probably really annoyed him and perhaps in some other people’s eyes I shouldn’t have given our daughter the choice, but it is what it is now and I don’t think his insult was justified.

OP posts:
catipuss · 18/03/2026 20:43

Has he been giving the medicine and she's been excepting his regime and now you want to change it? If so you are making trouble by changing things to be the nice parent.

ShetlandishMum · 18/03/2026 20:38

IcyRubyHiker · 18/03/2026 20:35

She’s the one who has to take the medicine so I wanted to give her some choice in the matter. I’ve actually chosen to do the four doses to make it more manageable for our daughter not to ‘prolong her upset’.

We find it hard to communicate because my husband just goes 0 to 100 in 3 seconds and then a sensible conversation isn’t possible as he’s so wound up. I’m just so tired of it.

Why didn't you talk to your husband first?

I would be so tired of you making decisions on your own because you seem to understand a 5 yo best. Not ok.
Your husband's reaction isn't ok either. Time to say sorry both of you.

Remaker · 18/03/2026 20:36

Why can’t you do 4 times a day at the moment while she’s feeling very poorly and is at home anyway. And if she’s still on antibiotics when she’s well enough to go back to school she can have the two doses and will be probably better able to cope with it. And you could bribe her with juice or chocolate or something. My son just had tonsillitis and it was the sickest he’s been for a long time. Swallowing anything was painful in the early days.

Insults are unacceptable, I’d be upset about that too.

Original poster
IcyRubyHiker · 18/03/2026 20:35

She’s the one who has to take the medicine so I wanted to give her some choice in the matter. I’ve actually chosen to do the four doses to make it more manageable for our daughter not to ‘prolong her upset’.

We find it hard to communicate because my husband just goes 0 to 100 in 3 seconds and then a sensible conversation isn’t possible as he’s so wound up. I’m just so tired of it.

OP posts:
FFSToEverythingSince2020 · 18/03/2026 20:34

What he did was not acceptable (calling you the R word). What you did was unacceptable (undermining his parenting, making a rod for someone else’s back if he’s the one who had to give it to her four times a day since you said he’s the one who stayed home with her, AND negotiating with an illogical 5 year old is a particular low point - it’s not going to “taste less,” and in fact, she’s going to have to taste it four times a day which will actually be worse - so you accepted a 5 year old’s illogical “logic” over your adult husband’s actual logic for taking it twice a day).

Sounds like this marriage has maybe run its course as you say it’s already unhappy and you have no respect for each other, before you create the kind of household where when one parent says no (dad), the child runs and immediately asks mum instead, who will then say yes.

Hatty65 · 18/03/2026 20:33

Your dh has taken two days of work to look after the child and was presumably doing the medicine. You then unilaterally decided to change this after her whining, (I assume that's what 'negotiating' with a 5 yo means) without consulting him - the person who had been looking after her and who had therefore made the decision.

His language is horrible, obviously, and I'm not defending the use of that word at all.

But he's frustrated that you've interfered and overruled him without discussion. Why didn't you take 2 days off work if you want to be Queen of the Medicine Scheduling?

Original poster
IcyRubyHiker · 18/03/2026 20:31

Hankunamatata · 18/03/2026 20:27

Twice a day makes more sense with school.
Name calling nots ok.

It does make much more sense but I can just see her refusing every single time as the dose is too big (in her eyes) and I think it’ll be easier with the smaller doses more often.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 18/03/2026 20:27

His choice of insult is clearly unacceptable.
Your choice to prolong the upset your child will experience whenever she has to take her medicine is also unacceptable. Why are you negotiating with a 5 year old anyway? Taking less medicine will not reduce the taste.
The pair of you need to listen to each other.

Hankunamatata · 18/03/2026 20:27

Twice a day makes more sense with school.
Name calling nots ok.

Hoppinggreen · 18/03/2026 20:25

The circumstances wouldn't matter to me, being called a Retard in a marriage thts not great anyway would be the final straw for me

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