AIBU to change daughter’s antibiotics schedule and sleep separately after insult?

I disagree with his use of that word, it's obviously unacceptable and he's overreacted but I can see why he's annoyed if he's been managing caring for her the last 2 days and he's right that twice is more logical, it will still taste just as bad. I get giving children choices but if he's the one who's been battling to get her to actually take it I can see why having to deal with it 4x rather than twice is annoying, and he is feeling undermined because he's been managing and now you've changed it.
Re sleeping separately, it seems another overreaction to a minor disagreement but it depends whether you want to repair your relationship.

How fucking dare he? He. Does. Not. Get. To. Do. This. Ever.

It absolutely DOES NOT MATTER what the issue is. He. Does. Not. Get. To. Do. This. Ever.

Separate beds until he grovellingly apologises and seeks help for his rage issues.

And talk to a counsellor as obviously this is not the first time he has behaved like a rage filled arsehole.

Everything else aside, is it okay to change the dosage like that? It might not work as intended.

When DS was 3 he had to have the most vile antibiotic, 4 times a day for 6 weeks, and I always made sure I had a cup of magic milk ready for him to gulp straight afterwards. It was milk with food colouring, to make it pink. Seemed to do the trick! As they kids got older and wiser, I resorted to a post-medicine chocolate button.

Brilliantly articulated!

Children need to be given age and stage appropriate choices about their bodies. They don't get a choice about whether or not to take medicine they need for their body to not be sick, fgs. The medicine routine ideally needs to work with the child's routine, where there's a choice. I'm guessing you undermine him like this quite a lot, being a wet blanket and giving when he's tried to hold a boundary and deciding you know best. When it happens on repeat, it's bloody frustrating. It teaches children they can play you off and you're not a team.

Nonetheless, he shouldn't have even uttered the r word, let alone called his wife it. Ableist slurs are disgraceful and he should be ashamed of using it.

Both of you are unreasonable and need to grow up and change your behaviour if you want your marriage and family to work long term.

My daughter would need to do the small doses too. Or she’d spit it out. I understand

Surely there’s a middle ground though, your husband has been caring for her and doing medication in a way that makes sense with her school schedule. Rather than undermine him I’d want to talk to him about it before “negotiating” with a 5 year old.

His response was appalling, but you didn’t cover yourself in glory either.

I don't understand the logic of giving 4x a day over 2x if she hates the taste?! Surely you can explain to her it's better to do 2 larger doses and get it over and done with instead of having to have it an extra 2 times in a day.

Misses point of thread

Slighy off topic but hopefully will hopefully will help with the medicine...

DS had to take antibiotics which tasted foul 4 times a day. He was really difficult but the ladies in the office at school were amazing (they will give the 4 x a day medication). They gave him a glass of water with ice to drink straight after which apparently takes the taste away. No idea if this is true or placebo effect but we did it at home too and made everything so much calmer. Still needed a bit of encouragement but mug of ice water in hand did the trick

Raging and name calling, nah, this is too much over nothing. He behaved like a dick tbh. Sorry OP.

To me the issue with making medication into a negotiation is it’s not always something that is negotiable. Many drugs need to be given as the right dose at the right time. Much better for the parents to take a firm approach across the board with medication than risking issues down the line by negotiating them.

I am kind of surprised that so many people are against the idea of the 5yo having any say in the matter.

Is it not good to have discussions with your young children and allow them some autonomy where possible? Does that not build their confidence and decision-making ability?

If my 3yo felt happier taking four doses a day I'd respect his preference. Unless it's something insane I don't see what the problem is with allowing children to make these kinds of decisions.

Twice a day makes sense..so your husband is right there ... however his name calling is awful, abusive and yanbu in any way here. He should never ever say anything like that to you.

Gett young children to take medicine is hard sometimes, if she’s taking the 4x small doses that’s better even if it is less convenient. She is not going to be on them for long.

Totally unacceptable of your husband

Doesn't excuse your husband's language, that was foul and wrong. But if he's the one doing the school time doses then it is up to him and you were wrong to go against him.

Wow retard is really rude and disrespectful. Would not want to be married to someone who spoke that way.

He can’t deal with her being upset and not taking the medicine because he’s emotionally immature.
He can’t stay and calmly have a conversation about it because he’s not an adequate communicator.
He used a horrible word because he was feeling strong, unpleasant feeling that he couldn’t tolerate and blamed you for it.
I haven’t heard the word for a while and it wouldnt cross my mind no matter how angry I am - so it’s interesting where did it come from… does he watch older violent movies with strong language?
Anyway, he’s not well equipped to be a parent or a supportive spouse but as not quite abusive (yet) so I think your dc benefits from having him around more than being brought up by divorced parents.

It’s crazy how women are so clued up about parenting and able to show understanding to an ill child without losing the main goal from sight (in this case giving the medicine) while dads lack any flexibility and just want what they want.

His language was wrong without doubt.

but when he has been the one there doing the medicine you where wrong to come in and change it. Don’t start letting your child think medication is something that can be negotiated. You take it when your parents say it’s time to!

I would imagine he’s just as tired of you, so maybe best to call it quits before you guys actually do damage your child with eventual name calling and bitterness (you said you “held off” responding to him, but how many times can you bite your tongue if he keeps saying stuff like this?). And I need to point out that while I 100% don’t agree with what you’ve done re: “negotiating” with the child, what he said was completely unacceptable, and yes, isn’t it funny how when men want to insult women, it’s always sex-based (whore, slut, etc) or intelligence-based? Either the R-word, or calling you stupid, or saying things like, “Don’t you have a brain.” Etc etc. So no, I’m not pretending it’s okay!

The issue is that I can unfortunately see how joint custody is going to go - she starts antibiotics at his house, he gets her to take them, she’s supposed to take it twice a day, and you immediately change it to four times a day at your house (because she was whining and knew you’re a soft touch - kids learn this incredibly young) and breezily tell him, “Oh, you have to give it to her four times a day instead because I wanted to give her a choice couldn’t stand her crying and being angry at me over medicine when I want to be the good guy.” She’s 5. Just be a parent. I can understand why he’d be frustrated, even if I don’t condone his behavior.

This.