AIBU to change daughter’s antibiotics schedule and sleep separately after insult?

Because they are not old enough to have autonomy over whether or not they take medicine they need. The choice your average 5 year old would make is no horrid medicine!

Messing around with the dose and frequency is just giving the child the illusion of autonomy when they don't really have any - they still have to take the medicine. Then the next time they need medicine but there's no flexibility with the dose or frequency, they're more likely to be upset at not having a choice and not understand why this medicine is different to the other medicine.

Taking medicine to school is also introducing another potential point of failure - it gets misplaced, or forgotten, DD gets upset about taking it and staff can't get it down her, or there's an emergency with another child and the staff member doesn't have time at lunchtime, etc. Reducing potential complications where you can is easier on everyone. It's not always just about the child's want.

I agree. Much better to listen to the child than force a bigger dose into their mouth against their will that they might end up spitting out or choking on. 4 doses is still the full amount. It's not like OP is letting the child not take the meds, just giving it in a way that they are more likely to swallow it

Twice a day might sound more logical but children are not logical. You’ve given her a choice on how she wants to take the doses. You support her choice and do what she’s happiest with. Having a child refuses their medication is so stressful for everyone. You want her to know you’re on her side and can tackle tricky things as a team.
You husband sound a total prick.

Just on the medicine, measure out the dose, put into a tiny cup, add a healthy dose of sugar syrup, mix well, then give it to her. Mary Poppins was right. Our family have been there with vile medicine and this makes everything more bearable.

You can make sugar syrup by gently warming a small amount of water in a pan and then adding sugar and stirring and adding and adding until it's all thick.

I am sorry about this. He may have issues with being over reactive in anger, but that cannot and should not be your problem. If this is ongoing you should seek family therapy. Your daughter is being subjected to this too, even if he is not currently aiming it at her.

You sound afraid to bring it up with him because you are afraid of his reaction. This is not ok. Your daughter sees this, feels it and will grow up thinking this is normal. Please do start relationship counselling at least, even if yo uhave to by yourself to begin with.

And he didn't just say a disrespectful word. He stormed downstairs calling her a retard and was too "wound up" to remain in the room.

Let's face it, he was shouting at her and calling her a foul name - and that is what she is admitting to here.

Separate beds until he grovellingly apologises.

Your husband is a dickhead

Signed, a proud SEN mum.

Team DH. She's 5.

How does she even know there are options? You just tell her it's medicine time when she needs to take it (twice a day).

Also I know its "offensive" but my partner's pet name for me is retard amongst others.

I don’t agree with forcing either, but at the same time if she has been having 2 doses then you continue to try and keep this up, you don’t complicate it by suggesting 4 doses! You find fun ways of giving it - we made up a song and prepared a squash to sip right after. 10 days of it so I know it’s really hard!!

So you undermined your husband who has been looking after the child for 2 days and taken time of work to do it.

You change the routine he's established with her because she's whined at you.

And you're shocked he's pissed off?

Nope and I don’t see anywhere in my post that I condoned that?! Doesn’t mean I can’t comment on the other part of the post. I don’t think it’s beneficial at all to change the dose from 2x to 4x.

Also it's a real pain in the arse for a member of school staff (who must be first aid trained) to have to leave their usual work to give a child antibiotics, so if you can avoid a lunchtime dose, please do.

Giving a child choice is good parenting. You can't force medicine down her.

Saying disrespectful words to a partner is not on at all. I think staying away from him for a bit is a good move. I hope you can both find a way forward.

With things like giving medicine, it is not about the child’s choice unfortunately - what if they don’t want the injection, or the x-Ray or anything else they need for their health?

You are the parent and you obviously do it in the best way possible and keeping their comfort in mind - but if your DH had a certain way of doing it, you should have discussed any change to the plan with him.

Regardless, if she hates 2.5ml anyway, it’s actually worse for her doing 4x doses anyway, sometimes kids don’t realise things like that, so we do need to guide them!!!

plus I think your meant to maintain consistent doses so starting with 2x means it’s best to stick with that no?

not condoning the insult btw. But your behaviour was way off too.

My dad used to hold my nose for me and put the spoon in my mouth. Stops it tasting bad and weirdly a found memory!

This - I would have been raging if I’d looked after my kid for two days and managed to do the two doses only to be undermined by my partner the next day and for what reason, it makes it even worse for the child 😅

I wouldn’t have ever uttered such a disgusting insult though.

Hey, and parenting is fucking hard!!! You’re doing the best you can, I get that.

The issue is just that the person you SHOULD have discussed changing her medication schedule with was your husband, not your daughter - she has to learn that unfortunately, medicine is very important and she has to take it even if she doesn’t like it, and she’ll feel much worse if she doesn’t. It sounds like your marriage maybe isn’t where you’d like it to be, which could be why you didn’t discuss it with your husband. Just think about it for the future - whether this happens a lot, whether he gets frustrated too much, whether you often disagree about DD or whether you disagree about a lot of other things, if you’d both be happier/less stressed divorced or whether you’d be more stressed by joint custody. It’s a lot to consider. But like almost all things in life, it’s never actually about the “little things” that happen; it’s what those little things say about the bigger things.

I can just tell your that parent

And storming downstairs and getting "too wound up" to stay in the room. It wasn't just a casual name calling. He does not get to do that, at all, ever, for any reason.

I think it’s bonkers to prolong the suffering to 4 times a day when your daughter will hate 2.5ml just as much as 5ml. We have just finished a 10 day course with a 4 year old, so I feel your pain…. 5ml spoonful with a squash chaser twice a day is so much easier with school etc.

BUT no matter how undermined he felt the name calling is not ok.

He stormed down the stairs calling her a retard. He did not casually say it as a passing insult while leaving the room. He then left the room as he was "getting too wound up"

All of which sounds like he behaved like an aggressive, bullying arsehole.

He does not get to do this. Ever. Not for any reason.

@IcyRubyHiker so yes id sleep in the other room. Moving forward are you going to address your marriage issues.,? Or will your child grow up on pins with his anger issues and making everyone miserable.